How this all became
by CAHLAY
Summary: FINISHED! It's a shocker ending.... A massively random romp through backstage happenings at Super Smash Brothers. Swears, sex, suggestive everything, and randomness to abound. Read with a giant sense of humor. M for lack of plot line
1. the LIGHT is so mean!

NOTE: NO ONE IN HERE IS MINE, THEY ARE NINTENDO'S, AND HAL'S (I think), BUT I DO OWN THE CRAPPY STORY, AND AM NOT LETTING ANYONE HAVE IT.  
  
now, on with the story! =^_^=  
  
  
  
It was a lovely morning, as Fox awoke in his diminutive bedroom. He yawned, leaped to his feet, and began to get dressed. He barely had put his laser gun in its holster when-  
  
He saw it. A great ball of light. He looked directly at it, and the ball of light began to drag him into itself, eating his furry body. When he tried to pull his gun out, he found he was -temporarily, he hoped- paralyzed. Soon he felt the sensation of falling... a grassy lawn was visible... Fox prepared himself for a roll...  
  
Thud. He rolled, found he was no longer paralyzed, and jumped up, pulling out his gun, preparing for everything. As he examined this strange world, another thud was heard.  
  
"OWWWWWWWWW!!!!! MARIO, HELP, I THINK I'VE-A BROKEN MY LEG!!!" a lanky green-suited man in jean coveralls with a thick Italian accent exclaimed. The man spotted Fox. "Please-a help me, I come in peace-a!"  
  
Just as Fox was about to say something, Another figure fell from the sky. He rolled, unlike the Italian fool, and almost immediately drew a sword. "What-" he started, but was interrupted by another thud. There sat a mouse-like creature.  
  
"Pika- oh screw it. Hi I'm Pikachu, a mouse-type pokemon." it sighed with an eye roll. More thuds followed. Two warmly dressed people, a boy in blue and a girl in pink, sat there. "What-a the Hell?!" the Italian asked, suddenly bewildered.  
  
Many more creatures, people, and erm, 'things' fell from the sky. Everyone sat there, on their asses, and gazed in awe of all the others who'd found their way there. One particularly pretty girl hopped up, ran a gloved hand through her hair, and made her way to the third person who'd fallen down. "Link, what did you fuck up this time?" she asked him. Fox pointed his gun at the girl. She stared daggers at him. "Oh yeah, punk?" she said, transforming into a young woman with a spandex outfit on, and a head and shoulder wrap. She threw a chain at Fox. It circled around him, rendering him defenseless. She dragged him closer and bitch-slapped him, even harder than he'd been bitch-slapped on his first date. The others took mental notes: do NOT piss her off. Fox was stunned. Utterly stunned. "Well," she hmphed. "I think you should be ashamed of yourself, threatening me with a strange...erm, gadget, so apologize, here and now."  
  
This is ridiculous, Fox thought. "Fine," he said, in a thick FRENCH accent(Hahahahahaha!!! you weren't expecting that!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! :}). "I apologize, madam erm, whatever your name is." The woman changed back into her former self and kissed him on the cheek, but she quickly spat out the mouthful of red fur she'd taken.  
  
*cough**hack*wheeze**sputter* "Dammit I just had to kiss a fox!!" Link started rolling on the ground, laughing his ass off.  
  
"You had to kiss a fox! It's pitiful that you'd kiss a woodland creature before you'd kiss the guy who saved your ass, not to mention the whole land of Hyrule!! Pitiful!!" Link sputtered as he rolled.  
  
She flipped her hair, and, harshly but gracefully, she kicked him in the side. "DIE, YOU SKINNY BASTARD, DIE!!!!!!" she roared as her foot jabbed at him uncontrollably. Fox watched the humorous scene before him. Before he knew it, everyone was laughing like school girls on ecstasy, even, to his surprise, himself. The Italian's face turned red from laughter, despite his "broken" leg. After everyone calmed down, the girl apologized to link for bruising him, but he didn't give a flying fox, as his past adventures had been bruising enough. Then they all sat in a circle and introduced themselves to each other.  
  
"Hello. I am Samus Aran, female space fighter," a robotic-looking thing said calmly.  
  
"Yo, I'm Captain Falcon, the coolest guy in the universe!" Samus rolled her eyes, even though no one could see her do it underneath her helmet.  
  
"Hello-a! I am Mario. I've saved Mushroom Kingdom more times than I can count, and have an addiction to fattening foods and TV-a(explaining his blubber belly =^_^=)."  
  
"Hi. I'm Luigi. My leg isn't broken!! YAY!"  
  
"Hello. I'm Fox McCloud. my life iz uninteresting. And 'Samus,' I think her name iz, sayz I'm French. What ze fuck iz that suppozed to mean?"  
  
"Hello everybody, I'm Princess Peach! The only things my life are about are baking cakes and getting captured by Bowser and rescued by Mario."  
  
"Hullo, I'm Link. I've saved her ass" *points to Princess Zelda* "more times than I can count. So it's her fault I'm skinny. Bleh."  
  
And the list went on, and on and on, and Y'Link was last.  
  
*Slurping down bottle of milk* "Oh, it's my turn? I mean, my name's Link, I'm the younger version of him" *points to Link* "And Princess Zelda is hot." *finishes milk*  
  
  
  
  
  
After getting to know each other, they all split up: guys with guys, girls with girls, things with... things, and so on. Since the only objects around were a stack of wood and some nails, and a lake, and some tools, the first thing they did was drown Captain Falcon, and attempted to build a house. They used Pikachu's and Mewtwo's amazing combined brain power to make the measurements.  
  
"Ok, so I've figured out that we have enough wood to build a gigantic manzion," Fox said in his *lovely* French accent. "Plus rooms for Bowzer and Ganondorve."  
  
"Bowzer and Ganondorve?" Samus flirted. "My little Frenchie needs to practice his English." She pinched Fox's cheek. "Don't you?"  
  
"Oui," he answered, annoyed. It was obvious that Samus liked him, but his heart belonged to Lilly, his girlfriend who he hadn't seen in ages. He wasn't even sure if they were still dating, as they'd been juniors in high school when they started going out. He'd recently had, erm, 'relations' with a girl and had felt guilty for a month. Sometimes he wondered...  
  
"Hello, like, wherever we are to Fox, Princess Zelda, like, found an old house we can like live in!" Nana exclaimed excitedly. She took his hand and led him there.  
  
It was a treatchurous route through bushes and brambles. The house itself was humongous, although gloomy-looking. The bright day seemed to darken as Samus, Fox, and Nana made their way to it. The rest of the crew waited there.  
  
"Hurry the fuck up!! We're waiting for you!" Princess Peach yelled at the top of her lungs. They ran the rest of the way there. Peach split them into further groups, and then the groups explored their soon to be new home.  
  
  
  
The Y'Link, Kirby, Jigglypuff, Luigi and Marth team were assigned to the eastern first floor.  
  
"I wonder who lived here?" Marth wondered.  
  
"Who the Hell knows, and who the Hell really fucking gives a flying Jigglypuff tit, besides queers like YOU?!" Y'Link yelled, growing increasingly more annoyed over Marth's stupid questions.  
  
Jigglypuff looked angry. "I can hear, you little bastard. I don't have tits. I don't even have anatomy, for fuck sake!"  
  
Kirby tried to comfort her. "Don't bust your bubble, Sweet Cheeks. Y'Link doesn't care; he's had enough of Marth to last him five lifetimes, and Sweetie, you know what Marth can do to people." Kirby glowered at Marth.  
  
"Oh, I love you Kirby! You're so... so.." Jigglypuff trailed off.  
  
"Wonderful?" Kirby finished.  
  
"Ugh! I'm gonna go disembowel myself!" Y'Link screamed. "Two pink balloons should not do that!" He glared at Marth. "Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it!"  
  
"Oh, shaddup. It's your fault, not mine. Ugh!! gross, now they're.. erm, what are they doing?!" Marth answered.  
  
Y'Link puked all over Marth, and Marth all over Luigi, as they watched, in disgust, as the balloon creatures... did something.... unexplainable.  
  
"What the fuck was that?" Y'Link asked when they'd finished.  
  
"Oh, I dunno, but it was awesome!" Kirby answered, grinning widely.  
  
Y'Link, Luigi, and Marth disemboweled themselves once more, and proceeded on.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the mansion, the Link, Peach, Popo, Pikachu, and Samus team wandered about the basement. Samus tripped over something, and fell on her face, causing Peach, who hated her for some reason, to titter uncontrollably, which caused Pikachu, who liked Samus, to Thunder Shock her, which made Popo mad, because part of the attack hit him in the face, so he took it out on Link, who tried to dodge it, and he fell on Samus when he ducked away, and Samus was MAD. In a near daze, She struggled up and took off her helmet, but only to scream at Link.  
  
"What the fuck, Link?! Do you wanna end up like that gay bastard Captain Falcon or what?!" Samus tossed her dark brown, nearly black, hair. "Well?! Do you?!"  
  
"No, baby!" Captain Falcon danced out from behind a pile of dirty clothes. "I died, but miraculously came back to life when you tried to drown me, baby! Purrrr, feisty!" Captain Falcon grabbed Samus around the waist and attempted to kiss her. She shot an electric orb at him, sending him flying. Smacking the cement wall, he fell on the floor, as Samus kicked him to ensure he was lifeless.  
  
"Good riddance. If he ever does that again, I'll make sure he does die," she vowed, putting her helmet back on.  
  
Angrily, they explored the rest of the basement, pissing each other off because of a chain reaction started by Samus five more times.  
  
  
  
As the piss-each-other-off-because-of-a-chain-reaction-started-by- Samus group gazed about the basement, the Bowser, Gannondorf, Ness, Fox, Nana, and MewTwo team searched the second floor bathroom.  
  
"Well, I find this interesting," MewTwo mumbled. "No working plumbing, not to mention the intolerable hundred year old unclean chamber pot effect. Very, erm, tasteless, indeed."p "Agreed. I don't dig the, like, vibes this room, like, gives off," Nana approved, glancing here and there. "It's, like, all icky and stuff. Like, gross."  
  
Gannondorf admired the black-haired teenager. He had a HUGE crush on her, and secretly cursed himself for being so old. "Well, Nana, I agree with you totally," he bumbled.  
  
"Why don't you agree with me?" Bowser asked, as he had a huge crush on Gannondorf. "I say they're lovely touches to a bathroom!" Bowser started to cry(hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! betcha didn't see that coming!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!). "WHY?! WHY DOES NO ONE EVER AGREE WITH ME? WHY?" Bowser wailed.  
  
"Awwwww..... the big turtle is crying, how saaaaaaad," Ness cooed in his puberty-stricken(and frankly annoying) voice.  
  
"Shaddup, boy," Gannondorf growled. "Bowser's my bud. Ain't that right, Bowz?"  
  
"Yes!" Bowser cheered up. The best couples start as friends first, he considered happily. What the fuck is up with this?, Fox thought. Bowser's gay, there's two Links, a Princess who can change into a different person, damn... Slippy must've done something to my drink last night, either that or I'm high. God, please say I'm high, please! "I think ze bathvroom iz dizgusting. Ve vill have to install a toilette and sink."  
  
Bowser sniffed. "Yeah, a toilette and sink. Yeah."  
  
"Ahhhhh, buddy, don't worry about it!" Gannondorf encouraged him, patting him on the back. Then he whispered in his ear(wait, Bowser HAS no ears. WTF?!), "I totally agree with you. I just am madly in love with Nana."  
  
"Ohhhhhh.... I see," Bowser nodded, winking. He was sad that Gannondorf didn't like him, but he could deal with it, for now.  
  
  
  
  
  
WHAT will happen in chappy two? Stay tuned to find out! 


	2. The Door in the attic, which MGAW gaurds...

Note/disclaimer: I dun own these characters. Blah blah blah, some legal shit, ect ect, but the story IS mine, so dun take it. Luvz to all, CAHLAY.  
  
Now, to da story, er, chappy 2!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
The Zelda, Mario, Falco, DK, and Roy team were assigned to the *shudders* bedroom.... *nasty thoughts run thru head* (heh heh, stop it you!!) *beats self w/ lead pipe*  
  
*The team go O_o*  
  
OK, so anyway, they explore for a while w/o anything heh heh, "interesting" happening, when Zelda discovers a door.  
  
"Come on! I think we should check this out b/c anything is better than being stuck in a bedroom with *Zel shudders* you guys," Zel encourages them. Roy continues his staring at her(oh, did I mention, he has been staring at her since she intro'ed herself waaaaaaaay back in chappy 1. Me say someone have crush! :} *cackle*), and Zel is fuggin' PO'ed!! As she turns to face him, she transforms into Shiek. "What?! What is it about me that you, Red-Haired One, cannot stop staring? Release your eyes from my body before I brandish my chain!" (gee, she be talkin' more princessly than usual...hmmm..)  
  
*Roy snaps out of it* "Uh, yes, *clears throat* I was just about to erm, escort you through the door, but I became lost in thought at.... *looks around for an excuse* all the dust in this room," he stuttered, making up 99.9% of the statement, except the lost in thought part(oooooooh, what WAS he thinking about BESIDES dust? hmmmm, I wonder....). *Shiek becomes Zelda again*  
  
"Well then, Red-Haired One, feel free to *ahem* 'escort' me through this door." *Zel offers Roy her arm* "C'mon, I'm waiting..."  
  
Roy is both astonished and ecstatic that the Great Princess Zelda is allowing him, of all people, to touch her. Mario, Falco, and DK share a laugh.  
  
"Roy hair is red as face!" DK gasps through roaring guffaws.  
  
Upon mention of his face coloring, Roy's face grows ever redder. Zelda can't help but giggle sympathetically, Falco and Mario have both pissed their pants from laughing so hard, Poor Roy's face is as red as a Maximum Tomato, and DK keeps on repeating, "Roy hair is red as face!"  
  
And they never go through the door. Tsk tsk.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
While THAT very interesting team tittered at the way Roy blushed so easily, the remaining four, Dr. Mario, Mr. Game And Watch(let's just call him MGAW, for my hands' sake =^_^=), Yoshi, and Pichu somehow ended up having to scour the attic for anything interesting.  
  
"Oh!! I find door! I find door!" Pichu yelled after about five seconds of searching. The others came rushing.  
  
"I better do a checkup(no pun intended)," Dr. Mario told them all. He put his stethoscope to the door. "Omigosh! I hear-a voices, ah, hmmm, WHAT?!"  
  
"WHAT what what?" the rest chorused.  
  
Dr. Mario turned back to them. "They say that... that all of the others have... met before... but..." *Doc puts the stethoscope back to the door* "They beat them into submission, but then.... something...wrong.....no, they...remembered... so they.... used memory drugs...to.... make sure they would never remember.....but they're thinking of doing it again?!" *Doc took the stethoscope off the door* "This is their-a mansion. They made a video game for-a people and they will do it again!"  
  
"Huh. Wouldn't you know," MGAW said, astonished.  
  
"Maybe we should burst in!" Yoshi suggested.  
  
"Meep. It worth try. Meep," Pichu agreed.  
  
"Wait. Perhaps we should tell the others before we get our asses whooped. Backup, y'know?" Yoshi suggested.  
  
"Agreed. I'll stay here and keep guard. you guys go," MGAW ordered them. It was only sensible for him to stay, as he looked the most like a shadow.  
  
"Okay. G'bye. We will be back-a, and will bring-a the rest," Dr. Mario told him.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They, Dr. Mario, Pichu, and Yoshi, fled down the attic stairs to find the others. They caught up with Zel's group first.  
  
"I *pant pant* ran all-a this way to find you guys, *pant pant*" Doc explained through gasps.  
  
"Damn, you have to work out more," Luigi critiqued, dragging Marth and Y'Link through the door in separate hands, keeping them from ripping each other apart. Following closely, Kirby and Jigglypuff admired each other.  
  
"What happened to you two?" Zel asked, helping Y'Link up and ignoring Marth's requests for her to help HIM up, too.  
  
"Oh, Y'Link here just FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!!!" Marth accused Y'Link.  
  
"DID NOT!!!" Y'Link yelled back at him(the two fine male specimens did not get along, obviously), and proceeded to attack Marth.  
  
Zel caught him in mid-sprint. "No, sweetie," she cooed. "You told me you weren't going to do that anymore, right?" She pinched his cheek.  
  
"Women," Y'Link grumbled, annoyed that he couldn't beat the stupidity out of Marth so he'd be just a LITTLE intelligent(oh, Marth is cool. I like him; Y'Link dun't. jes clearin' dat up).  
  
At just that moment, a girl w/ long black hair sauntered through the door. Y'Link was utterly entranced. She looked like a teenager, but wasn't, he just knew. Her eyes sparkled as he admired her, in her radiating beauty and porcelain skin. He felt a funny feeling in his stomach, like the bread he'd had for breakfast at Saria's house was battling with the blue potion he'd drank before he was sucked here; in there, in his stomach, the war of all foods raged. "Omigod, omigod, omigod, she's soooooooooooooooooooooo pretty! I wonder... how she'd look in something less concealing... omigod she's hot. Ok, she must be hot with out all of those heavy winter clothes on... with out ANY clothes on... yeah. Holy fuck she's so hot!!" Y'Link thought as he pictured her w/o any clothes on...(ughh... gross... Y'Link!! that's nasty!!)  
  
She was having the same reaction upon seeing HIM. They gazed at each other for a long moment. The omelette she'd had eaten for breakfast dropped to the pit of her stomach, causing "belly bugs," as her brother called them, to erupt, which only made her stomach feel worse. "Man, I've never felt like this before, is something wrong? How come when I look at this boy, I feel as though my stomach is a meadow full of bubbly butterflies? What IS it about him?" she thought, ogling intently at the blond elf-boy, who only gawked back, equally lost in thought.  
  
"Yo," Link snapped his fingers in front of Y'Link's face. He snapped out of it.  
  
"What?" he whined, annoyed at his elder.  
  
"The last group found a door and heard somebody behind it or something. Now every one has to go," Link explained, eyeing him, suspicious of everything. "Why were you staring at Nana?"  
  
"So that's her name," Y'Link muttered absent-mindedly.  
  
Link's eyes went wide. He pointed to his younger self. "You like her! I knew it! I knew it when she walked in the room!" With that said, Link went off to tell some friend he'd probably made. "I'm such a dumb bastard," he thought. "More blond older than younger(I have NOTHING against blonds; I AM blond, for fuck sake, but still we ARE kind of stupid, esp. the blonds that DYE their hair, which is something I AM against. bleh), heh. Maybe someday I'll beat myself up. Heh, that'd be fun. Heh..." Y'Link noticed Nana's brother Popo telling her something. He listened, but he was saying the same thing Link had said to him.  
  
"Well, it looks like we're not alone," Y'Link heard someone say. "We all have to go face the music now."  
  
"Fuck, that doesn't sound too good," Nana said from behind him, hoping to make at least a LITTLE conversation with the elf-boy.  
  
Y'Link shook his head. "Nope."  
  
  
  
  
  
So that's chappy two. You like? Then REVIEW! I will accept flames, so flame me all you want!!! Chappy three is done.... when I get 10 reviews/flames, I'll put it up..... *cackles as everyone rushes to review* and if you don't review then you will die!!!!!!  
  
*a pointed icicle lands on the head of an unsuspecting non-reviewer, killing him*  
  
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I told you! *disappears in a cloud* 


	3. Roy so fuckin hot its not funny anymore

Note/ disclaimer: I'm tired of writing disclaimers but I dun own these pplz, I just WISH I did: Roy would be my ssssllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =^_^= ok, now  
  
TO CHAPPY THREE!  
After everyone went to the bedroom for a brief meeting, they stumbled in an almost-but-not-quite single file line. The kids, that would be Ness, Nana, Popo, and Y'Link, followed at the end. Nana was getting very uncomfortable, as Ness was fixing his crossed eyes on her. Finally, she smashed him over the head with Popo's hammer, for she had forgotten her own. Popo and Y'Link struggled not to laugh: Popo thought his sister was an ass, and Y'Link was trying to make a good impression on the lovely, though sometimes funny, girl. Ness howled until Link came back and taped his mouth shut.  
  
"Ok, which one of you made him cry?" Link asked as he brandished the tape, prepared to wrap the troublemaker up.  
  
Captain Falcon stumbled out of a closet. "Yaou, Baby, I did it!! Everyone howls when I'm around!"  
  
Link and Y'Link attacked the idiot at the exact same second. Five minutes later, Marth, Roy, Link and Fox were carrying a very taped-up against his will Captain Falcon. He tried to scream through the tape blanket he was mummified in, but the attempt was futile. All of them continued to march while poking fun at Captain Falcon. A few minutes later and they were all up in the attic, with everything from elf ears to fox ears pressed up against the door.  
  
Fox sighed with disgust. "Let's just go in, zey von't mind!"  
  
The rest murmured in agreement. "Fine. I'll go first-" Link started, but was interrupted by Zel.  
  
"Wait! Before you die, I wanted to do this," Zel admitted, and French- kissed him for more than twenty seconds. Some awwed, some ughed, and some, mostly kids, disemboweled themselves. Zel's and Link's cheeks flushed as Zel retreated and Link turned the doorknob. Opening the door, he peered in.  
  
The crowd waited in anxious excitement. Link jumped in the door, sword drawn, and it slammed shut. Silence followed. Then they heard Link laughing his ass off. "WHAT?!" Link half-screamed and half-laughed, gasping for air. "YOU WHAT?!"  
  
"Fuck this," Y'Link muttered, and burst in the door, too. Soon both Links were guffawing hard. Y'Link, Link, and two oversized hands came out of the door. Y'Link wiped away tears of laughter, as Link chuckled to himself, his face crimson.  
  
MGAW, who no one had noticed because he was essentially a shadow, jumped out of a dark corner. "HAW-SHAW!" he yelled, slashing madly with an old sword.  
  
"What the HELL is your problem?" one of the hands, the right one to be exact, yelled, picking up MGAW, crunching him up, and throwing him down. "We will be peaceful this time. Now, would every one please sign these contracts?" The hand passed around three pieces of paper and two pens. "Oh, and please keep your writing neat."  
  
Y'Link took his place beside Nana. The contract entered her hands, and she signed it, with neat, small strokes of the red pen, making the perfect name, Nana.  
  
"You write well," Y'Link commented, admiring her artistic style.  
  
Nana smiled and passed the paper and pen to him. He signed it in his native Hylian language. It wasn't neat, b/c he could read fine, but never had much practice w/ writing. Nana admired it anyway.  
  
"Wow," she thought. "He can speak English AND some other language? That is SO cool." "What's that, like, language you were writing your name in?" Nana inquired, watching the paper as it made its way to Gannondorf.  
  
"Hylian. It's a pretty cool language, kinda like cool," he replied, growing ever happier that he'd made friends with Nana back in the bedroom(heh, that didn't sound right, heh).  
  
Nana grinned. "Ya. It looks, like, really awesome."  
  
Across the attic, Bowser admired Gannondorf. "Aww, he is so marvelous. Everything I couldn't be. The perfect villain, that's what he is... perfect in every way," Bowser reflected.  
  
Roy took his gorgeous Bishounen eyes off Zel long enough to spot Bowser sighing heavily and batting his eyelashes at Gannondorf. "What the Hell?" he thought, amazed. "That is just NOT right! Bowser's gay!"  
  
Looking about, the red-haired bishie waved his arms frantically at Marth. "Yo man! C'mere!"  
  
Marth trotted over to his really....hot... friend. "What?"  
  
"Bowser's gay!" the hottie whispered, turning Marth towards Bowser, who still fantasized about Gannondorf.  
  
Dropping his jaw, Marth turned back to his FREAKING HOT friend. "Man, that is so fucked up. You wanna go get high?"  
  
"No," the adorable, hot, appealing, nice-assed Roy answered, annoyed. "You go ahead. I'll be down in a few."  
  
"Ok, I'll go see where the big hand guy and his friend want us to stay." With that, Marth jogged to the hand, asked it something, and was pushed aside by it.  
  
"Ok, all of you. Listen to me now, b/c I'm not gonna say this again," the right hand announced, drawing the attention of all the eyes in the attic. "Good. Now, the east end is the girls' dorm, and the west end is the boys'. You MUST stay in your own dorm room, unless you are invited into another dorm. If you are found in a dorm that you were not invited into, you will pay a dear price." Everyone exchanged glances. "Each day, you are expected to wake at nine 'o clock, no later. The breakfast hall is in the middle of the mansion, on the first floor, the lounge rooms in each wing, the main lounge rooms are on the second floor, directly above the breakfast hall, and I'm sure MOST of you will be able to find the bathrooms," the hand explained, wiggling its fingers. "Now, go explore. Tomorrow you will start your job."  
  
Marth dashed down the stairs before anyone else, eager to light up. The rest followed, also wishing to do something incredibly important.  
So that's it. I'll say it now.  
  
HOLY SHIT ROY IS SO FUCKING HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Had to get that out. *shivers*  
  
In the next chappy they'll get to the Captain Falcon smashing!!! I can't WAIT!!!! *runs off to stare at Roy's nice ass* 


	4. Guess Samus hates Capt Falcon:who don't?

Note: you know.... that last chappy..... whoo! I swear I must've spent an hour looking at Roy's butt. Mmmmmmmm is it nice....you should really take a good look at his butt someday *is happily floating around* oh, yeah the .... story..... um yes.... uh.....chappy 4  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Samus moaned as she rolled out of bed, clutching her stomach.  
  
"WELL," Princess Peach hmphed from the other bed. "I just appreciate it that you cut MY beauty sleep short!" Samus rolled her eyes, regretting the decision to stay in the same dorm with Peach.  
  
"Sorry, it would be just *horrible* if you lost some of the sleep that makes your eyes so wrinkly- uhhhhh I mean, heh, lovely," Samus apologized in a false tone.  
  
Peach sniffed disapprovingly and struggled up to get dressed. Samus re- assembled her spacesuit, all the while glaring at Peach.  
Popo awoke and glanced at the clock, which read 7:30. Groaning, he rolled off the bed and stole a peek at Link, who was still sleeping like a bug under wood. "Hey, Man, get up," he commanded him, already wishing he'd chosen to share a dorm with Y'Link.  
  
Link's ears moved like cat ears, only longer and thinner. "Yeah, I'm up. What's for breakfast I'm starving!"  
  
Popo eyed Link. Even though he was muscular, his ribs stuck out clearly. Looking down at his own tummy, he envied Link. "Judaist I'm a jelly-belly!" he thought angrily, poking at his blubber.  
  
Link pulled on his tunic and Navi flew out of his hat. "What? Navi, what the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Well," Navi started, but before she could finish Link stuffed her in Popo's sock drawer. The whiny voice continued.  
  
"YOU DESERVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link roared at the drawer, quieting it. Popo stared blankly at him.  
  
"So, who was that?" Popo asked casually, exiting the door.  
At the breakfast table everyone had gathered early. The hands sat at each end of the table in the massive room, fingers wiggling. The right hand, now known to everyone as Master Hand, hovered over his chair. All conversations ceased. "Thank you. I shall keep it from you no longer: you are here to fight." Audible gasps were heard. "We also have several people in the closet that will be the same as you, but wearing different colors in the game." *Princess Daisy and Wario stumble out of the closet; Princess Peach and Mario gape* "Also, some of you will be unfortunate enough to not get to fight with the others- for now. Now, would the following people please come over here: Young Link, Jigglypuff, MewTwo, Gannondorf, Dr. Mario, Luigi, Roy, Marth, Mr. Game And Watch, Pichu, and Falco."  
  
"Well," Samus sighed seductively at Captain Falcon, "how about a little, you know, fight?"  
  
"Yeah, baby, how about it? Now girl, I don't want to hurt you but-"  
  
"Shut the fuck up and fight me."  
Samus dragged Captain Falcon to Venom and kicked his ass while everyone else watched. As Captain Falcon flew off the nose of the spaceship, Samus shook her arm menacingly, and a roar swelled up from the crowd.  
  
"What an honor you have had Samus; the first to battle," Master Hand said. "The other courses are now opened, so everyone can use them to fight. In three hours, you will begin the REAL fights."  
  
Link took the opportunity to battle Princess Zelda, to see what her fighting ability was. When asked to fight, Zel grinned widely and hopped off to Yoshi's place.  
  
Link drew his sword and waited. It was a rule in Hyrule that the girl had to hit first, and Zel did. She jumped into the air over him and kicked him in the mug on the way down. Immediately he took his chance and chopped at her leg. The rest of the smashers cheered. Zel landed ten feet away from him. she lifted herself up and prepared for him to come closer. As she predicted, he trotted nearer and she spun around, making a blue diamond appear around her. Link flew into the spinning blocks and charged at her, almost forgetting she was royalty and had a HUGE crush on him, but Zel disappeared in a circle of green lines and appeared over his head. Link twisted his sword about his sturdy body, propelling him upward. The edge of his sword cuffed Zel in the face and she landed hard. After getting up, she changed into Sheik. Sheik spun on her back, striking Link with blows of her legs. Link chopped her to stop the assault. Sheik flew through the spinny blocks and grounded on the hill. Now seriously pissed, Sheik threw her chain at him and twirled it around. Link shot an arrow at her but she blocked it with an odd pink bubble. Sheik grabbed hold of Link and threw him into the side of the hill, beating him. The crowd cheered, as Link recovered beneath the stage; he was in disbelief that Zel, or perhaps Sheik, had beaten him, and also amazed that he still breathed.  
Later that night, they, heh, "made up" in Link's dorm, so Popo was stuck with Navi the fairy and nowhere to sleep. As he wandered through the hall, he grumbled to Navi, who was doing more talking than listening, about the gayness of everything, how bad cheese smelled, you know, the usual pointless shit people bitch about when down in the dumps. Y'Link suddenly leaped out of his dorm, which surprised them out of their wits.  
  
"LINK!!!" Navi roared at him. "WHAT-"  
  
"Peace, my ex-fairy," Y'Link laughed in a mock-wise voice, cupping his hands in a prayer-like position. "I have someone for you to meet." Out of the open door flew another fairy, a yellow one.  
  
*The two fairies stare at each other* "Who the hell is this?" the yellow fairy asked, almost bewildered-like.  
  
"My ex-fairy," Y'Link answered happily. "You two should get along."  
  
"We can try," Navi sighed, staring down the other fairy, who she happened to not like b/c she was skinnier than she was.  
  
"Yes. I'm Tatl," the yellow fairy introduced herself, bowing in her little orb of light.  
  
"Now, Popo, I was just about to come get you. I have important news," Y'Link whispered gleefully.  
  
"Yeah, about that, Link is uhh, you know, 'with' Zel in the dorm so-"  
  
"You want to stay here? I can kick Pichu's ass out; he LIKES that cardboard box, and we can't control the highly promiscuous 'needs' of adults."  
  
"Ain't it the truth," Popo sighed, his mood lifting. "So what was it you wanted to tell me?"  
  
Y'Link motioned for him to wait. "Pichu, cardboard box, NOW!!! Ok Popo, now you can go in."  
  
Popo sat down on one of the beds, and Y'Link on the other. "I talked to the hands today, and they said that we would go home a lot later than the people did last time, in two months!"  
  
"So?" Popo asked, uninterested.  
  
"Well, I sorta kinda like someone and-"  
  
"WHO?!" Now Popo was paying attention.  
  
"Oh, fuck. I didn't want to tell YOU, but I will: I like your sister."  
  
At first Popo chuckled, then giggled, and soon regularly laughing, and then roaring guffaws, until his side hurt from rolling on the floor. "Okay," he snorted, "let me get this straight: you like ... NANA!!!!" *Popo rolls for about five more minutes*  
  
"IT ISN'T FUNNY!!!! GET UP AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!! NOW, AND I MEAN IT POPO!!!!!!!" Y'Link bellowed furiously, sword drawn.  
  
Popo suddenly stopped howling and jumped back on the bed, terrifyingly aware that both Links were equally muscular.  
  
Tucking his sword away, Y'Link took his place on his own bed. "The death threat always works."  
  
"Yeah. So, WHY Nana?"  
  
Y'Link beamed and thought of all the Nana fantasies he'd had. "She's a truly nice girl."  
  
Popo scoffed. "Only around the people she likes, which are very few in numbers."  
  
Y'Link's eyes grew wide. "Then she likes ME!! YAY!!!"  
  
"Ohhhhhhh Judaist..." Popo sighed, rolling his eyes.  
And done was chappy 4!!! YAY!! I finished!! *stares at the ass of Roy's adventure-mode trophy*  
  
CHAPPY FIVE TO BE UP SOON....when Roy's ass becomes unattractive.....whoa.....like...then that'll be NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Zellie nekkid!

Note: if it isn't pounded into your brain already, I dun own these pplz. bleh.

and Roy is still hotter than everyone in SSBM combined and multiplied by a ga-zillion.

Now, on with chappy uhm, *counts on fingers* oh yeah, FIVE!! whoa, 5 already!

The merciless sun beamed through the window at the Bishounen Roy. Grumbling, he remembered the events of the night before, which had included some fighting, pot smoking, drinking, and a little make out session with Peach(hubba hubba!). Roy blushed to himself at the last one, for it happened accidentally: he'd been drunk, high, and bruised, saw Princess Peach, mistook her for her for Zel, and grabbed her. She happily kissed back for some unknown reason, and by the time Roy had heard the news that it was Link who'd gotten lucky with Zel, he was devastated. 

Marth slept in the other bed, sucking his thumb and cradling his beloved bong. Roy nearly burst out laughing at the sight of him and gingerly took the bong from Marth's hands. Running a comb through his unkempt hair, he dashed out of the room and into the kitchen. 

On the counter laid a person. Roy rubbed the sleep from his eyes and realized the person was Zel, half dressed and still sleeping. Gaping, he examined her from four feet away, afraid that if he touched her she'd surely wake up and accuse him of looking at her revealed private parts. A few minutes later Marth sprinted into the kitchen.

"Roy you mother-f, where the fuck is my bong?!" he asked angrily. 

"Shhhhh!" Roy shushed, pointing at the nearly nude girl on the counter.

"Ha-cha-cha!" Marth whistled, stepping closer to Zel. "What a babe Zel is! Check out these-"

"Marth! You're gonna wake her up!" Roy muttered urgently. "I heard that she's a really light sleeper!"

"Yeah but look at this babe!" Marth leaned over her and inhaled deeply. Zel grunted and moved in her sleep. "You're just paranoid. You even told me you'd like to see her naked, so don't lie to me." 

Melting under the heat of what was happening, Roy continued to go about his business. Ignoring the nekkid Zel and his pothead buddy, he reached over Zel and into the cereal cupboard, pulling out some rice crispies and pouring them into a bowl on the table. Marth helped himself to some cocoa puffs and ate with Roy in silence.

"We should probably take Zel back to her room before everyone wakes up and sees her like that," Roy suggested, breaking the unbearable silence.

"Mmmm," Marth agreed through a mouthful of cocoa puffs. 

"Okay, so how will we do it?"

"Well, I think we could carry her; she doesn't look too heavy..."

"But what would we do if she woke up? 'Yeah, Zel, Marth and I just found you in the kitchen and decided to take you back to your room; that's cool, right?'"

"Heh. But that's pretty much all we can do... unless..."

"Are you saying we should wake her up?"

Marth nodded. "Yeaaaahhh......."

Falco caught sight of Fox in the long hallway. "There you are, you fiend!! I'll get you yet!! or my name isn't Mr. Bad!!! Hahahahaha!!"

"You vish!! I vill vanquish you or my name isn't Dr. Good!!" Fox laughed back.

"Ok Fox, this is gay. Let's go eat; I'm hungry," Falco suggested, rubbing his blue stomach.

"Oui. I myself have a huge pit in my stomach."

Fox and Falco strolled down the hall and on the way were joined by Y'Link and Popo. 

"So you guys were hungry, too?" Y'Link asked, his eyes looking almost Japanese from hunger pains. 

"Yes," Falco answered curtly, annoyed by the scrawny twelve-year-old.

"Well sorry I asked," Y'Link grumbled sarcastically.

"No need to be, kid. Falco iz alvayz in a bad mood," Fox assured him.

"YAY!! My savior the kitchen door!!" Popo exclaimed, running to the door and hugging it happily. "Where have you been all my life?!"

"Don't come in!" Marth's voice commanded. 

"Why?" Y'Link sneered. "We've got to eat, too!"

"Listen you little- hey! Roy what the fuck?!"

"Sorry," Roy's voice mumbled. "I need your shirt."

"What? Why MY shirt? Zel can wear either one and wouldn't know the difference; she IS blond you know."

"Didn't you notice I'm only wearing my boxers? God, I sometimes think your hair color is blond instead of blue!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!"

"Hey, shhhhhh!! Zel will wake up!"

"We WANT her to wake up!"

"Not until she gets some clothes on!"

"WHAT?!" all the smashers outside the kitchen chorused, oblivious of what was happening behind the closed door.

"Nothing, I didn't say anything!" Roy told them as he slid Marth's shirt over Zel's head.

"You let me in there now or I'll shoot the door down!!" Falco threatened, drawing his gun.

"Ok, ok! you can come in," Marth agreed as the door opened. "But just you and Fox. Those two are too young."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'm hungry, Goddammit!!" Popo cried, pounding the door.

"What did you two do to Prinzess Zelda?" Fox inquired, bewildered-like. 

"Nothing! We just found her here," Roy told them honestly.

"Sure," Falco scoffed.

Y'Link's eyes narrowed more, becoming Chinese eyes. "They CAN'T hold me from my breakfast!" He backed up and charged at the door. The attempt to break it down proved futile, as Marth had locked the door and, even if he hadn't, Y'Link could never bust down a solid metal door with his slight body. Grumbling cuss words, he stumbled to his feet, pressed his elfish ear on the door, and listened. 

Minutes later, the door opened violently and Y'Link flew ten feet. Zel stood in the frame of the door. Gasping, she dashed over to Y'Link.

"Sorry, Sweetie!! Please don't hold anything against me, please!" Zel pleaded, holding him to her bosom. To Y'Link she was acting uncanny, a way she never acted. He shrugged at Popo, who stared at the paranoid Zel. She kissed his head and helped him up. "Sweetie, you aren't hurt, right?"

"No..." Y'Link answered.

"Good, good." Zel's face relaxed and became the very definition of calm.

"What happened in the kitchen?" Popo inquired curiously.

"Well. I uh, fell asleep on the counter-"

"Why?" Y'Link asked.

"I needed to get some stuff... and, because I was tired, I fell asleep-"

"What did you need to get and why were you tired?" Popo asked.

"I, uhhh, needed to get some um, uh..."

"...stuff that we are too young to know about," Y'Link finished with a grin.

"How did you...?"

"Believe me, Zel, we understand," Popo explained slyly, patting her arm. "You should go get out of Marth's smelly shirt."

Meanwhile, the rest of the smashers discovered it was breakfast time (yes, nine already :P) and walked to the door. 

"You see, JP, it's nicknames that you need. JP. I like it, don't you JP?" Nana lightheartedly inquired to Jigglypuff, who disliked the JP name.

"I don't like it. find a different one," she commanded Nana, threatening to sing.

"Fine. How about like, puff...?"

The Pokèmon fluffed up in anger and punched Nana in the leg with all the strength she could muster. Nana only laughed. 

"Just like, joshing you."

Having arrived at the kitchen, the girls and the remainder of the boys marched in a semi-orderly fashion to the waiting cereal boxes and plates of bacon and eggs, for the pickier smashers, on the table.

Roy and Marth grinned innocently as Falco and Fox wore disgusted looks on their faces, knowing just what had gone on five minutes before. Approaching them, Peach asked the question they knew SOMEONE would ask, "why the nervous looks?"

"Nervous? Naw, we're just, ummm, just..." Roy stuttered, but Zel appeared from nowhere and saved him.

"Hungry. You're just hungry," she finished, winking at Roy and making him squirm with excitement. And... from the corner, I watch the whole thing, and now I think I'll Marth say this and wreck Roy's dreams of ever gettin' some of Zel's Princess pu tang:

"We saw you nekkid," Marth, under MY command, blurted. "Hey, what? That's mean!! *cries*" 

Raising an eyebrow, I command Zel to bitch-slap Marth. She does, and shakes her hand in pain. 

"NOW SLAP ROY!!!" I command from the corner. 

"Yes... as you please my omni powerful master," Zel drones in the robot-taken-over-in-movies voice. Behaving like a good girl, she raised a hand and beat Roy several times with it. Cackling, a figure rushes by (dat would be *moi*) and forces other smashers to do stuff they don't want to do, like:

Samus passionately makes out with Captain Falcon, Roy licks and kisses DK's feet, Peach does something (hint: messy and "oral") to Link, Kirby gives Bowser a spit bath, Mario and Luigi shave their mustaches off, and several others are sent to different rooms for other stuff... (you know you know what I mean- dancing takes space!) and soon all of them have a reason to hate me.... or so they think.....blah-haha!!

Later that evening, everyone sat around in the lounge room for the first time. 

"Ohhh, if I ever get my hands on that girl I'll kill her, I swear I will!!" Samus vowed, wiping her lips, still disgusted at the kitchen incident. The girl, heh, me, rushes from a dark corner.

"(in a beefed-up and mighty voice) You will obey me or all of you will die!! Now, does anyone here want to die?" *crickets chirp* "I thought as much. This fic is the only reason any of you are here, so pretend to like it, Goddammit, or you'll pay the price." *me disappear*

Peach, terrified, spoke quietly to Zel. "Get this, I had to give Link a bj!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" *all eyes turn to Peach* "It was soooooo nasty!!" *Peach shudders at the remembrance* 

Zel shook her head. "I had to have sex with Marth! How seriously fucked up is that?"

"Oooooh, was it fun?" Peach asked in her teasing voice.

"Yes, I loved every second of it, from the screams to the panting to the springs squeaking," Zel answered sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Gasping, Peach sprang up and screamed, "THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!"

A smile crawled onto Zel's elfish face. "Then I suppose you wouldn't want to know how big his tool is...?"

Nana rocked back and forth, traumatized from having to play chess w/ Ness. Closing her eyes, she breathed in... and out... She at least had a very small support group: Y'Link, Jigglypuff, and Popo, but couldn't shake the stupidity she felt. "I... am... soo...dumb....." On the floor next to her on either side sat Y'Link and Popo, but Jigglypuff relaxed in her long hair that hung down her back now that she was wearing jeans and a tank top, singing a soothing song that had made Nana fall asleep twice. Turning to Y'Link, she inquired what he'd been doomed to do.

Eyes turned Chinese, he described the scarring incident of dirty dancing with Pichu. Nana immediately rolled on the floor, laughing her ass off as she pictured Elf Boy dancing with the hyperactive Pokèmon. 

"That is SO funny," Nana gasped, holding onto Y'Link's neck to help herself up. Once sitting upright again, she thought of them dancing in a ballroom and fell down across Y'Link's lap. "Hey, what about ballroom dancing? BWAHUMWABWAMWA!!! BALLROOM DANCING!!!"

Y'Link found nothing about it funny, but tried to roll with it. "With gowns?" he asked the hysterical girl in his lap.

"GOWNS!!!" Nana pounded the floor and gasped for air and Y'Link himself chuckled a little. 

"And high heels!" Popo suggested. Soon all of the three of the twelve-year-olds guffawed and rolled about the floor, each panting for more air. *all the adults go o_O*

DK confessed that Roy was a very good foot-licker, and that he suddenly felt like being a homo. *Bowser scoots closer as Gannondorf slides further away*

Marth, while his experience was not meant to be enjoyed, admitted to Roy that he loved each second of it. In vivid detail he described to his hot, eager friend the events that went on, making the redhead envious and a little... hard (yes, even the most adorable, nice-assed person in the world has that happen to them. Roy is soo hot...). 

"Erm, pardon me for a second," Roy said and rushed off to the guy's bathroom. Ness, also making his way to the bathroom, got knocked over and Captain Falcon tripped over him and fell out the window. 

"SHIT!" Crazy Hand yelled and used his magic powers to fix the window. "That's the fifth guy to fall out of that window this month!"

Roy, once inside the bathroom, rushed into a stall. Seconds later he heard the door open. It was Ness muttering to himself and digging some things out of his little backpack. Roy disregarded him and got back to his "business."

"Oh, I'm sorry, you weren't talking to ME where you? Well guess what- you just bumped into the wrong bitch, hon," Ness told the mirror. Roy peeked through the crack in the stall and saw Ness strutting around the bathroom in a wig, high heels, and a form-fitting dress. Roy snorted with laughter at the little drag queen. "Who's there? HI-YA!!" Ness kicked in the door of Roy's stall. It opened, and they blinked at each other, Roy was caught jacking off (if anyone was too much of a BAKAMONO to figure that out..) and Ness was caught cross-dressing. "Okay, I saw nothing, if you saw nothing, deal?" Ness compromised.

"Yeah," Roy agreed quick-like, slamming the stall door.

*end of chappy*

Oh, that was long -.- well, do you think it was too long, cuz I personally do. *sigh* *dreams about Roy* ahhh, I'm obsessed- but he's just so damned cute you just wanna________.... uh... n/m. heh. fill in the blank!!

please make suggestions; I'm running out of ideas! Well until next chappy, SO LONG!! *disappears in a cloud*


	6. CLONES! MUAHAHAHA!

Note: la la la la la la... *dances around life-sized Roy trophy*

now, enjoy rest of story.

Five figures dashed through the halls in shopping carts. DK, the leader, hit a flight of stairs and tumbled down them, with Bowser, Gannondorf, Yoshi, and MGAW closely following. The shopping carts assaulted the pig pile afterwards, hurting Yoshi the most. 

"OWWWWIEEE!!!" he screeched, nursing his sore tail. 

Gannondorf patted Yoshi on the back. "No worries, my friend. Weeee!" Obviously, Ganny had sucked on Marth's bong a little bit longer than he should have.

"Yeah, weeeeeeeeee!" the rest chorused, dancing and wiggling in the girl's end of the mansion. Sheik flitted down the hall, saw the dancing idiots, and decided to join in. 

"Weeeeeeeeee!" Sheik yelled, twirling and giggling. She took MGAW's hand and they spun around until a wall interfered. "Well, did you guys get a smoke from Marth's bong or what?" 

"Yeeeaaaahhh!!" Pichu tittered "It's funny!"

Zelda also ambled down the hall. "What the-?" MGAW wondered, seeing that both Sheik and Zelda were separate. 

"We have to be two different people," Shiek explained. "The hand guy says so."

"Riiiiight..." MGAW winked. 

Link and Samus entered the main lounge room at the exact same time from the two different doors. Blinking at Link, Samus sighed. "Coincidence?" 

"Yeah... I guess." Link plopped himself down on a couch nearby. Samus, sensing something wrong in the perfect balance of Link, dropped herself down next to him.

"What's up?"

"Just wondering why we're here."

"Oh, boy. He's depressed," Samus thought. "Because, you know... life needs some variety, not always saving somebody."

Link sighed and mumbled something. "I've got plenty of experience in that."

Samus rubbed his thigh. "Me too."

"Couldn't they find someone else to save humanity?" Link grunted.

Samus thought about that. "Yeah, I mean, when that dumb computer tells me to do something, I do it. We're doormats!" 

Muttering, Link nodded his head in agreement. "Why us, right Sam?"

"Yup. There are other bounty hunters out there, why not give me a break?"

Suddenly, three different Foxes rushed through the door. Samus stood up.

"What the hell?" she asked. A Fox in an orange shirt stepped up to her.

"Please, follow me, young lass," he told her with a profuse Irish accent, grabbing her hand.

Link, Samus, and the Foxes sped out to the Great Fox. The orange-shirted one led them inside it. A heavy marijuana smell filled it, as Peppy had a fat joint to suck on. Falco drooled all over the control center-place-thingy, for he'd fallen asleep. Over in the corner helium balloons surrounded Slippy, as he inhaled from them to make his voice stay high-pitched. A Fox commanded Peppy to stop smoking and Falco to wake up... in Japanese.

The rabbit and bird shot him at the exact same time. He fell in a bloody heap on the floor and Slippy angrily grumbled as he cleaned up the mess. 

"What the fuck?" Link asked. 

Another Fox stumbled out of a closet. "Hey, what'd I miss?" he asked w/o an accent. The Irish Fox screamed something indistinctly and looked insulted as the other Fox giggled at him. Samus and Link, both utterly clueless, stepped forward.

"Well," Samus cooed, leaning toward the accent-less Fox, "who are they, my little pet?"

"Clones," Fox answered simply. "We've all got four. Mine just change their accents every five seconds, so ya know." Fox winked at Samus, and she nearly pissed herself with delight. 

"Cool. So where are they?" Link inquired.

"I'll show you. Follow me!" Fox ordered. After kicking Falco in the ass, he ran out before the bird could slaughter him, Samus and Link trying to keep up(hey, Fox is friggin' fast! I'd say they'd be jes dieing by his fastness!!). 

Wherever the Hell the clones were, everyone(yes including the panting, sore, tired, disgusted-at-Fox-b/c-he's-so-fast Samus and Link) had gathered around this weirdo-looking thingamabob. Out of it stepped a beautiful pink Yoshi. Normal Yoshi suddenly forgot about his throbbing tail long enough to gape for at least five minutes. 

"Hey, Handsome," Pink Yoshi sighed sexily, "what are you doing today?"

"N-n-nothing," Yoshi stuttered. 

"Good. I've got just the thing for you, Handsome." Pink Yoshi soon was hanging all over Yoshi, to everyone's disgust. 

"Erm, yes, now, the Sheik/Zelda clones," Master Hand declared. A whole bunch of Sheiks and Zeldas struggled out.

Marth nudged Roy w/ his elbow. "Man, Sheik's hot!" Roy checked out Sheik. 

"Nah, not really," he disagreed. "She walks too weird."

"Look, when she walks, her ass shakes," Marth pointed out, gazing intently at Sheik's butt.

"Now, Roy's and Marth's clones," Crazy Hand announced. Roy and Marth immediately stopped examining Sheik and watched the door of the thingie. A Roy dressed in red strolled out. Many more Marths and Roys(boooo-yeah!!!!) followed him. A Marth clad in green started speaking quickly in Japanese. A Roy argued back in Japanese. The original Roy and Marth, who happened to know every word of Japanese they were speaking/yelling, translated what they were saying.

"You BAKA! I can't believe you told "The Man" about my problem!"

"Well what the Hell ever!! It was Roy Number 4!"

"Was not!!! No, wait... uhh, I mean it wasn't!!"

*Random Roy draws sword* "Duel!! Marth and me Number three!!"

"Hey! Chicken butt!"

"Duck butt!"

*pause* "There's no duck butt you BAKA!!! Now I'll duel you!!"

*the real Roy steps up and speaks Japanese to all of them.* *everyone stares and the real Marth falls on the ground and guffaws his ass off* 

"What did he say?" Gannondorf asked Marth.

"I said they were all a bunch of BAKAs and stop saying BAKA b/c it's offensive," Roy said.

*Gannondorf stares* "I don't get it."

Later, around the dinnah table(mmmmm yummy yummy food!!!!!), Bowser roasted his "duck butt" w/ his fire breath. 

"You, like, totally need a Tic-Tac," Nana told him, reaching for more duck butt. *Bowser's eyes fill w/ tears*

"I can't help it! I'm emotionally frail, so please don't insult me anymore, Nana," Bowser pleaded, staring at her through tear-filled puppy dog eyes.

*all conversations cease as everyone gazes at Bowser* Cheeks turned red from embarrassment, Nana sunk into her chair. Kirby asked, suddenly, about the duck butt. "Why the Hell are we eating duck butt?"

*a Roy dressed in green and a Marth clad in black walk out of the kitchen and speak Japanese* Falco, Fox, Sheik, Roy, and Marth all stare at them for a split second before thinking about what they said.

"That is stupid," Sheik blurted quietly. 

*Japanese Roy responds w/ gibberish: "Watashi wa shizuka hiru! Gisei Roy wa taka yon ga goshujin no essen ..heh"*

"What?! You sacrificed Roy number 4 for our meal?! And.... you're a quiet duck? *O_o*," Falco inquired, sickened.

*Japanese Roy and Marth stare blankly* *Falco rolls his eyes and translates his questions for them* "So? Did you?" Fox wanted to know.

"Do what?" Gannondorf wondered aloud.

"I'm not a cannibal!! Sheik roared unexpectedly and began to walk off. 

"Teiryuu!" Jap Roy screamed. "Hiroimono yo hiru!"

"Sure!" Sheik still walks off... man the kitchen must be pretty big.. if it takes her that freaking long to get across it then WA! *Jap Roy dashes over to her and pulls her into the part of the kitchen where food is cooked* Minutes later, Jap Roy came speeding out of the kitchen, Sheik closely following w/ a 12-inch long carving knife. "How do you say 'asshole' in Japanese?"

After dinner, all the smashers were in the main lounge room. Sheik, Zelda, Samus, and Peach all played Utada Hikaru songs in Japanese and tried to sing along, even though Sheik was the only one who could actually sing 'Colors' w/o messing up(you try that!! that song is freakin HARD!!). Nana crept here and there, examining everyone in his or her activities. All the others were high. Ness and Popo danced w/ each other, tripping and falling over everything, including people. Marth bitched to Roy about how he sounded like a girl, MGAW burned random things, and Master Hand prepared to make an announcement.

*Ahem* "May I have your attention please?" he asked in a declaring type of voice. "Tomorrow night we have decided to have a formal dance. I know that you may not know each other very well, but please ask someone to go w/ you. Also, some of you have visitors." *a bunch of people walk out of a closet* "Now, reunite, or..... do..... whatever."

Luigi and Mario found themselves w/o any friends. Luigi, in his unnaturally high voice and Italian accent, sounded positively hilarious when he sat in the corner to put his sadness into unsuccessful sit-ups, encouraging himself to "keep up the good work." *O_o* Anyway, Nana and Popo only had terrible news that the polar bears had to be their friends forever. Both were dragged away screaming. All of the people from the Legend of Zelda had tons of friends, b/c heh, LoZ rocks. Grown-up Malon(or Cremia in MM), Naboru or whatever her name is, Gannondorf, Link, and Zelda all crowded about in a circle, sharing tidbits of info about stuff. Ostracized, Impa sagged over to the circle of Young Malon, Romani(BTW, even tho they're the same person, I need more girls in the story, pplz!!), Saria, and Y'Link, where she became even more left out. Fox and Krystal were arguing about something, maybe it was Krystal's gigantic purse she'd bought at a yard sale, or perhaps the sluttish clothes she wore, and she looked like a hooker-fox-thing fresh from a corner of LA. Impa, having been the snoop that no one liked, scoped out every conversation, taking mental notes and examinations, like how the whore from FE6 seemed to be REALLY coming on to Roy(can we blame her??), and how Romani gazed at Y'Link w/ a love struck twinkle in her eyes.

"This is soooooo good," Impa told herself after the reunion was over. "Soooooo good...."

Later that night, Bowser waited outside Ganondorf's dorm that he shared w/ Pikachu. "I'm gonna confess my feelings to him," Bowser told himself, contemplating exactly how to do it. 

Mewtwo, floating by, spotted him talking to himself. "Freak. Even I don't talk to myself, and I'm psychic!" he commented snottily. 

"Shut up, no one asked you!" Bowser roared back, stifling tears. 

The really nasty-looking elf known as Impa snuck down the hall, in her Sherlock Holmes outfit, and wrote down some things in her notebook. "I see Bowser wants to do something... what could he be doing outside Ganny's dorm, hmm?" she asked Mewtwo. *Mewtwo shrugs*

"I dunno," the evil Pokèmon answered truthfully. 

"None of your business what I'm doing! If I wanna make a late-night visit to my friend Ganny then that should be fine w/ everyone and very unsuspicious!! Now fuck off!" Bowser growled at them. *Impa writes eagerly in her notebook*

Peach brooded in the Pokè floats stage, on Squirtle's arm. "Life sucks," she muttered through tears. "Really freaking sucks." Ok, lemme give you the scoop on Peach's mood: Mario dumped her for MGAW, Samus tripped her and she fell down three flights of stairs, Impa cornered her w/ questions about her love life, and, to top it all off, Daisy beat her in a loser-out tournament. So life really DID suck for her then. Suddenly, as if sent by Din herself, Link strolled over.

"Hey," he said, plopping himself down beside her. "What's up?"

"My life is bad. I wish I'd never agreed to doing this. I-"

"Hey, it ain't so bad. We have food and new clothes, right?" Link comforted her, wrapping a strong arm about her tiny waist. 

Peach wiped her tears. "Well, that is sort of true. Could you stay with me? I need someone to talk to."

"Sure," Link agreed, tightening his grip on her. 

longest chappy yet!!! *claps* well now i must get on to chappy seven!!! Good-bye!! *disappears in a cloud*


	7. Evil people are people that hate Roy

Note: hey this is like the first disclaimer I've written in a while!! ok, so you're wondering why, eh? Well, one of my own made-up characters is introduced in this chappy, Jean, who is sort of a cross between Roy and Link. Strange combo? I thought so, too, and that's why I made her! Anyway, just don't steal her or nuthin' and everything will be fine :)

now, on with story =^_______^=

Master Hand hovered over his workstation, cooperating w/ Crazy Hand to type on a normal-sized keyboard. Pretty hard for two huge hands. The young women crowded in the corner, occasionally giggling about something... except one. She found herself rarely even smiling anymore, after all of the troubles her green eyes had seen.

Sighing to herself, she turned to Crazy Hand. "How much longer is this going to take?" she asked in her husky voice, that of a young boy's, one that was tinged w/ a nearly unnoticeable Slavic accent.

"Well- NO!!!! Idiot!! The freaking Z is over there!!- at this pace, a while," Crazy Hand answered, breaking in his answer to bitch out Master Hand.

"Great," she muttered sarcastically, twirling her sword in her left hand. "I can only wait..."

Ganny, aghast from finding out that Bowser was gay, wandered aimlessly through the hallway. Impa, being the little snoop she is, drilled him w/ questions and then left, felling she'd gathered enough information to start her own newspaper, along w/ Pichu's and Mewtwo's help. Jumping as though from nowhere, Falco tackled the unsuspecting Ganny. 

"Hey! Come on, bro, we're gonna be late!!" Falco told him, running down the hallway.

"....for what?" Ganny wondered aloud, also dashing down the hall.

In the kitchen, where it seemed to everyone that many events went on, the group of girls gathered behind Master Hand and Crazy Hand, blocking them from the eyes of the smashers. 

After a lengthy speech, or so it seemed to Roy, Master Hand finally told them about the group of girls. One stepped out, a delicate and frail girl in a VERY long skirt. She snorted, pushed her geeky glasses higher up on her nose, and smiled, revealing crooked teeth clothed in braces. 

"Hi," she said nasally, "I'm like your average teen. Couldn't find a date so I decided to save the world... yup."

"Remind you of someone?" Marth muttered to Roy, who glared back at him.

A bunch more young women introduced themselves, but one caught everyone's eye. REALLY caught everyone's eye, like a lot. Every glistening inch of her screamed "¡¡SEXY!!" at the smashers. Even Master Hand and Crazy Hand couldn't help but gape..... wait.. how can two huge hands GAPE????? Aw, just try to imagine it. 

"I am Anaxandra, princess of Amklian," she announced, grinning to reveal perfect, straight, white teeth. Her curly hairs were rose petals, scattered over the floor where a Goddess would soon stroll, her eyes cobalt pools from the holiest water, skin healthy-looking but not too tan. The dress she wore was that of a simple farm girl, although it matched her eyes perfectly. 

"There is... yes, one more girl," Crazy Hand declared in a slightly higher voice. Moving to the side, he revealed a sulky reddish-brown haired eighteen-year-old who leaned against the wall and kept her emerald eyes on the floor. A sheath was buckled to the right side of her hip, indicating that she was left handed. She was clad in the sea green outfit of a protector of royalty. Golden bands around the upper arms of her uniform indicated high rank, a very rare sight for a woman. Marth, noticing her war boots, wondered how many men she'd slaughtered. Au natural- a guy would! And then, I dashed out. 

*slicks back wet hair and sings to some mysterious music that plays in the background* "...hold me/whatever lies beyond this morning/ is a little later on/ regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all/ nothing's like before.." *the Hikki song played in the background* The basis for the whole reason I aspired to learn Japanese! WOO! *the song ends and another one plays* "Reisei na manazashi de kono chijou no in to yo wo/ Sayuu ni kakiwaketeku/ Watashi wa ano koro kara kimi wo mane shitakute/ Sukoshi togarashita kuchibiru de saki e tsukisusumu." 

*Roy recognizes the song* "Hey! That's 'Uso Mitai Na I Love You,' right?" he asked. *everyone that can speak Japanese blinks at him* "Don't....ask....how....I...knew...that..."

"Uh, I won't, sweetie! Now, I jumped out of nowhere to kind of introduce everyone to Jean and Anaxandra, at their worst moments!! Copied and pasted right from my story of them!(which, btw, will be on fictionpress.net shortly....) You can plagiarize yourself, right?" *the plagiarism police wait outside the door, eager to strike* "Anyway, the one for Jean. Embarrassing, but, hehe, I LIVE to embarrass people!" *I start reading off of a piece of paper*

__

"Ten minutes later, Jean stopped outside of an expensive-looking Russian store. The two young women marched in and Jean leaned over the counter. A clerk skipped out, dropped his jaw and voiced something in Russian. Jean tipped further over the counter, until her face and the clerk's face were mere centimeters apart. Jean whispered some Russian to him, a talent Janine hadn't known Jean possessed, and he uttered Russian back. Then, their lips locked in a fervent kiss. Janine stumbled backwards and knocked over some makeup jars, her mouth hanging open from pure shock."

Jean's face reddened in remembrance as all eyes turned to her. Janine, the red-headed klutz, who CLOSELY resembled Gannondorf, shook her head and covered her eyes.

*I read off a paper for Anaxandra*

__

"Anaxandra dejectedly wandered back to her room, trying to erase what she'd just seen from the depths of her mind. She wanted to lock the thought of her mother committing treason as far back into the reaches of the universe as it would go, never to be felt by her mind again. Incensed tears formed behind her eyes, but did not seep down her rosy cheeks. Pushing open the door to her own room, she spotted a slave cleaning up her quarters. Though she didn't wish to be mean to her slaves, she wanted to be left alone, and the slave wasn't permitting that."

Anaxandra frowned angrily at the thought still, but then remembered that the poor slave that had done nothing to her had suffered for it, and, ashamed, she looked away from... whatever she was staring at. 

"Yes, I can write and not be overly silly, well... actually, Jean's part took me forever to write it, I was too, uh... sheepish. But then Janine swore, to take me mind off it!!

__

"Fuck!" Janine cussed colorfully, examining the face paints all over her dress."

"That was silly. Heh," me say.

Ganny suddenly bust into the kitchen. Janine, turning, widened her eyes and Ganny's eyes did, too. 

"Janine?" he asked, amazed, right before hugging her.

Janine stepped back, all eyes watching her, and slapped him with all her might. **"JACKASS!" **she screamed at him. "Where'd you go? I-I missed you." Stifling tears, Janine fled to Jean's arms, and Jean moved for the first time and hugged her, attempting to comfort the crying teen. 

Ganny felt awful. The smashers, all utterly confuzzled, became more confuzzled when Naboru walked in and also hugged Janine, evil-eying Ganny. Janine grumbled about everything before storming off. Jean ran after her and dragged her back, quoting a wise Russian saying to her. 

"What the hell does that mean?" Janine wondered angrily, struggling.

"Cherish moments with familiar ones," Jean translated in English, frowning at Janine.

Everyone was surprised at the way she sounded, almost like, forgive me, my Bishounen, Roy. They all looked from Jean, to Janine, to Roy, to Ganny, to Naboru, and then fell over, twitching, from moving their heads so much.

"I'm dizzy!" Falco announced, covering his eyes and twirling around the floor.

*everyone watches**everyone laughs**everyone gets up* Ganny tried to explain. "Well-I-it's-uh-luh-snuh-muh-buh-juh-fuh-kuh-puh-guh-"

Everyone: "SHUT UP!"

Janine still glowered at Ganny, whom she was mysteriously acquainted with. Jean held the fuming fat girl.

*Janine stops glaring at Ganny and looks at innocent ~me~* "Did you just call me fat?" she asked.

*sweatdrop* "Well, I didn't know you knew what I write about you..." I say, looking dumb. 

*everyone disregards it and gets back to watching Janine glare angrily* "Sweetie, I-" Ganny started, but was cut off by Janine.

"Don't 'Sweetie' me. You have an explanation for your leave. NOW TEEL ME!" Janine said curtly.

"Well," Ganny felt the weight of many eyes on him, awaiting an answer. "An affair. I....was...having....an....affair."

"WORTHLESS PIECE OF SCUM!" Janine, Jean, and Anaxandra all yelled at the same time. They all walked closer to him, encasing him in an inescapable half circle. 

"My mother led the fall of our kingdom with an affair. Once the city found out about it, scandal erupted and they forced us all into exile," Anaxandra told him coldly. Marth immediately felt a connection with her; he knew what it was like to be forced out of your home for a crime you didn't commit. Frowning, the princess turned abruptly on her heel and stood next to one of the girls, a river elf that went by the name of Siobhan. 

Jean put her two cents in. "My father," she confessed quietly, her voice shaking w/ rage, "cheated on my mother while she carried me. He had a kid with the dumb bitch and they ran off together, leaving my mother alone and forgotten." Janine squinted at her. 

"You never told me that!" Janine pointed out.

"Never got around to it," Jean lied, going to stand, expressionless, next to Anaxandra. Janine didn't need to say anything. A glare and pout was all she needed to make even Gannondorf feel bad.

"Ah, yes, I'm not going to ask." Master Hand announced. "Now, all of these lovely young ladies will be leaving, except for Anaxandra, Jean, Janine, Siobhan, and Kameline. Jean, Kameline, and, if anyone could be heartless enough to hurt her, Anaxandra, can fight. Janine has no sword."

"I have my hands, dumbass!" Janine interjected, waving her hands around.

"Uh, on second thought, Janine _can_ fight."

The first person who the girls wanted to battle was, of course, Gannondorf, for being such a jerk and CHEATING! *gasp* It was a stacked three-to-one team battle against the ignorant male specimen, as all girls would have it. 

They all stormed off to the Hyrule Temple. Jean struck first, with a quick stab of her sword, then ran, with incredible Marth-like speed, to his other side. Wishing to inflict some bodily harm, Janine punched him in the gut with a grunt. Anaxandra stood far away and focused all of her energy into her fingertips and waved her arms out in front of her, unleashing a huge flood of water that Gannondorf immediately died from. Ignoramus came back on an odd revival platform thingie. Jean paused to think about what it could be, until Ganny swept her feet out from under her. Getting up and wiping the blood from her nose, she viciously kicked him in the thigh. As he took his time being stunned, Janine slapped him a lot. Anaxandra saw a flower drop in front of her, so she picked it up and hurled it at Ganny. A flower promptly grew from his head, which Janine found funny. Ganny barely got a slap in as all of the girls attacked him at the same time, kicking, slashing, and slapping. Finally, he just walked off the cliff and died. 

Later that night, The girls all crowded around the lounge room. Impa chatted to MewTwo on a walkie-talkie, discussing the arrangement of the newspaper, as Saria checked out a picture of a hottie that happened to be on the wall.

"Mmmmm, he's cuuuuuuuuuutttttte," Saria drooled, stroking the poster. The black-haired mountain climber known as Nana that stood next to her examined him critically. 

"Not as cute as Young Link," Nana giggled, Saria joining in. 

"Or, Roy!" Saria suggested, thinking lovely thoughts about his ass. 

"Roy? Well... he's ok, I guess," Malon said from behind the girls.

"OK?!!?!?!?!?!???!?!?!" Saria and Nana exclaimed, whirling around and giving her a double dose of EVIL EYE!! HAHAHA! 

"I'll bet that no one in here besides you thinks he's 'ok!'" Nana wagered, squinting evilly at her. Standing up on a nearby chair, Nana announced, "Who here likes Roy?"

*everyone roars and hoops and hollers and claps until Nana gets off the chair* Nana stuck out her chest triumphantly. "See?"

Malon grunted something about stupid redheads before remembering that SHE was a redhead, so she smashed her head repeatedly on a wall. Across the room, Samus practiced singing.

"You have a very sweet voice," Anaxandra complimented.

"Thanks," Samus said, her voice cracking.

Samus's personal voice trainer, adult Malon, touched the young bounty hunter's smooth neck, noting the length and size of it. "Now, I want you to go up the musical scale one more time," Adult Malon commanded her.

"Again?" Samus sighed, beginning the musical scale.

Ok. Now, what did you think of that? Took me forever!! Please review, and please visit my personal webbie: 

Currently there isn't much there, but I'm proud of it b/c it's all hand-typed html! It's my pride and joy! *beams*


	8. Go shorty, it's ya birthday

Note: laaaaaaaa, lalalalalalalalalalalalala! *pats Roy's ass*

Now, on w/ story!

The night came. But, since no one had a date, Peach wrote the names of all the adult and kid guys on little pieces of paper and put them in separate hats. The guys had to watch, and grinned and bore it as one by one, the girls picked their dates for the dance. Half of the girls wore looks of disappointment on their faces after drawing a slip of paper, but Zelda begged to differ. She looked at none of the guys who stood, watching helplessly, across the room and showed all the other girls and they all fell into a giggle-fit.

"That doesn't sound good," Falco pointed out, his face feathers paling. 

Marth spat some profane Japanese through his fake grin as the girls continued to titter uncontrollably. Looking at him sideways, Roy muttered, "What was that about?"

"Nothing," Marth grunted angrily. Obviously, he was in a bad mood. "I could've gotten my own date!"

"It's our own fault that we all forgot. We probably don't even _have_ dress clothes in those outfits that the hand dudes gave us," Fox told them, wondering which girl had picked him and hoping that Samus had. 

Samus, across the room, eyed the name on the slip of paper. Grumbling about it NOT being Fox, she stormed to the wall and sulked. _Maybe I'll have fun. At least there'll be drinks there._ Samus encouraged herself, utterly depressed. Of course there will! After all, I AM the one writing this story! Everyone's gonna get really wasted and you know it! :)

*At the dance, in a ballroom somewhere in the mansion, all the girls are standing there, looking dumb, as they wait for their dates* The ballroom reflected the simple elegance in everyone, a pearly floor that mirrored everything, equally lustrous walls and ceilings, and gorgeous chandeliers. Swirling about in their beautiful gowns, the girls all admired each other. Samus's dress went over the best; it was a red ankle-length skirt with a separate matching top, but still a gown, don't get me wrong!

"I bet your date's gonna rip that off real fast!" Zel snickered, pointing at the belly-button length top.

Samus, remembering how meek her date seemed, just nodded a nervous "yeah."

*At the guys' lounge room, everyone is scrambling to get dressed* Roy stood at the mirror, his trusty hair gel in hand, and tried to tame his wild mop of red hair, screaming some slurred profanity every once in a while.

"Goddamn shit ass fuck buncha fuckin retarded shit I NEED A HAIRCUT!" Roy exploded furiously, flinging a futile comb that conked Captain Falcon on the head and knocked him out. *everyone stops what they're doing and stares at the hot ninth grader* "WHAT?!?!?!?!" *not wanting to be the brunt of any infuriated attack by the Bishounen, everyone goes back to combing and preening and dressing and washing and whatever*

Link, having finally taken his hat off, felt naked. He wore a stiff suit he'd found in a drawer of his bureau. It was a deep green and _really_ cute on him. His younger self hid behind the same couch, feeling equally lacking without the adorable cap, wearing the same suit. Blinking at each other, they silently agreed that their hair wouldn't be put up the same, too.

Five minutes later, a bunch of starched-clothed guys marched grumpily up the stairs to wherever the ballroom was. Upon entrance, they noticed the girls all dancing w/ each other, which heh, made their 'soldiers' stand up, heh. Every one of the girls stopped immediately after spotting them, wearing sheepish looks on their powdered faces. Roy and Marth pulled up the rear, Roy's hair dripping w/ hair gel and Marth just in a bad mood. 

An odd silence passed as the smashers waited for the hands to come out and start the dance. Finally, after about two minutes of staring and the occasional whisper or mutter, Master Hand and Crazy Hand floated out. A brief announcement and then the boys stood clueless as their dates came to them. 

Samus slowly teetered to the drippy-haired Bishie known as Roy, nearly falling in her high heels around six times. 

"Graceful ballerina," Roy mumbled sarcastically when she finally got there.

"Yeah, well... nice hair," Samus snorted back.

"This is the best I could do, considering the time squeeze."

Samus blinked at him. Scooting closer, she pulled the whole fake-yawn thing and wrapped her arm around his tiny shoulders. Then she pulled his head down and buried his face in her breasts as she slicked back his loose hair. "There!" Satisfied w/ her work, she released him from her death grip. Samus studied him. "Omigod! You look like a _cute_ red-haired version of James Bond! Cool!"

"Thanks," Roy mumbled, not knowing what to think but suddenly _very_ aware of how curvy and shapely and busty and hot Samus was. Noticing Roy's eyes all over her body, Samus took his chin and moved his head level to her face, where she knew he wouldn't look. 

Roy, embarrassed at being caught by the very girl he was checking out, grinned guiltily and attempted to turn, Samus wouldn't let him. The hold on his chin was a clamp, and Roy was the unsuspecting table....heh heh heh....

"Let's get a drink," Samus suggested, freeing his chin from her hold w/ a "don't do it again" sort of glance. 

"Yeah," Roy agreed nervously, watching everything but his date.

Jigglypuff's date wasn't going well :'(. Beside her, a very gelled-up cap less Y'Link sat, disgusted at his luck. "This sucks," they both muttered at the exact same nanosecond. Blinking, the realized a very cool song was playing: 50 Cent's "In the Club." The lyrics to it magically appeared in Jigg's head and she ran to the DJ, DJ CAHLAY(dat would be me), and stole a microphone.

"Go shorty, it's ya birthday/ We gonna party like it's ya birthday/ We gonna sip Bacardi like it's ya birthday... And you know we don't give a fuck cuz it's ya birthday!" Jigg sang, actually pretty well, and everyone clapped and yelled "GO JIGG!"

*DJ CAHLAY is not pleased* "Dammit Jigglypuff! This ain't a fuckin' karaoke party! Get a life!" DJ CAHLAY shrieked, kicking Jigg sharply up the ass and making her float into the air like the balloon she was. "Ah, yes. Sorry you had to see that. Now, help yourselves to free vodka over there."

*everyone rushes to the free vodka table, except for Roy and Samus, they were already there, Jean, and Marth and Anaxandra* 

Marth felt honored to be in Anaxandra's presence, even though he was also exiled royalty. Absentmindedly he'd been mumbling things to her, and even though she could barely understand what he was saying half the time b/c of his English vocabulary breaking under the nervousness he felt and his accent gradually turning more Japanese by the second, she listened intently to what he told her about himself, Roy, and their companions. "So, uh, enough about ... me. Tell me about yourself," Marth insisted, cursing himself as he could barely understand the words he'd said, his accent returning like when he first learned English. Yes, Marth. We all fricken know it. ENGLISH SUCKS. There. I said it. There's too many rules that even I don't get, like I before E except after C. If I always followed that rule, I wouldn't have even GOTTEN into the seventh grade spelling bee! IMHO, the best language is Spanish. It's simple, makes sense, and even _I_ can speak it. Kinda. ;)

The look of amusement the Princess wore on her face made Marth even more nervous. "The way you talk is changing. I'm going to assume that you suddenly forgot all of the English you know, correct?" Marth nodded. "Ah. It happens to Jean all the time. It's very entertaining to watch her search each corner of her mind for the English word, until someone tells her how it is pronounced."

Becoming less shy, Marth asked, "What's the deal with her? She never seems to smile."

Anaxandra grinned, melting Marth's heart of ice. "You remembered your English!" Anaxandra leaned closer to him, putting him back in the reverting-to-Japanese-and-forgetting-English-state he'd just come out of. "We should go somewhere else," Anaxandra told him, glancing briefly at Jean. Marth obeyed, strolling along beside her to a red couch across the ballroom from Jean. She dropped delicately down on it, Marth beside her, a little farther away than he realized until Anaxandra scooted closer.

"Jean," Anaxandra sighed. "Is the strongest woman I've ever met in my life..." She told Marth briefly of Jean's story: sex, drugs, lies, murders and prostitution. Anaxandra wrung her hands in her lap, knowing that the cause of all of the pain Jean had felt fell squarely on her own tiny shoulders.

Marth sat, speechless, and thought about going through a Hell like that and not immediately impaling himself. Anaxandra was right. Jean was an incredibly tough woman. "You're right!"

Anaxandra nodded, and joined Marth in his staring fixedly at Jean. With crossed arms and a face completely devoid of any emotion, she stood in line for the free vodka. In many ways she was like Marth, but with a hidden temper like Roy and an almost ominous presence. The vodka line shortened, and the tender to the table asked Jean what 'vodka' meant.

"It's Russian, right? So what does it mean?" the tender inquired. 

Jean blinked. "No one cares. The word is not normally used in everyday vocabulary." Taking her plastic cup of vodka, Jean paced back to the table where her date, Bowser, sat, sucking down the miniscule cup of an alcoholic beverage of some sort. 

Wiping away a tear, he complimented Jean. "I don't know how you did it. You are the most amazing person _ever_." Recently Jean had told him the story of how she had come to be a swordswoman. 

"Thank you, Bowser. You need not cry for me; everyone else has done plenty of that," Jean thanked him, her eyes wishing to smile but her lips not allowing it. Bowser leaned over and hugged her. The auburn-haired swordswoman disappeared under the overgrown turtle's bulk, but she certainly hugged him back. The last thing she wanted to be on top of a miserable, twiggy eighteen-year-old w/o emotion was a bitch.

Far across the huge dance floor, MewTwo sat, drunk, next to his date Zelda. "If the balloon goes the rabbit dies and then so does the gerbil after the sock traps his air flow and the peacock shakes his ass oh yeah Roy has a nice ass don't you think I'm drunk," the psychic pokemon rambled to Zelda as he spun his cup of vodka around and around in circles w/ his mind powers. O_o

Zelda shrugged. "IdontknowbutyesIthinkRoysbuttisnice," Zelda answered, literally, in like three seconds. Seriously. o.o

*MewTwo glances sideways and laughs at her, then promptly passes out* Zelda stole his drink and practically inhaled it, then hammered down six more. Drunken, she noticed Link and Peach, also intoxicated, dancing closer than normal. By ten that night, everyone was smashed except for the kids, Anaxandra, Marth, Jean, and Roy. Kirby, being considered a kid and not even old enough to think about alcoholic beverages, laughed at Jigg as she rubbed her sore ass.

"Oh, dammit! That DJ was wearing metal boots, I swear it!" Jigg told Kirby, hugging him and whimpering quietly. 

"No worries, sweets," Kirby comforted her. "Wait! I've got just the thing for you!" Kirby grinned devilishly as they ambled out of the ballroom and to Kirby's dorm.... hehehehehe.....

*everyone go O.O* *Y'Link immediately suspects Marth, as always* "I can't believe he set those two up. He was egging them on the whole time! I outta-" Y'Link spat, glaring.

Romani stopped him. "Don't worry about it! Jigglypuff and Kirby are two semi-mature creatures who can go where they want to go. And just because they headed off to Kirby's room doesn't mean they're gonna do anything!" Romani assured him, lovingly pushing a blade of blond hair off of his adorable face. 

Nana walked by and whispered in Romani's huge ear, "Back off, slut. He's mine!" and proceeded to a door leading out of the huge ballroom. With flaming eyes, Romani tore after her as best she could w/ high heels and a dress on. As though nothing had happened, Nana crept out of the door. Once she was out of the sight of Y'Link, she fled from the red-haired elf, ripping off her heeled shoes to hurl the other Y'Link fan. 

*everyone who is drunk starts doing some crazy shit* Samus suddenly shred her shirt and tossed its remnants on the floor. Grinning like a mad cow, she pinned Roy, her unsuspecting redheaded hottie of a date, to his chair and started to kiss him. Immediately he shoved her off, nearly puking from the terrible taste she'd forced on his tongue w/ her own.

"What the hell was that for?!" he nearly yelled, resisting the strong urge to dash out of the ballroom and down seven flights of stairs to his dorm.

Samus grinned, then barfed, then drank some more vodka, then wiped her mouth and attempted to French him once more. But, unlike the time before, he was prepared. He caught her as she dove at him and held her arms behind her bare back. 

"Now, what was that for?" he inquired again, less angrily, but still angrily. 

Samus wiggled about and threw up five times before she answered "I wanted to! *hic* You should let me! *hic**BARF**cough**spit**wipe**drink*"

Roy became disgusted w/ the intoxicated Samus, and wondered if he acted like that when he was drunk. Quietly he vowed never to do drugs again. "Okay, you need somewhere to stay for the night." Roy's mind churned and whirled as he thought of the available places there were. He knew her dorm wasn't free: Peach and Link had quietly snuck down there and Roy somehow knew that Link didn't want to hear Popo's bitching again like he did after his stay w/ Zelda. 

Roy realized that she'd have to stay w/ him and Marth. Unhappily he picked up the drunken bounty hunter, cursing how heavy she was, and began to carry her down the first flight of stairs. She sucked at his neck, giving him an unpleasant hickey he didn't particularly want, but at least she wasn't trying to kiss him. 

Finally, after he was absolutely sure that Samus was a vampire, he opened up the door to his dorm and set Samus on his bed, tearing her lips away from his neck. Rubbing his back that he'd just strained to its limits by carrying a girl three years older and at least forty pounds heavier than himself down seven flights of stairs, Roy plopped down on the other side of his bed and stripped down to his boxers. After waiting for Samus to fall asleep, which wasn't very easy b/c she kept trying to give him hickies where he didn't want hickies, Roy tucked the space traveler in and jumped inside Marth's bed, not even caring if Marth noticed or not. 

Half of the smashers woke up in the ballroom, covered in their own (and, in some cases, _others'_) vomit. They all had a bitch of a hangover, and found relief by punching Captain Falcon. 

"NO!" The stupid idiot screamed as thirty pairs of fists zoomed at him at once.

Samus awoke to two lumps in the other bed and, assuming they were Peach and Link, tripped into the little personal bathroom. After a quick search through the cupboards and finding nothing but hair gel, combs, male shaving cream, and razors that weren't pink, Samus felt the urge to scream at Peach. _Promiscuous little slut. Just because Link stayed w/ her last night doesn't mean he has to move in!_ Samus thought angrily, marching out to where "Link and Peach" were. 

"Okay, Peach, This isn't funny!" One of the lumps grunted. "Now, tell me where you put my tampons!!! NOW!"

The lumps sat up to reveal Marth and Roy. "WHAT?" they asked at the same time. Samus blushed deeply and ran into the bathroom, locking the door. Marth looked at Roy. Roy looked at Marth. 

"What's she doing here?" Marth inquired, staring at the bishie. 

"Long story." Roy rolled his eyes and explained everything from Samus being there to all of the hickies on his chest and abs to the reason why he was in Marth's bed instead of his own.

Marth blinked as he soaked it all in. He was a wreck in the morning: tiaraless, with hair nearly as messy as his army general of a companion's. "Get her to come out. We're both in dire need of a shower."

Roy jumped up and strode, in his over-energetic way, to the door. "C'mon, Sam. I can explain everything."

"Start w/ me being topless!" Samus exclaimed furiously.

"You did that last night. You tore the fucking thing off so don't even start to suspect Marth or me!" Roy usually won arguments. Yup. A temper and a loud voice always helps, not that Roy's voice is loud. Just annoying and pitchy and girlish. I should know! =^_^=

"Yeah well could you do me a favor and go get my, errr, 'things' from Peach. She'll know what your talking about. Just tell her 'it's an apple problem.'"

"Apples? Ok, I.... guess...*O.o*" Roy answered, wondering what in the world apples would have to do w/ Samus's period. He would. Stupid guys are so ignorant, and apple is like a secret code between my friend and me. It gets us laughing pretty hard.... hehehehehe.

Roy trotted down the hallway, still puzzled by 'the apple problem.' At Peach's dorm he stopped, painfully aware of the pictures of the lovely ladies all over the wall. Before he could even knock, Peach pulled him in. 

"So. You finally admit you've been attracted to me all along, and are here only to ask for a sexual favor! I can see right through you..." Peach accused him in an overly sensual tone, leaning in closer in a vain attempt to kiss him.

Roy pulled away. "No, dammit! Samus needs her fucking tampons, and she fucking made me go fucking get them, and she fucking told me to tell you that it was a motherfucking 'APPLE PROBLEM!!!!!!'" Roy exploded at her, relishing the work 'fuck.'

"Well sorry! Now, you notify her that next time she can get her own fucking tampons, and tell her I sent a shortcake, too!" Peach retorted, practically hurling them at him, along w/ a shortcake.

Angrily Roy made an exit, now wondering where Link had disappeared to when Peach pulled him inside in addition to 'the apple problem.' Along the way back to his dorm, he ran smack dab into Zelda. "Sorry," he grunted as he muscled past her.

"Wait," Zelda ordered him. Roy turned around, ignoring to urge to smash the shortcake on something. Flirtatiously Zelda examined the funny sight known as Roy: a skinny Redhead in nothing but his boxers, ridden w/ hickies and carrying a shortcake and some tampons. "Apple problem?"

"None- how'd you know that?!" Roy wondered irritably, wishing he could understand the twisted minds of women.

"It's a girl thing. What's w/ the hickies?"

"Nothing. They're just normal, embarrassing, hickies," Roy answered, regretting his agreement w/ Samus. 

"And I suppose they just appeared like magic?"

"No! If you really care, last night Samus, in a drunken stupor, gave them to me against my will! Now she thinks it's my fault that all of this happened, so now she wants her stupid tampons and Peach just gave me fucking shortcake to give to her which is probably poisoned!" Roy turned on his heel and kept on rushing down the hall before anyone else could see him.

Zelda stared after him, dumbfounded, and stumbled back to her dorm. All she'd wanted to do was toy w/ him a little, both the hickies and the items in his hand helping, but he had to be in one of his rare but expressive bad moods.

At last Roy burst into the dorm to find Marth pressed up against the door, attempting to persuade Samus to come out. Roy held up the tampons.

"I've got your stuff, Sam. Peach also gave you a lovely shortcake! How _wonderful_!" Roy told the door sarcastically. The door opened enough for Samus to take Roy's gifts, then shut with a click and another snap told them it was locked. 

The two teens dressed in silence, both mentally bitching about Samus hogging the bathroom. There was, of course, a public bathroom complete w/ showers, but no one found it useful. But, _they _didn't have a PMSing woman in their restroom. 

Marth had to suggest it. "Maybe we could use those obsolete showers in the public bathroom."

Roy watched his friend and stopped pulling his pants up. "Sure, YOU have to be the one to suggest stuff. You could've shut up so I wouldn't feel so dumb in knowing that I was just about to say that. Good idea."

They trotted off, the fifteen-year-old redheaded army general, and the eighteen-year-old teal haired exiled prince, towels and the remainder of their clothes in hands.

"Hmm, what should we make them do today?" Master Hand asked the hand next to him in the bed, Crazy Hand. 

"I don't care," Crazy Hand answered, caressing the back of the other hand. "As long as I'm w/ you..."

"You know I want to spend every waking second of my life w/ you, too, but the Smashers CAN NOT know!"

Crazy Hand drifted off the bed, insulted. "Fine. DON'T let them know. LET them live in heterosexual ignorance forever!"

"That's not true that they're all non-gay. We all know Captain Falcon is, but so are a few others," Master Hand informed him, his eyes- shit he has no eyes. GRRRRR! Dammit Shiggy why'd ya have to make a character so HARD to DESCRIBE!?!?!?!

"Like who?"

"Good question. We'll just watch them closer to find out."

Crazy Hand flitted around the room. "I need to make an announcement! You ALWAYS make all of them!"

Master Hand made a gesture toward the door w/ himself. Heh. "Go ahead."

Crazy Hand drifted through the halls, telling everyone that there would be an assembly in the room next to the ballroom: the theater. In his plan for their 'announcement,' there would include secret pictures and videos of the smashers in their most embarrassing/funny/hot moments on a HUGE screen, then an all-out feast. His announcement guffawed in the face of all of Master Hand's announcements.

Whistling, lightly, he opened the door to Marth's and Roy's dorm. Inside, a topless Samus searched through Marth's drawers for a shirt. "Damn you and your stupid over-organization!" She cursed him, unknowing of the oversized hand hovering just inside the door.

"Samus, why are you here? Were you invited?" Crazy Hand asked, nearly making the space hunter jump out of her skin.

"I don't know. I just woke up her and-"

"Why are you topless?"

"Roy said I took it off last night when I was wasted."

"Did they do anything to you?"

"I don't know!" Samus waved her arms around, exasperated.

"Hmm. I'll question them. Now, on a lighter topic, there is to be a secret announcement in the room next to the ballroom in around fourteen minutes. Err, do you want a shirt?"

"Yeah. And some pants!"

Exactly fourteen minutes later, The smashers all sat in theater seats, bored. Precisely two minutes after that, Crazy Hand finally dropped the ball that they would see a slide show/videos of themselves in their natural habitats, and then the feast. 

"Beat that!" Crazy Hand challenged, pushing Master Hand behind stage. 

"Oh, I will!" *Master Hand and Crazy Hand go off to their bedroom* Okay, I don't even want to think about how two big hands are gonna have sex. That's just weird!

The crew of the mansion, who no one ever seemed to see for some reason, manned the show.

*Hikki's "Colors" plays in the background as a particularly cute picture of all the smashers flashed on screen* 

The next picture was of Fox and Falco winking at a sparsely dressed Crystal. A brief moment of laughter and the picture fleeted; another showed: Jean, Anaxandra, and Janine, at a table. Anaxandra appeared to be sort of half-dancing, Jean stared at her, her hair pinned back in a loose ponytail, and she was smiling! Everyone was amazed. Janine had her eyes crossed, tongue sticking out, and staring at her finger. 

The next picture made many a guy VERY hard: Peach and Daisy walking in nothing but bikini bottoms, Daisy pointing at her larger bust and sticking her tongue out in a teasing fashion as Peach squinted jealously at her. Afterwards, Love Hina's "Watashi no Uta" ("My Song") played and two girls from Fire Emblem danced and sang to it, their moves and voices in almost eerie unison. In the end, one of them kissed the other, making the other spit and scream, in rabid Japanese (which was translated at the bottom of the screen) "Fucking bitch don't touch me!" Behind them, two redheaded teens, one Roy, and another older one, sat. The bigger one muttered, in Japanese, "I'm not even gonna ask. Five seconds ago they were friends, and now they're calling each other offensive names." "Like fucking bitch? You can say that now. Lin-chan just said it in town, where it's like illegal or something." Roy told his friend in Japanese. "Don't ever grow up, kid," The bigger one told Roy, getting up and mussing his already messy hair, then walking off. Roy ran at him angrily, and then another picture came onscreen.

Everyone laughed at it, for it was stupid. It was of Ness and his friend Jeff, playing tag, obviously. The next piccy came: Roy, Marth, and about fourteen more adorable guys all in a river, obviously nekkid and bathing (but to the girls' dismay, nothing showed but their upper halves :[ ), Roy and the same redhead seen before were fighting w/ some soap, Marth was practically drowning a green-haired elf, and some girls in the background were giggling at them.

Many more pictures showed, sorry you have to imagine them yourself :'( but this chappy is getting long...

Ah. So, lots of stuffs was revealed in this chappy. In the next chappy, I give you little sneak preview: Jigglypuff and Kirby mess up their lives FOREVER, Adult Malon lets her *true* feelings show, and Zelda tries desperately to flirt w/ Roy, who is tightening up a bit in his actions and attitude...


	9. Sanity fallsfailsflattensdiesloses

Note: *dances around to some J-Pop song and then pats Roy's ass*

=^_^= now, on w/ story!

*begin flashback*

Jigglypuff groggily squinted at the figure next to her, and the events of the night before came flooding back into her memory. Gasping as she remembered what she'd done, Jigg rushed into the bathroom and puked. 

"That's strange," she muttered. "I didn't drink!" She glanced back at Kirby, who still lay, sleeping, in the bed. "Oh, god I feel like crap." A second later, Crazy Hand busted into the room. 

"Kirby! Get up! You'll miss my special announcement!" Kirby grunted and rolled over. Holding her breath, Jigg begged he wouldn't call her name and make her presence known in his dorm. Of course he did.

"Jigg? Baby where'd you go?" Kirby wondered as Crazy Hand wiggled his fingers even more.

"'Jigg?' Was she invited?" Jigg wanted to slap Kirby.

"Obviously! I mean jeez, I ain't naked in my bed for nothing!" Kirby rolled his eyes.

Crazy Hand floated off and Jigg stormed out of the bathroom. "Bastard! Why'd you tell him that?!" Jigg slammed him across the face and slipped her red flower on, then stomped off.

"Great," Kirby mumbled, also taking his leave. 

*end flashback*

"So that's how it happened, Mister Doctor Mario, sir," Jigg explained through heavy tears. "I've ruined my life forever! And I dragged Kirby down w/ me! I'm sorry Baby! Forgive me!"

"No! It's my fault! Don't blame yourself!" Kirby cried, cradling Jigg in his arms. 

Dr. Mario sighed and turned to Nurse Peach. "Get me MewTwo and that Pokemon professor in here ASAP," he ordered her. 

"Yes, Doctor." Peach's face paled as she stuck her head out at the Smashers who sat outside the nurse's station, unknowing of what was happening beyond the door. "MewTwo, please come in here. Zel, Sweets, could you get me that Pokemon professor?"

The psychic Pokemon drifted inside. "What is it?" He asked, briefly glancing at the pink balloon couple.

Dr. Mario stared at him gravely. "I need you to explain Pokemon anatomy to me to the farthest extent of your knowledge. It is VERY important."

"Uh.... ok... *o.O*"

"Ugh, maybe you'd like to tell all of the Smashers, to clear up some questions?"

"Uh, sure, I guess..." MewTwo and Dr. Mario exited the nurse's station and MewTwo briefly explained a Pokemon's body, w/ the help of a diagram f a Pikachu.

"...You see, all of Pikachu's energy comes from the pit of his stomach. Essentially, that electricity is just digestive acid gone bad..." About ten minutes later, Zel dragged in Professor Oak. 

"Okay, Peach. I've got your 'Pokemon Professor' here," Zel announced, and Peach yanked him inside the nurse's office as Dr. Mario continued to listen to MewTwo's lecture.

"My great stars! Was that MewTwo out there?!?!?!" Oak wanted to know.

Peach rolled her eyes. "In the flesh. Now, Jigglypuff here has a predicament..."

Hours passed, and Oak was literally going crazy by what he was seeing. "In all my years! Never before have I seen a-"

Peach clapped her gloved hand over his mouth. "Shut up! She doesn't want anyone else to know! Respect her feelings!" 

MewTwo finished his biology lesson. "Any questions?"

*everyone's hand shoots up**MewTwo picks Samus* "Yeah, um, can Pokemon be, you know, _gay_?"

MewTwo stared for a split second before breaking into maniacal laughter. "Of course! If you can live, you can be gay! Haven't you heard of the homosexual flamingos?"

*I pop out of nowhere* "And, in the lake I live beside, there are guy ducks that hang around together looking SO stupid w/o little girlfriends, b/c as soon as the girl ducks have their little babies, they're SO done w/ men so they hang out on the other side of the lake from the guy ducks in their little lesbian cliques. I have to admit, those are the smartest ducks I've seen in a while!" I say. *the guys get that and don't find it funny, and the girls snort w/ laughter* "Anyhow, bye bye!" *I dash off*

*MewTwo scowls and picks Roy* "Can you say anything besides just your name in public?"

"Well, no. Shiggy wanted us to be really wEiRd, so he limited our vocabulary to our name and any variations of it. Except for me and maybe two others for some unknown reason..." *MewTwo ponders what that reason could be then continues answering questions*

Hours later, in the main lounge room, the Smashers all gathered around the pink balloon couple, attempting to find out what was going down w/ them. 

"FUCK OFF!!!!" they yelled finally, forcing the intruders away from them in their silent crying across the room from everyone. 

Impa, the current elf paparazzo, snapped pictures and collaborated w/ her Pokemon team of Pikachu and Pichu to make up a dramatic story. "Okay, so we already decided that the picture I took of Roy carrying Samus down the stairs was michinaranukoi, right?"

"Say what what now?" Pichu wondered.

"An illicit love affair!! Hahahahaha!! They'll never suspect a thing, but rather just be amazingly surprised when I drop the bombshell that I knew all along! Hahahahahaha!" Impa's eyes flashed revenge. 

Across the room, the smashers all huddled in a circle, singing the love song for no reason. "Lalalalalalala loooooooooooooooovvvvvee, is so fine, yes, I loooooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvveeeeee to looooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeee you baby, come on now! Let's celebrate and dance so free, we gonna celebrate and dance so free, wooooooooooo yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh!!!" they sang, the paparazzo elf clicking her camera madly. 

*they all stop holding hands long enough to grab a dancing partner and shake their asses to a J-pop song*

*Zel picks Roy for no reason except to be unusually flirtatious* "So, what do you think of this song?"

"'Watashi wa no Happy Birthday'? That woman can't even speak English at all; did you hear the way she said hysteric? 'Hee-ster-eek.'" Roy told Zel as he listened to the song and Megumi Hayashibara's annoying Japanese accent, especially when compared to Hikki, who has like NO ACCENT AT ALL!!!! In fact, she can probably speak English better than I can!!

"I couldn't even tell that she was speaking any English at all... her voice is so unnaturally high..." Roy knew that comment was aimed directly at him and his annoying, girlish, too-deep-when-he-talks-which-annoys-the-HELL-out-of-me type of voice he had. GAH Roy's voice pisses me off. If it wasn't so girlish and then suddenly five times as deep when he slashes his sword around and says his cocky little Japanese saying, I might actually like him more than I do, if that's possible. *curses Shiggy for hiring Jun Fukuyama to play Roy's voice, and curses Jun Fukuyama for having such a FUCKING WEIRD voice and ruining the Bishounen known as Roy*

"Yeah. Unnaturally high." Roy evil eyed her, evidently not knowing that she wanted to like him back. 

Zelda bit her lip and cussed as she thought of a way to push his interests back into her. Secretly she'd liked him the second their eyes met, but just wanted to sway the others into thinking that she had no interest in him whatsoever. The approach proved futile, as Sheik, whom Zel shared a room w/, had caught sight of her glancing at him across the breakfast table, lunch table, dinner table, lounge room, etc, and accused her of finding at least a rodent-like interest in him. Caving, Zel had told her that she thought he was the most adorable person in the entire universe and she was infatuated w/ him. 

Zel's shoulders slumped. "Sorry," she apologized, going to sit down. The bishie stood there for a second, amazed at what had just happened, and then trotted over to plop his cute ass down next to her.

"It's okay, albeit a little common..." Roy chuckled to her, desperately trying to make Zel feel better. 

The Elvin princess grinned him. "Thanks... I didn't mean anything, really." She spread her arms out, indicating to Roy that a hug was coming, which he accepted more than graciously. 

All the way across the lounge room, Samus and Adult Malon shared a beer. "Oh, I am so drunk. Could you walk me back to my dorm?" Malon asked Samus.

"Uh, sure...*o.O*" *Samus and Adult Malon go off to Malon's dorm* 

Malon teetered around falsely to make her space hunter friend feel guilty and take her inside, which was all part of her plan. "Uh, I should probably help you in..." Samus suggested.

"Oh, if you insist!" Malon agreed, holding out her wrist in a fakely drunken manner. Once inside, Malon kicked the door closed, putting the two teens in utter darkness. The first part of Malon's plan finished, the redhead pushed Samus down on a bed and kissed her repeatedly and anywhere she could. 

"HEY!" Samus hollered, slapping the offender off and exiting abruptly. Wiping the evil taste from her mouth, the bounty hunter cussed at the woman she'd previously thought could be considered a friend. 

Malon, her lesbian plot foiled, sobbed into a pillow. "I...thought...she'd...let...me....waaaaaaaahhh!!!"

Meanwhile, back at the lounge room, MGAW and Mario, my newest (and first!) yaoi couple, made out, Mario complaining constantly of the paper cuts MGAW put all over his face. Peach, Mario's former girlfriend, watched them, her lips pursed and eyes emotionless. Standing beside her, Jean wore the exact same expression on her tanned face.

"He is a liar. A filthy fucking liar," Peach informed the Russian woman next to her. 

Jean nodded in silent agreement, wishing she could burn up the paper figure of MGAW along w/ his fat Italian boyfriend. The two betrayed young women agreed wordlessly that guys sucked. Except for Roy, of course.

The next day, for the first time in the four days they'd stayed there, every single one of the Smashers grabbed a seat at the breakfast table, TOGETHER. Yup, first time. *no one knows what to say* 

Captain Falcon began the conversation. "So, what do you guys think of swimming? I noticed a lake after you all drowned me in it, so maybe we could go swimming?" *everyone looks at the idiot, bruised from being punched at least five hundred times yesterday, and found that, for a refreshing change, he was right* Pichu immediately nodded and tore out of the door. *the rest of the smashers go to get their swimsuits on*

Once outside, everyone realized that no one had seen anyone even partially nekkid, except for maybe five people. *the Smashers each get really embarrassed in their bikinis and shorts* 

Captain Falcon proudly strutted out, wearing the tiniest bit of material he could find. Zelda and Samus each felt the strong urge to drown him again, but resisted and instead stared at the hottie known as Roy. 

The auburn haired teen stood there, his hands deep in his pockets, eyes on the ground, and the hickies all over him still as red as ever. 

"Damn, your skinny!" a voice said from behind him. Marth towered behind the hottie, blocking the sun from Roy's back. "Is it from all of those dancing lessons you took w/ Lin?" 

Roy resented that. Only when he was high would he dance w/ her. "You are, too! And Lili-Chan said that type of dancing didn't make you skinny!"

"Anata ko-rudo, you called?" someone feminine wondered loudly from behind Roy, her voice heavy w/ a Japanese accent. 

Roy turned and sprinted at the blue-haired girl to whom the voice belonged. "Lili-Chan!" The two teens shared a hug and a light peck on the lips. Zelda, even though she knew this "Lili-Chan" was only a friend, became insanely jealous. "You speak English now?"

"Barely. It hard, I know just little," Lin-Chan answered, picking each word w/ meticulous but confused precision. "I not know where you or Marusu go, get worried, but not anymore, right?"

"Kesshite," Roy answered, grinning widely at her. "Except, don't-"

The blue-haired girl slid past him and darted to Marth. "Marusu! Akachan watashi wa anata misudo!!" Li-Chan yelled at Marth, landing a fat kiss on his smooth, emotionless mouth and hugging him in a more sexual way than she'd hugged Roy. *everyone who can speak Japanese tries not to roll on the ground and laugh at Marth's reddening face and what Lili had said to him ("Mars! Baby I missed you!"), but they all fail miserably, especially Roy*

"So, you _did_?" Roy asked from the ground. 

Lin knelt next to the Bishounen and leaned very close to him. "Yeah. We do like five times," she whispered in his ear, giggling along w/ him. "Marude bishounen!" 

Roy rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Sure. I personally don't think so."

"Anata kyu-to imamotte, datte dake miuchi," Lin-Chan snickered jokingly to him, making him chortle even more.

"Dake miuchi," Roy repeated, knowing she was only fooling about what she'd said: "You still cuter, but just friends."

"Ugh I wish I could speak Japanese!" Zelda said resentfully. "Then I'd know what they were talking about!"

"Why do you care? Obviously, this 'Li-Chan' is only Roy's friend and nothing more, and Marth's sex slave," Peach pointed out, glaring at MGAW in his non-2d swim shorts. 

"SO?!?!? I didn't even think Roy had any friends that were female! And to think what that tiny peck of a kiss meant..." Zelda feared the worst and hoped she hadn't lost her emaciated bishie. 

"Listen, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you CARED!" Peach stomped on MGAW's foot as he passed, making him yell in pain. 

"I just hope she's more interested in Marth. He seriously needs a girlfriend."

All of the smashers stopped w/ their petty problems and dove into the water. Ten minutes later, DK hopped out of the lake on one foot. 

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" he roared, pointing at a huge shard of glass that somehow became lodged in his foot. "GLASS CUT, GLASS HURT!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

"I can fix that," Jean told him, getting out of the water in her not-even-a-bathing-suit-but-it-will-do shorts and white tank top. Leaning over his foot, she told him to close his eyes and count to three, then she would pull it out. 

"Okay, one.....two..." Jean ripped out the shard but DK continued to count. "Three... do it! Do it!!"

Holding up the broken beer bottle, Jean smirked, only a little, but then masked that tinge of emotion w/ her ever-constant tightened lips and cloudy eyes. DK saw her grin that little bit and thanked her graciously, noting how beautiful she could be if she would only smile more. If only he knew...

Five more minutes later, Crazy Hand commanded them to get out.

"You're behind on your fights! We must hasten!" The group of sopping children, women, men, two large hands, and a bunch of creatures walked/trotted/drifted/stomped up the hill, through a lot of goose shit, past some shops, and finally into the arena of stages.

"Okay, the first team battle is Zelda and Roy against Marth and Young Link! The battle begins in fifteen minutes!" Master Hand declared, letting everyone get prepared.

Roy and Marth jogged back to their dorm. Jumping inside, Roy grabbed his clothes that he'd just thrown about.

"This rocks! I can't believe they put me w/ Zelda!" Roy grinned widely as he perfectly positioned his adorable yellow and blue headband underneath his wet, nearly brown hair.

"This SUCKS! They had to put me w/ that stupid little brat! Ughh, I HATE THIS!!" Marth put his sword in its sheath and traipsed out, Roy neglecting to even bring his sword's casing.

"I'm gonna kick your ass!" Roy said overconfidently, punching Marth as hard as he could in the arm. Smirking, Marth pummeled the redhead back, knocking the younger teen down. 

"Don't be so sure..." Marth laughed, helping his redheaded comrade back to his feet. 

Zelda danced around her dorm w/ Sheik. "Oh, this so kicks ASS! I've got Roy on my team! YAY!!"

"Yes, your team will most likely win, seeing as how the opposing team probably won't even be able to cooperate," Sheik told her, making Zel let go of her bandaged hands. 

Slipping on her Triforce earrings, Zel skipped out, Sheik following closely.

Along Marth and Roy's journey back to the stage arena, the two Bishounen met up w/ Y'Link. Roy immediately grabbed his opponents in separate hands, keeping them from tearing each other apart. After that, Roy carried Y'Link on his tiny but strong shoulders and kept the tip of his sword to Marth's throat, daring him to make a move to hurt Y'Link, who Roy threatened by pretending to trip every time the kid tried something. 

Finally, the redhead and his two feuding challengers pushed open the door that led to the Hyrule Temple stage. His fellow smashers giggled at the funny sight, and Roy let Y'Link down and took his sword off of Marth's neck. 

"Hey! Roy and Marusu!" Li-Chan hollered to them. They stepped over everyone's feet to get down to the blue haired teen. Upon their arrival, she pulled Marth into her arms and kissed him, practically choking him w/ her tongue. In addition to learning the English language, Li also learned how to kiss. "Break leg out there!" Marth nodded and rushed off to the stage, praying that no one had seen her all but making out w/ him. "I be cheering for you, Marusu!" Roy snickered at his friends, both w/ azure hair. "Oh, wait. You fight, too, be jealous! Arg, I not know who I cheer for! Ah, maybe I just cheer for adorable little Elf kid. What his name?"

"Young Link. I think you should cheer for Zelda..." Roy's eyes glazed over, but he broke out his trance when Lin-Chan spoke again.

"You like Zelda! I know, it is look in your eyes... Tell me just this: who Zelda?" 

Roy shrugged. "Young Link's acquaintance somehow, and the princess of a place called Hyrule."

"Ah. Well, I wish you best luck out there! I cheer Zelda for you." Lili-Chan hugged Roy goodbye and dug out the popcorn as she settled in, watching the jugglers taking over the stage.

As the jugglers dispersed, Zel and Roy stood next to each other, conversing quietly about their fighting strategy, Roy attempting to curve the discussion into the route of "Could I take you out for coffee sometime?" and Zelda wishing she could just tear all of his clothes off and take him right then and there.

Fearing her over-hornyness would affect the battle, Zel cold-shouldered Roy and his subtle hints about taking her out to coffee. "We should, uh, not... talk, or, uh, we might miss something that one of the hands might say, or uh, something," Zel stuttered to him, keeping her reddened, horny face turned away from him, fearing she would do something to him if she turned back around.

"Yeah..." Roy strolled to his place over by the offering table, his hopes injured but not crushed. He cussed at himself for being so STUPID around girls, even more (if that was possible...) stupid around the fine female sex than his father, Eliwood. Of course, Eliwood had to have gotten lucky w/ someone, he had NO idea who the hell his mother might be, at least once for his hot self to be standing where he currently was. Thinking about the very subject of sex made Roy's head hurt, especially when it came to his not-very-woman-savvy dad. Roy was too young to care about it, yet too old to avoid it, b/c it lurks around **EVERY** corner.

Sighing, Zelda rolled her shoulders and set the feelings and thoughts about Roy on the back burner and the fight at hand on the main one. 

The announcer, a somewhat cute blond-haired guy in loose surfer clothes, declared, "Ok, in, like, five minutes the, like, fight will like start! Ok, like, everyone like turn off all your like cell phones, aight?" The entire crowd wasn't just the other smashers, but all of the trophy subjects, friends of the smashers, many, many Pokemon, clones, and whoever the hell else I felt like putting in there so shut up, which meant it was HUGE.

Marth and Y'Link argued relentlessly throughout that five minute period, which drove Zel and Roy mad. Finally the fight started, and Marth and Y'Link were too busy bitching at each other to notice so Zel and Roy just threw them off the cliff and they were too busy bitching at each other in the air whilst falling to notice they were falling so they died. Battle over. 

"Ok, like, the winner is the redheaded kid's team. Ok, like, the next battle is in like fifteen more minutes so like go get yourself some more popcorn, only like $4.50 over at the like concession stand," the announcer told the gigantic crowd, using the word "like" an agitating amount of times. 

*fifteen minutes later, Marth, MewTwo, the French, orange-shirted clone of Fox, and regular non-clone, non-French Fox all stood, waiting in Mushroom Kingdom II, Dr. Mario's 'Fever' theme playing in the background, time endless (yup. Endless.)*

The battle started, and around ten Pokeballs fell out of the sky. The French Fox got the most, and normal Fox kicked his ass the most simply b/c he was a French hog. 

"**HEY!!! THAT'S MY POKEBALL!! YOU DUMB $!@#!!**" Fox screamed as Frenchie picked up the twentieth Pokeball in a row. Yup. All that came out seemed to be Pokeballs. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! No, I had it virst!" Frenchie hurled the Pokeball at the ground and out popped... who else but Mew!!

*the entire battle seems to freeze, Fox in midair, his foot aimed at Frenchie's ass, Marth falling ass over teakettle into the abyss, Frenchie, unknowing of the foot about do be driven up his asshole, grabbing yet another Pokeball, and MewTwo stunned at the arrival of the woman who set him straight*

"Mew!! Uh, hi, uh.. long time no see, eh?" MewTwo stammered, staring in utter disbelief at Mew.

"Yeah, I guess I didn't know you were here... or I would've come and visited you... oh baby you know I would've!" Mew drifted down to him. "Maybe.. you could stop by my place later, huh?" 

"I would, but I don't you're staying," MewTwo answered truthfully, resisting the strong urge to make out w/ the beautiful Pokemon.

"You know that little house just outside of the stage arena? That's where all of the Pokemon that come out of Pokeballs stay. I'm in room 15B, it's on the second floor. I'll make sure I send Chansey off for us, hmm?" Mew tickled MewTwo's chin, then floated off, sending him a mental message: "I'll be waiting..."

"What-" Marth started to ask.

"Shut up!" MewTwo tossed Marth up w/ his mental powers, acting as though Mew had never appeared.

Later that night, MewTwo knocked on the door leading to Crazy Hand's office. 

"What?" the hand snapped, floating out w/ glasses on his knuckles. 

"Um, do you know where I could find a flower shop?" MewTwo wondered, trying to sound casual.

Crazy Hand grumbled something and pointed out a window to a row of shops. "Don't bother me again!" W/ that, the hand slammed the door. 

MewTwo glided over to where he'd pointed and bought the best-smelling twelve roses in the shop and then went to Mew's place. At the door, Chansey flounced off, giving him a dirty look. Ignoring the pink egg-throwing bitch Pokemon, MewTwo tapped at the door.

"Just a second! I've got to take my birth control pill... Ok MewTwo, come on in..." Mew told him. He burst in the door to a tumbledown shack: pizza boxes, old socks, dirty plates, and used condoms were scattered everywhere.

"What the hell happened here?" MewTwo wondered.

"It's Chansey! I HATE having her for a roommate, she always has a different Pokemon in here; last night it was Venusaur! And on top of that she won't clean up her half of the room! I'm only in her slummy part b/c I needed to find my birth control pills that she stole and ate half of them b/c she thought they were-" Mew ranted.

MewTwo kissed her, making her stop her tirade. "Now, I want to see _your_ part.." he said hornyly (is that a word? if it's not, oh well. and the spellchecker says it's not...). The smaller psychic Pokemon grabbed his hand/paw and led him through a door and into a neatly organized room w/ a red carpet, crimson walls, and even furniture and a ceiling that color. 

"Do you like it? I painted it myself... w/o my mental powers.." Mew asked him, rubbing his back w/ her tail. 

"It's beautiful," MewTwo complimented her as he lightly kissed her neck. 

"Great," Mew giggled, mentally pushing him down on the bed.

Ness flipped through the channels on the TV. "Wheel of Fortune, CNN, Tennis, Winsor-Pilates... hey! I've got to try that, my thighs are SO huge!!" Ness called the number on the bottom of the screen and ordered himself the make-your-body-really-fricken-stretchy video. Then, he stayed and waited for MewTwo to come back. "Hmmmm, he must've gotten lost on the way to Mew's house. I wonder if he already found her and she's just torturing him to make him stay... no, she seems too nice to do that..." Ness held a conversation w/ himself, and then there was a knock on the door. Jumping up from his easy chair, he yelled "Come in!"

The door smashed open and there stood Roy, looking very hot in nothing but his boxers. "Can I stay here tonight? Marth is...uh, busy," Roy told the psychic boy. 

"Sure!! I have marshmallows; we can roast them w/ our fire powers! YAY!" Ness pulled the Bishounen inside and grabbed the package of marshmallows, gram crackers, and five Hershey candy bars out from under MewTwo's bed. "Let's make S'Mores!"

"Ok, I think I brought my sword..." *five minutes later, Roy and Ness sit around Roy's flaming sword, using MewTwo's toothbrush and a beam sword as sticks to toast the balls of fluff*

"This is fun! I'm happy Marth was busy so I'd have someone to help me eat MewTwo's super secret stash of stuff he thought I never knew about but I did cuz I'm smart!" Ness ate the tenth S'More in a row and fell off of the laundry basket he'd been sitting on. "Ohhh man... major stomach ache...."

Roy finished off his own tenth S'More and dropped next to the black-haired preteen. They both rolled around in pain, Roy winking in his super-cute way and Ness's eyes squinted like Chinese eyes. Another knock at the door and Ness asked who it was.

"Y'Link... have you seen Nana around? I've got to talk to her.."

"Yeah. She went w/ her brother and that blue fox to some place they called the milk bar. It's by the Pokemon house," Ness answered, pushing away the marshmallow package to create more room to roll helplessly.

Gleefully Y'Link skipped to the milk bar, hoping he would find Nana there. Sure enough, Nana brooded at a table in a dark corner as Popo and Krystal chatted quietly at the bar. "Hey, Popo, what's going down?" Y'Link clapped the unsuspecting ice climber on the back.

"Nothing. Listen, if you know anything, you'll leave Nana alone. She's being a bitch," Popo informed the blond elf quietly.

"Ok, I guess. Why?"

"I don't know. Girls can be like that sometimes. They're SO sentimental." Popo mumbled something along the lines of "girls are dumb," but w/ harsher, lewder, more boyish words. *above his head, two fairies, one blue and the other yellow, happen to overhear his words about girls not being the supreme beings on this earth and float down to chew him out*

"Oh yeah? Well, guys aren't so great, either!" Navy, the blue one, yelled. "I had to point out everything that was SO obvious to Link! 'Look! There's bars on that door!' Jeez!"

"No! You just said that so you could run your fat piehole and annoy the HELL out of me!" Y'Link objected.

"Wait.... If it weren't for girls, no one would ever be here. EVER!! So, therefore, you worthless men should feel more than honored to even be in the presence of such divine beings!" Tatl informed them.

Popo and Y'Link's eyes widened as Krystal and Nana grinned their agreement. "You fairies present a good argument, but GUYS are better!!" Popo told them.

"What makes them better? I'll tell you what: NOTHING!!! They are lewd, crude, cheating, stealing, rotten, arrogant assholes who have already had their chance to rule the world!! Now it's the girls' turn!!!" Tatl screamed, enraged.

"Tatl, sweets, don't get so emotional! The only reason we came here was to eavesdrop! Let those males think they are better, even though they only use one side of their brain to think, can get away w/ stuff MUCH easier, don't have to suffer through periods but make uneducated jokes about them anyways, and they aren't expected to squeeze out kids and then smile about society as we are forced to wear kids' sizes in order to be accepted in the eyes of shallow men!!" Navy screeched, evil eyeing Popo and Y'Link.

"Gee, I....never thought of it like that..." Y'Link admitted, eyes averted. Popo rethought all of her words and realized she was right. 

"You're right. Girls are better..." Popo confessed, watching a bug crawling across the floor and wishing he could join it. 

In the corner, Nana smiled. "Thanks, Navy, Tatl. You didn't need to, though."

"Oh, sweets, we did," Navy told the black-haired adolescent. "Thank us later." The two fairies floated off.

Nana immediately flew to Y'Link and hugged him. "Thanks for thinking." To Y'Link's surprise, Nana pulled him out of the milk bar and, once she was out of the sight of her brother, kissed him over and over, the mosquitoes biting both of them and making Y'Link REALLY want to itch his ass but he couldn't b/c he was too stunned to do anything plus Nana would think that her tongue in his mouth was boring and would give him the desire to itch a mosquito bite that happened to be on his ass.

The next morning, half of the smashers had gotten at least a little bit lucky the night before. They all vegetated around the breakfast table, Crazy Hand and his fellow hand typing agitatedly on normal-sized laptops. For some reason, the hands' uptightness made everyone else the same way. Outside, rain beat down on the ground and washed away dirt as lightning struck and thunder smashed in the distance, meaning that there would be no battles that day.

No one dared to speak, should one of the hands w/ reading glasses on their knuckles chew them out for making noise, so they quietly munched on their scrambled eggs and Cocoa Puffs. After a nice meal, the smashers all stumbled back to their dorms.

Daisy sighed to her roommate, Old Malon. "Today really sucks. I can't kick my sister's ass and that makes me angry!"

Malon nodded and cooed into the phone receiver she had held up to her cheek, "Please! Pick up the phone!"

"You can forget about ever talking to Samus again. You really blew it w/ her."

Tears clouded Malon's eyes as she dropped the phone. "You're right! I should've told her about my feelings for her! Oh, I feel so terrible!" Malon leaped into Daisy's arms and cried.

"That's IT! I can't stay friends w/ you! Oh, why do you like ME?!?!? There are other attractive men out there!!" Ganondorf yelled at Bowser, who'd decided to drop by w/ some flowers from the flower shop. 

"I can't help my feelings... Just take these flowers and I'll never bother you again," Bowser pleaded, his eyes filling w/ tears. 

"Oh, fine!" Gannondorf snatched the flowers and slammed his door, leaving the huge turtle in the hallway, all alone. 

"WAHHHHHHHHH!!" Bowser howled, going back to his dorm that he shared w/ DK. 

"What the fuck happened to my toothbrush and the beam sword I stole?!?!?!?!" MewTwo wondered angrily, glowering at his fellow psychic roommate Ness. 

"Well, last night Roy came over b/c he said Marth was busy so we roasted marshmallows on his sword and those were the only sticks we found to stick them on," Ness explained. 

MewTwo scowled. "Don't do it again."

Fox chatted quietly w/ his roommate Falco. "So. What is YOUR favorite kind of cheese?"

"Mmmm, definitely cheddar. It is simple and it tastes absolutely marvelous!" Falco answered, wishing desperately for around ten pounds of cheddar cheese. "Hey! How about we go get some cheese and eat it!"

"Dude! That's a fucking great idea!"

And so, the fox and bird went off to Master Hand's office for permission to go to a cheese shop. 

"I don't care where you go as long as you don't bother me! I have work to do! Now shoo!" Master Hand barked. The two woodland creatures shrugged and continued on their way to the cheese shop, through the pouring rain and thunder. Finally they slipped into the shop.

"Ok, like, whatever. I totally thought about it, but, like, that thing was like really uncool. So like, would you like buy some cheese or, like, go to Hell?" the clerk, a tiny brown-haired Japanese woman, was telling someone. 

Fox pushed the door opened and then closed it again to make sure the bell attached to it rang. "Uh, hello? We're customers!"

"Oh, yeah, like what kind of like cheese do you like want? We have like American cheese and like some other stuff I like can't pronounce."

"Do you have cheddar?" Falco asked, agitated.

"No, that's like in the like other like cheese shop like two shops like down." 

Five minutes later, they stood in the other cheese shop. Captain Falcon had also had a craving for cheddar, so he bought it all. 

"**HEY YOU SON OF A BITCH!! WE WANT SOME, TOO!**" Fox and Falco yelled, going to kick the idiot's ass.

"No! I bought it w/ my- owwww!!!" Captain Falcon ran smack dab into Link, and he too wanted some cheese. 

"**FORK IT OVER!**" Fox, Falco, and Link commanded.

The idiot got up and ran five more feet before slamming into Bowser, another cheese craver.

"**IT'S OURS!**" Fox, Falco, Link, and Bowser told him.

Captain Falcon kept on going, but got struck by lightning and died. The cheese-hunters all celebrated and took a chunk of the delicious cheddar before running and slipping back to their dorms. 

**************************************************

OK. I know what you are thinking. (_is she a nutbag? Who's Eliwood and Lili-chan? And Ayumi Hamasaki and-_)

Yes. Eliwood _is_ Roy's dad, from FE7. Roy is the **_splitting fucking image_** of him, which isn't only weird, it's CREEPY!!!!!! Lili-chan is from the same FE game as Roy. Her name is really Lilina, and she is probably the only girl that Roy doesn't act insanely dumb around b/c they are good friends, hence the "chan" suffix. Ayumi Hamasaki is a very famous J-Pop singer from Japan. I know enough Japanese to comprehend what she is singing about, a lot of the time it's about love, or ai.

I've also been playing Starfox adventures a lot, in addition to scoping out the Fire Emblem scene on the Japanese Nintendo site, and, is it just me, or is Krystal speaking a **DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?!?!?! **WTF? It's still a pretty awesome language, and Fox has a crush! Quote, right out of Fox's mouth: _"Wow, she's beautiful." _-.- and she is. Krystal, though somewhat lacking in clothes (heh, A LOT lacking in clothes) is very pretty. For a fox/cat/whatever. Now, next chappy I have no idea what to write about!! Dammit brain cramps really suck some serious ass. *goes off to listen to Hikki, Evanescence, and Ayu*


	10. Disturbingness stuffs: the jackass sings

Note: I _do_ plan on putting at least one lesbian couple in here. I've dropped subtle hints about who they will be, but to me they seem kind of obvious. Is that b/c I know who they are going to be?? Ah well. But, just so everyone knows, **THERE _WILL_ BE A FREAKIN' LESBIAN COUPLE**. I mean, I know lesbians. (some people would probably think that _I_ am a lesbian, but heh, NO. There've been... _things_.... in the past, but I'm ALL straight. Straight as a snake in Antarctica) Just making note of that.

*on with story*

Everyone sat around the dinner table, munching on Tombstone pizza. Each one of them was wasted. Nana sat beside Y'Link, her left hand in his right and curled under the table, and a piece of pizza in her own right hand. Beside her, Jigg gobbled everything in sight, from the Doritos chips to the Coca-Cola. Kirby was at her side, nervously glancing here and there. Next to him Daisy flirted w/ DK, and next to DK Sheik tried to eat w/o taking her head wrap off. It was impossible.

Sheik, not wanting anyone to see her lips, (they were chapped and gross; would you want someone to see _your_ chapped and gross lips?) ducked under the table w/ her piece of pizza. There was some _weird_ shit going on down there. The teen in a head wrap looked around, and saw some disturbingness kind of stuffs. Nana and Y'Link were HOLDING HANDS (Sheik thought: WTF!!??), Marth squeezed LiLina's inner thigh like crazy as he got closer and closer to her...place, Zelda and Peach played footsy, Pichu was _sleeping _under there, MewTwo looked like he was dropping lots of food on the floor, Pikachu was eating all the food that he dropped, and the FE6 whore seemed to be trying to violate Roy.

__

I can't watch this. It's too... ugh, Sheik thought, trying not to watch Marth's creeping hand. She pulled the upper part of her head wrap over her eyes as she pulled the part over her mouth down and pushed in the delicious pizza. _Mmmmm... man this "pizza" is good. I wonder why it never caught on in Hyrule? Mario sure likes it._

When finished w/ her pizza, Sheik covered her mouth again and went back to sitting in her seat. Above the table, even weirder shit was happening than _below_ the table.

The very smashed smashers smashed smashed potato chips in each other's faces, as Ness and Popo played Frisbee w/ the cardboard circle from the pizza packaging.

"Hey! You stupid idiots! Stop throwing that around or you're gonna cut somebody's head off!" MewTwo commanded them, ducking out of the way of the dangerous cardboard shape. 

Ness and Popo stopped, but only to laugh at and make fun of the psychic Pokemon. Meanwhile, Zel and Peach appeared to be dancing closer and closer to each other as Ayumi Hamasaki's "Evolution" played somewhere off in the distance, and everyone else was _seriously_ making fun of MewTwo by avoiding the pizza circle in slow-mo Matrix style as it zoomed past them. Then they fell over and MewTwo got the last laugh. Ha ha.

After a nearly fatal encounter w/ a cardboard circle, the smashed smashers that had smashed smashed potato chips in each other's faces merely five minutes ago all sat in a circle on the main lounge room floor, Indian style. That was hard to do for the "unflexibles," Ganny, Bowser, Wario, Mario, Luigi, Dr. Mario, and MGAW. 

The two hands had ditched their laptops, hopefully by way of towering cliff and crushing ocean, along w/ the knuckle reading glasses and uptight attitudes. It was drunken karaoke night at the Smash Bros. mansion! YAY!

Crazy Hand said some stuff, but all everyone heard was, "Blabby bloobly blahblahblah! Blah, blahblah! Let's blah for blahblah hanwhitck schoony blah."

"WEEEEEEEEEE!! Ok to whatever you said!" Daisy said.

So everyone took a field trip to the Milk Bar, Y'Link's favorite place to hang w/ his bitch, where it was decked out in funky seventies styling and eighties posters (**YEAH GO MY LITTLE PONIES!!!! WOOO-HOOOO!!!**), which ~kinda~ clashed. But the posters were still MLP ones so that is happy. :)

Everyone went up to the music-choosing thingie and pushed a buncha buttons then sat down, several falling over. The first drunken person up was, who would've guessed it, Lili-Chan! It was like that was the last time Marth would ever get to rub her tiny thigh, the way he watched her get up on the stage, teetering b/c of a mild drunken mood and high heels. 

"Please be Japanese song; I no good w/ English songs," she pleaded, a drunken slur interfering w/ her already heavy accent.

"Ok, how about Ayumi Hamasaki's 'Surreal?'" Master Hand suggested.

"Sure! I hear that song before. It cool, make sense, w/ nice tune," Lilina agreed, and Master Hand gave her a piece of paper w/ the lyrics to the song printed in Japanese. Two minutes later she stumbled back onstage, a nervous smile on her face.

The music started, and Lilina knew that the song was fast, but she was the fast-talking Japanese bitch, like Marth was the fast talking Japanese bastard and Roy was the "poor kid going through puberty" Japanese hottie. Her main concern was knowing when to say what and how to say it. The words would soon start:

__

Suki na MONO dake wo erandeku no ga

musekinin datte WAKE ja nai

Suki na MONO sae mo mitsukerarezu ni

sekinin nante toriyou mo nai

Seou kakugo no bun dake kanousei wo te ni shiteru

Iranai MONO nara sono doujoushin

marude yake ni mo tatanai ne

Daiji na MONO nara soko ni kanarazu

itami tomonau hazu da yo ne

Hitoribotchi de kanjiru kodoku yori

Futari de itemo kanjiru kodoku no hou ga

Tsurai koto no you ni

She continued to sing as all the people who couldn't speak Japanese wondered what the hell she was saying. Finally the awesome song was finished (you'd have to hear it to know what I mean- it's really cool), and the next one up was MGAW. Hmm. 

Once on the stage, he fell off the stage. That was useless. Next up was Captain Falcon. Master Hand made sure he picked out a really gay song for the stupid idiot. The gayest song I know: Britney Spear's "Baby One More Time." Heh heh, let's see him sing to that: :)

  
_Oh baby, baby  
Oh baby, baby Oh baby, baby  
How was I supposed to know  
That something wasn't right here  
Oh baby baby  
I shouldn't have let you go  
And now you're out of sight, yeah  
Show me, how you want it to be  
Tell me baby  
'Cause I need to know now what we've got  
  
My loneliness is killing me  
I must confess, I still believe  
When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
Give me a sign  
Hit me baby one more time  
_

The idiot finished off the song w/ over-exaggerated hip movements and heavy shaking of tits he didn't have. Heh heh heh. Alcohol and karaoke DO NOT MIX. Unless it's meant to be funny. Heh.

Jigg got called up next, and she was acting sTrAnGe. "JIGG! JIGG! JIGG!" the crowd chanted encouragingly. The puffball readjusted the microphone down to practically the floor, and Crazy Hand handed her the lyrics to Tatu's "All The Things She Said," and shoved her backstage. Mere minutes later, she trudged out. The song started:

__

All the things she said, 

All the things she said,

Running through my head,

Running through my head,

RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD,

All the things she said, 

All the things she said,

Running through my head,

Running through my head,

ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID,

THIS IS NOT ENOUGH

I'm in serious shit,

I feel totally lost,

If I'm asking for help,

It's only because,

Being with you

Has opened my eyes,

I would never believe,

Such a perfect surprise,

I keep asking myself,

Wondering how,

I keep closing my closing my eyes

But I can't figure out,

Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me?

Nobody else, so we can be free

And Jigg continued through the rest of the song. Everyone chanted "JIGG! JIGG! JIGG!" as they carried her back to her stool. The pink puffball immediately jumped off the stool and darted faster than lightning to the ladies' room, her hand over her mouth. *everyone watches, confused, until she comes back w/ tears dribbling down her cheeks*

Nana approached her Pokemon friend. "Jigglypuff, is there anything you'd like to tell me?"

"Well," Jigg started, but saw that Nana was holding Y'Link's hand and abruptly stopped. "NO! I'm gonna talk to someone who has something on her mind besides sex!" Jigg looked around, and spotted Kameline. 

The puffball trotted up to her. "Hi Miss Kameline, ma'am. Can I talk to you?"

Kameline turned. "Sure, uh, what's your name?"

"Jigglypuff." 

The blond-haired woman known loosely as "Kammie" tilted her head. "Jigglypuff. Y'know, it kind of has a slight ring to it. What is it you wish to question me about?"

Jigg hesitated. "Uh, have you ever uh, you know..." Jigg made a certain hand gesture that Kammie would recognize as sexual.

The blond woman laughed heartily. "Of course. but it doesn't make me a bad person, does it? Unless, maybe, you're a nun incognito."

Chuckling lightly, Jigg scratched the back of her head. "No... I was just wondering. You're smart, right?"

Kammie thought about that. "I am told by many that I am. However, the beholder, not the giver, measures intelligence."

Grinning widely, Jigg grabbed Kammie's hand and led her to the empty girl's lounge room. The puffball sat down on one of Princess Peach's too-decked-out couches, and gestured for Kammie to do the same. "I have this problem.. you see, a few nights ago Kirby and I we, we..." Jigg started breaking. She couldn't handle it.

Kammie finished Jigg's sentence. "You consummated?"

"Uh, yeah..." Jigg scratched her head again. 

"I see nothing wrong w/ that." Kammie leaned back on the plushy couch and yawned. 

"But, Kameline ma'am, there IS something wrong! And it's all my fault! I'm, I'm.... p-p-p.."

"Pregnant?" Kammie asked, eying Jigg.

Tears spilled down Jigg's cheeks. "WAAAH! MY LIFE IS RUINED!!! HOW WILL I SURVIVE?!!?!" Kammie consoled the puffball.

"Don't worry about. I've delivered my share of kids as a whore's slave. You'll be fine w/ a few painkillers and knife. 

"Are you suggesting SUICIDE?!?!?!" Jigg wanted to know.

"Heavens, no, child! When your child comes, count on me. And until then, count on me."

Back at the party, everyone had had their turn to get made fun of so they just sat at their stools and fell off constantly.

Master Hand and Crazy Hand had to hold their breath to keep from laughing. "Uh, that was...*snort* fun, eh?" Master Hand asked the smashers. They nodded, also snorting from held breath. "Now, get all your asses back to your dorms or the lounge rooms. Whatever, I really don't care." *the hands float off*

*five hours later*

*ring ring* "*snore**grunt* What the hell?" *picks up phone* "WHAAAAAAAAAT?"

"Squirtle, Squirtle, Squirt Squirt!! Squirt!! Squirtle?"

"*O_o* Huh?"

"Put Pikachu on the phone, dumbass."

*wakes up Pikachu*

"Five more minutes mommy...."

"Urg, get up!!" *Gannondorf lifts Pikachu up by the tail* 

"OK! I'm up, what more do you want?!?!?"

"Your friend's on the phone."

*Pikachu takes phone* "Pika? Pikachu Pi Pi Pika? Pikachu Pi!! Pi Pi Pika!"

"What'd he want?"

"No time for talk! I must hasten!" *Pikachu grabs his Harry Potter hat from the hat rack and runs out the door*

Five minutes later, Pikachu ran up to Squirtle, who was smoking a big fat joint behind the Swedish cheese shop.

"I got here as fast as I could!" Pikachu panted.

"Good. Now, we need to get six kilos from the Chinese cheese shop, and fast, yo. Chikorita's got my ass, aight?" Squirtle pulled out a walkie-talkie and talked to someone one the other end. "Yo got my ass, right baby?" Chikorita answered back.

"Beau ya know it!"

"Aight. Now if the bitch we gonna rob fights back, yo we got dis:" *Squirtle pulls out a 30-.06 and a Wolfram P2K* Tossing Pikachu the P2K, he added, "Be prepared to use it. yo."

Terrified, Pikachu held the gun in his mouth. _Shooting? Kilos? Robbing the CHEESE shop?!?!_ Squirtle had either lost his mind, or let his drug addiction go overboard. 

The terrified Pokemon followed the blue turtle into the darkness. The turtle stopped at a shadow, and out of it emerged a very sexily dressed Chikorita. 

"Yo, Pikachu. 'sup?" Noticing him staring at her get-up, glorified underwear, she turned and bent over. Pikachu fell over and shook very rapidly, then got up, put his Harry Potter hat back on, and continued to stare at Chikorita. "Yo, I been doin' some hoin' tonight. And now I'm gonna do some robbin', yo."

The three Pokemon gathered a few more drug-addicted thug Pokemon and continued to the front of the Chinese cheese shop. Venasaur used his fat ass to bust the window out, and the rest of the gang crawled in. Then they noticed a light on in the room in the back, so they all hid behind various things.

"Yo! Pikachu, stand yo' ground man!" Squirtle told him, holding up the 30-.06 and encouraging Pikachu to do the same. 

The yellow mouse gulped as he gripped the P2K tighter in his mouth and waited for whoever was in the room to come out and call the cops. The doorknob began to turn....

The door opened, ever so slowly, and a shaggy-haired redheaded teen's face peeked out. "Uh, hi, I... guess," she greeted them w/ a light Japanese accent. "Why are you pointing guns at me? You have five seconds to explain, starting.... now."

"We're robbing you! Now, give us all of you belongings!"

The teenager laughed. "PUH-LEESE. You can't take anything from here but cheese!" She turned around and whispered to someone in the room. The door flew open to reveal..... who else but Roy!

Pikachu dropped the gun. "Roy?!?!?!" 

Roy glanced at all of the Pokemon and looked at Pikachu. "What are you doing here?"

Suddenly Pikachu became angry. "What are _YOU_ doing _HERE_?"

Roy's eyes narrowed. "I asked first!"

Pikachu's cheeks began to spark. "URRGG....."

"Hey, before anyone gets hurt, let's work this all out. Now, yellow mouse, calm down," the teen started, but was interrupted when Pikachu shocked the whole room, knocking everyone out of their hiding places and the 2 teens across the room down, too.

Roy got up immediately and ran across the room to grab a fistful of Pikachu's fur, punt him out the broken shop window and across the field, and pick up the P2K to kick the rest of the stealing/prostitute/drug-addicted Pokemon out.

After taking charge of the cheese shop, he ran back to his friend. "You okay?"

"Duh. What the hell else would I be?" the girl answered as she accepted Roy's helping hand. 

"Good thing you're not hurt. Holy shit Pikachu's a dumbass.

"Usagioma," she agreed, giggling slightly, in Japanese.

"Ooini," Roy said back, as they went back into the room.

The next morning, the smashers all sat around the breakfast table, munching on toast and Honeycombs. Pikachu was still angry, Yoshi was loving all of the attention that Pink Yoshi was giving him, Gannondorf eyed Bowser from across the table to make sure that the idiot didn't glance at him, Jean, Anaxandra, Siobhan, Kammie, and Janine were barely adjusting to the odd food that they'd never had before, and Peach and Zelda kept exchanging glances that seemed to mean everything to them.

"Well. What a day," Master Hand sighed. "Today, we will be battling constantly, w/ just 5 minute breaks in between. I'll pass out the order of the battles at the end of breakfast."

At the end of breakfast, as promised, the Smashers all got pieces of paper w/ the battles they would be fighting printed on them.

As she got up from the breakfast table, Siobhan glanced over the fights that she would have to participate in. First up would be w/ Zelda, Link, and Gannondorf. Then would come Ness, Samus, and Fox. The rest of her battles that day were very similar.

Sighing contentedly, the blond-haired blue-eyed river elf trotted off to the stage arena, to Final Destination.

*five minutes later, Sibby(Siobhan), link, Gannondorf, and Zelda are at Final Destination, the audience roaring in thunderous applause, stars twinkling in the background, and the surfer dude announcer counting the reasons why the audience members should turn off their cell phones and such*

Link and Gannondorf evil eyed each other w/ growing contempt, as Zelda stared blankly at nothing in particular. Impatiently, Sibby yawned and stretched, always being careful not to chop off the tip of one of her pointed ears w/ her razor-sharp sword that her right hand clasped tightly. Finally, the surfer dude announced "Like, go, dudes and dudettes."

Almost immediately Link and Gannondorf smashed each other up good. Zelda almost casually walked past them like that sort of thing happened every day. And it did. Sibby's fellow blond-haired elf, who looked startlingly like herself, finally arrived. 

"Hi," Zelda greeted, right before knocking Sibby off of her feet. 

"Owwwww," Sibby, groaned. She jumped up and bashed Zelda's head in w/ her sword. _Take that, bitch!_ she thought bitterly.

The enraged Princess of Hyrule rolled behind Siobhan, and smash-moved her from behind. Landing near the powerhouse known as Gannondorf, she chopped at his ankles, deciding to take her sudden burst of anger at Zelda out on him. He turned and Sibby, suddenly terrified of him, realized how huge he was. He took her chin in one powerful hand that covered half of her impish face. He thrust his features close to her own, so close that she could smell the rancid air of his breath. She felt the color literally draining from her already pale skin and the oxygen on its way to her brain stop. Behind her, footsteps hurried to her rescue. 

"Leave her alone!" came Zelda's voice as her slight figure bitch-slapped Ganny, making him have to release her. 

Sibby, unused to the sudden rush of blood back to her head, fell against Zelda's bosom. "Sorry, and thank you."

"No problem. But, it _is_ a battle, Siobhan. Now, chin up. I have some ass to kick..."

At the exact same time, over at the battlefield, a sudden death match was going on. Bodies were flying everywhere, especially the figure of Gothic Kirby. Along w/ him, Gothic Link, Gothic Sheik, and Gothic Dr. Mario all flew everywhere. Yup. The battle of the Goths. Dr. Mario shot pills everywhere like a drug dealer, Kirby was trying not to be mistaken by everyone for a marshmallow, Link pulled out bombs and forgot he had them which blew everyone up like he was a suicide bomber, and Sheik threw needles endlessly in a vain attempt to "pop" Kirby.

Soon, the 10 minute sudden death match was over b/c there was only 18 seconds left anyway. The smashers were allowed a brief, very brief, 5 minute break. They all gathered in a lounge room, around a big table. Wario, Daisy, DK, the four above mentioned, and Y'Link were there.

"Is there any food around here?! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Wario wondered. 

*everyone looks at him* 

"There's coffee," Daisy suggested.

"Coffee. Oh well, it'll do." Wario got up and began to walk across the long room. By the time he got to the coffee maker, he was panting, his back and ankles hurt, he was red in the face, and his leg muscles were cramped. Relieved, he began to pour himself some coffee. 

The urge to sneeze rose passionately into his nose. Before he could stop it, he sneezed, spilling the hot liquid all over himself. "AY YAAAII YAI YAI YAAI!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wario stumbled around, but he finally tripped over a pile of dirty laundry that happened to be in the middle of the room. He landed squarely on a hoe, then, when he recovered, he stepped on a bob-omb about to explode which blasted him through a window where he landed next to a bed. As he mentally bitched about how he could've landed a meter to the right, he heard moaning coming from the bed. Then he mentally bitched about how he could've landed a meter to the right in a _different_ bedroom. Tentatively, he glanced up to see Mario and MGAW entwined in...._sex_?

Wario, disgusted, crawled across the floor and out the door. Once in fresh air, he promptly disemboweled himself. "GROSS!!!!!*puke**puke**barf**spit**wipe*"

He only walked about 3 meters before a bird crapped on his head, a rainstorm started, Link's boomerang smashed his nose in, and hailstones the size of baseballs started falling. Grunting, he ran to the mansion.

The bad weather had stopped all of the fights that had been going on. All of the smashers Wario discovered in the main lounge room, doing things like playing chess and giggling at jokes that weren't even funny. 

MewTwo and Ness were immersed in a game of chess, Fox, Falco, Marth, Roy, Link, Y'Link, Popo, and Gannondorf were in the corner beating Captain Falcon up, Jigg, Kirby, and Kammie sat huddled in the corner, in deep conversation, Jean and Anaxandra were writing the Russian alphabet on a chalkboard and unsuccessfully trying to teach the remainder of the female smashers how to speak Russian, and whoever wasn't playing chess, beating up Captain Falcon, clustering in a corner, or learning Russian, was in another corner taking drugs.

The next morning, at the breakfast table, all of the smashers were eating. DUH. What the hell else do you do at a breakfast table? .....Don't answer that....

The usual game of footsy was going on under the table between Zelda and Peach, as the rest focused on eating their breakfast sushi.

"I hate sushi!" DK complained. Roy and Marth glared at him, their eyes saying "this is what we have to eat every day!"

DK shut up and ate in silence, like everyone else. 

Master Hand got up and made an announcement. "Today, since the weather is still quite sour-" As he said that, a hailstone broke a window, all of the shards of glass cutting Captain Falcon, and allowed the rain to come in. "We've decide you need to see _more _new faces..."

**************************************************

Heh heh heh. Cliffhanger. Okay, the next chappy is, more than likely, going to be a lemon, most likely caused by playing Soul Caliber II and SSBM for six hours straight and then eating, and then thinking, "hey that guy has red hair like Roy, and he says 'makerarenai' like Roy, what if they met??" Yup. So they'll all sleep w/ each other and then the Soul Caliber pplz will leave and stuff. Yes. 

Anyway, no doubt people have wondered what Roy says in SSBM. Come on, I **KNOW** you have. He's freakin speaking JAPANESE PPL!!!

Anyway. I decided I would, meh, _translate_ what he says into English, for my own enjoyment. And now for _your own_ enjoyment, what Roy says (word of the wise, the written versions probably won't show up right.):

Roy says: "Oku umaku nai." 

Written: ゛置く旨く無い。゛

Walk it thru: Oku=to put, to place

Umaku=skillfully, well

Nai=doesn't have, lacks, dead

(the subject automatically becomes 'boku'=me, I, but it is only used by guys w/ a proper upbringing, or cocky guys. i.e. Roy)

Meaning: "I they don't have skill."

Roy says: "Mamoru dekimono no tame ni... makerarenai!"

Written: ゛守る出来物の為に負け羅列無い！゛

Walk it thru: mamoru= protect

dekimono= able man, and (LOL!)_PIMPLE_!!! AHAHAHA!!

no= possessive particle

tame= welfare, good, sake

ni= shows location/makes adjective/adverb/whatever

makerarenai= "I can't lose"

(this is a weird one, I didn't quite get it so a fiddled around w/ different sayings. Of course, the Japanese language is usually arranged subject, object, verb, whereas English is typically subject, verb, object.)

Meaning: "For the welfare of the people I protect... I can't lose!"

Roy says: "Kurushii tatakai datta."

Written: ゛苦しい戦いだった。゛

Walk it thru: Kurushii= painful, difficult

tatakai= fight, conflict, battle

datta= in this case, it clarifies the relationship between the other words.

(This one was SIM-PLE)

Meaning: "The fight was difficult."

Roy says: "Shin no tatakai wa... korekare da!" 

Written: ゛真の戦いわ。。。これかれだ！゛

Walk it thru: Shin= truth, true

no= shows possession

tatakai= fight, battle

wa= subject

korekare= begin, beginning

da= shows location

(This one is easy. Everything is already there that needs to be there. SIMPLE!)

Meaning: "The battle of truth... will start here!"

Ah. Now that you know what in bloody hell Roy is talking about, you can determine what ya think of him. I like him b/c he's cute. Maybe a bit.... _overconfident_, and yeah his voice is all fucked up, but yeah. 

Marth also speaks Japanese. Wanna know what he says?

Marth says: "Boku wa makeru wake-ni wa ikanainda!"

Written: ゛僕わ負ける訳にわいかないんだ！゛

Walk it thru: Boku= me, I used ONLY by guys (no acceptation!)

wa= subject

makeru= lose, get defeated (you can just _tell_ where this is going)

wake= meaning, reason, tie

ni= particle showing movement to

ikanainda= shows relationship between other words

(This one is kind of weird. Not only does Marth talk to fast for his own good, but he screws up the sentence worse that I would!)

Meaning: "There isn't a way I can lose!"

Marth says: "Konkai wa boku no kachi da ne?"

Written: ゛今回わ僕の勝ちだね？゛

Walk it thru: Konkai= this time, lately

wa= subject

boku= me, I WATASHI

no=possessive

kachi= win, victory

da= location

ne= makes sentence a question

(Another spoken-too-fast and fucked up sentence from our friend Marth. :P)

Meaning: "Doesn't it seem I'm the winner today?"

Marth says: "Kyou mo ikinokoru koto ga deki ta."

Written: ゛今回もわ僕の勝ちだね？゛

Walk it thru: Kyou= today

mo= links subject w/ verb

ikinokoro= to survive

koto= fact

ga= object particle

deki= smart, quality

ta= relationship between other words

(Screwy AGAIN. No surprise.)

Meaning: "Today, I have survived."

Marth says: "Minna, miteite kure!"

Written: ゛皆、みていて暮れ！゛

Walk it thru: Minna= everybody

miteite= look at 

kure= year

(How is 'year' even relevant?)

Meaning: "Everybody, look at me!"

*smirk**tries to hold breath*

**__**

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FREAKIN COW!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 

Okay, yes. I must go. Be careful of next chapter, I *******GUARANTEE******* that everyone (except the kids of course....) will get laid. No kidding. 

*slinks off into the night, cackling evilly*


	11. SC2 peepz cum in! WOOT WOOT!

Note: This chappy is full of even more swears, more explicit sexual content, and drug use than preceding chappies. It isn't my fault; it all started yesterday after playing Soul Caliber II for 5 hours w/ the language in Japanese (shinindorewa! 死人何れわ！), then eating, then playing SSBM w/ the language in Japanese, then watching Law and Order: SVU where Alex got shot and had to pretend she was dead b/c the murderer was angry at her b/c she said he killed his g/f b/c she said he was bad in bed, then listening to Ayumi Hamasaki until my ears rang, then waking up 30 minutes after I went to sleep to a pissed off dad, then going to school and insulting all of the little cookie-ruining seventh graders, then playing Soul Caliber II until I saw double and finally, eating rainbow-colored animal crackers. What does that have to do w/ anything?? You'll see. _Someone will do something for 5 hours, then they will eat rainbow-colored animal crackers and shoot someone b/c she insulted their sex skills?_

Maybe. Now, if ya don't like sex, drugs and swears, WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN READING THIS STORY? And if ya don't like sex w/ **ALL** the details, (or, as many as I'm brave enough to write... I'm sheepish...) get ya fragile ass outta here.

Now, on w/ story!!! =^_^=

The grumbled disgust at the breakfast sushi stopped abruptly. The smashers all dropped their chopsticks. Captain Falcon stopped whimpering over his useless arm. You could hear a microscopic parasite on Bowser's skin sneeze, the room was so quiet. 

"Yup. We've collaborated w/ some people from many miles away, who are also making a game. They agreed to let their fighters visit here for 2 days. And, since the weather is bad and most likely will stay bad, why not this day? They are all waiting in the closet."

Everyone wondered exactly how many people could fit in Master and Crazy Hand's closet. From the closet, muffled voices, cussing in both Japanese and English, rose louder and louder. 

"Uh, if we leave them in there any longer, won't they bust the door down?" Crazy Hand wondered. Agreeing, Master Hand turned the doorknob, miniscule to his huge fingers, unleashing a flood of people and creatures, both male and female, onto the floor.

The smashers all stood up so that they could see who was among those on the floor. 6 girls, all of which were scarcely dressed, and 16 guys, all w/ hair from hell, were regaining their composure. A brown-haired girl stood up first and turned towards the smashers. 

"Konnichi wa. Atashi wa Taki. Hello. I am Taki," she introduced herself in both Japanese and English, bowing respectfully. The smashers, most unaware of what to do, all bowed back. "...to, anata desu ka...? And, you would be...?"

Another girl got up. She looked similar to Impa, w/o the weird ears and with a British accent. "Taki, they _can_ speak English! Were is your mind?! I also wish to discuss an issue I had, in that bloody cramped closet. Your ass, as well as Talim's, was IN MY FACE! You two _could _wear PANTS once in a while?!?!" She held up another girl by one short black pigtail, a fragile Indian girl weighing obviously no more than 45 kilograms and sparsely dressed. 

"Cut it out, Ivy!" a guy w/ black hair approached her from behind and choked her, forcing her to drop the Indian girl. They got in a viscous fistfight, until the two hands subdued them.

"No fighting! Now, we'll lead all of you to the main lounge room so that you can get acquainted," Master Hand told them. W/ that, he led all of the smashers and their visitors to the main lounge room.

The visitors all looked around the room, in awe.

"We had to stay in a crack house!" a man w/ an afro complained. "That isn't fair!"

"Shut up, Mitsurigi. We are here now, we may as well enjoy it!" a guy in a lot of armor w/ a big sword said.

The smashers followed the visitors in. Link looked around for someone w/ which he might find common ground. To his shock and awe, across the room he saw himself staring at him. Y'Link had also caught a glimpse of the other Link, and had begun to approach the other equally shocked version of himself. 

They got there and just stared. Y'Link looked up at both of his older versions and, confused, scratched his head. The badass-looking visitor Link made no attempt to talk, so the SSBM Link started a conversation.

"So, uh, hi, I guess," Link started.

The visitor Link just stared more. A passing girl from SC2, Xianghua, muttered to Link, "He never says anything. I don't think he can speak English. Or Japanese. Or Chinese for that matter."

"Then he must speak HYLIAN!"

Link started a brand new conversation in his native language. Y'Link joined in. The visitor Link was immediately communicating w/ him, in fast Hylian. Xianghua wore a simply surprised look on her face. 

"Wow. You got him to talk!"

*meanwhile, across the room, Roy and Tamil, the Indian girl, have struck up a conversation*

They had a LOT in common: They were both 15 years old, they could both kick some serious ass, they were both skinny, they could both speak Japanese, the list just goes on and on.

"...I went on an alone quest, I was afraid. You see, I don't like fighting, especially w/ Ivy. She will rip me into pieces! I fear her, Roy. I fear her," Talim admitted as Roy listened intently to what she was saying.

"Why does Ivy not like you?" Roy asked, noticing that Talim's eyes shifted from him to Ivy quite often.

"I don't know. She says I am weak, that I shouldn't fight or someone will mangle me into a million pieces, and that will be her. I don't know what I did to make her hate me so much, but I really wish that she wouldn't make my stay at the 'crack house,' as Mitsurigi calls it, so bad."

"Well, why don't you just go kick her ass until her nose bleeds buttermilk? That seems like it would smarten her up."

"I have tried. Many times I have kicked her ass into her eyeballs, but that only makes her hate me worse than she did. I don't think there is anything I can do."

"Then you should go see the very good problem solver, Kameline. She always knows what to do. Or so Jigglypuff told me." So, Roy and Talim walked across the main lounge room, taking a shy glance at the other when he or she wasn't looking. Finally they reached Kammie, who was consulting Kilik about his woman difficulties. 

"...I mean, Xianghua isn't the only woman that you can feel close to! Women aren't your enemies. Some girls may say you are a dweeb, but there is no doubt that one girl out there does feel differently. Whatever is driving girls away from you isn't your looks, or your manners. You need to believe in yourself," Kammie concluded, tightening her grip on his shoulder. Grinning, she shook his shoulder fiercely. "Got that?"

"Yes, thank you, Kameline," Kilik thanked her as he bowed to kiss her hand w/ a newfound confidence. 

The two teenagers that had been eavesdropping watched Kammie's expression as the rod-wielding hottie ambled off to find a girl to impress. She beamed after him, most likely thinking about getting into his pants later. Then, she noticed Roy and Talim standing there. "What is it you wanted to ask me about?"

Kilik searched for a girl. Just a girl. _Any_ girl. He spotted a spikey-haired blond woman, whom he estimated to not be much older than himself. 

Not sure if she spoke Japanese or English, he stopped in front of her. She snapped out of her kind of trance. 

"Hi... is there a way I can help you?" she asked in a very high-pitched voice.

Kilik stood up straight. "No. I was just wondering if you needed some company."

"Well, I suppose I _could_ use someone to talk to... and Link isn't anywhere around..."

"Link?? You know that freak? He never talks to me, or anyone! Why would he want to talk to you?"

"YOU know Link?! How? What? Is that even possible?"

"I don't know..."

"Link stays here. And he talks to everyone. How would...?"

"He stays w/ us, in our crackhouse."

Peach looked up at the ex-serial murderer. "That's weird. Do you want to meet _our_ Link, who actually talks??"

Kilik shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

They walked over to where the 3 Links were conversing. By the time they'd stopped a meter away from the small group, they realized that none of them were speaking English. Peach cleared her throat, and all 3 of them turned to her.

"Hey." Link glanced at Kilik. "Who's your new friend?"

"Uhhh... What's your name?"

"Kilik." He held out his hand to indicate that his big red stick wasn't dangerous. Y'Link pushed forward and shook it vigorously. 

"Hi." he stared up at Kilik, grinning widely.

The last Link stayed silent. He only stared at Peach. The other Link turned around and said something to him in Hylian, and Peach heard her name. The SC2 Link nodded. 

"Um, Link.... what'd you say to him?" Peach wanted to know.

"I told him that you are my girlfriend, Peach," Link answered, glancing briefly at Kilik, who was deep in conversation w/ Y'Link.

"Sooo, this is what I don't get, Y'Link. How can you _and_ your older self, plus another one of you, be in the same room at the same time?"

"Good question. It is an explanation beyond myself, for I, too, have wondered somewhat tirelessly."

"Jeez, for just a kid you've got quite a vocabulary to your name," Kilik commented. 

"It's nothing. You should see how well my friend Saria talks!" 

"Well," Peach sighed. "Kilik and I are off now. Goodbye, Link," -Peach jumped up to kiss her b/f's cheek- "Link," -she held out her hand for him to shake it, which he did- "And Y'Link," -she pinched his little adorable chubby cheeks as he tried to squirm away- "Until next time... uh, Link, how do you say 'goodbye' in Hylian?"

"Yadotsi." Y'Link answered.

"Yes. Yadotsi." Peach flounced off w/ Kilik.

Over by the window, Lizardman and Bowser were making out. Yoshimitsu and Captain Falcon watched, getting turned on. 

Bowser stopped kissing Lizardman for a second. "Would you like to go find a room?"

"DAMN STRAIGHT!!" Lizardman answered, skipping down the hallway w/ Bowser. 

Several of the smashers saw him leave. They found it really uninteresting, but then again they thought, _if they can do it, why can't we?_

So, the Hands whipped out alcohol, to bring the Smashers "closer."

Everyone rushed over to the free alcohol table and all of the drinks were gone in like 2 seconds, so the Hands just kept on filling the table more and more. 

Xinaghua teetered a lot, so she leaned on the nearest person: Zelda. 

"Hey. What's ya name, Elfie Ears?" she wondered, staring drunkenly into Zelda's also drunken face.

"Zelda. Yours?"

"Xianghua. Call me Zha."

"Okay, Zha. Hey, have you ever played Asshole?"

"No, what is it?"

"A drinking game. But we need more people in order to play it right." *Zelda stands up on a chair and uses Zha's hand to steady herself* "Hey, everybody! Do ya wanna play Asshole?!?!?! Come on!!"

*everyone cheers*

*five minutes later, everyone is sitting around in a circle except for Roy and Talim, who hate drugs*

Master Hands started. He pulled a name out of the hat. "Okay. Yunsung, drink a Coors Light w/o stopping for air!"

Yunsung, the Roy look-alike, did as he was told. He grabbed a Coors Light from the middle of the circle and downed it. "No sweat!" Master Hand passed the hat down the line of people to Yunsung. Yunsung grabbed a piece of paper from the hat. "Captain Falcon, drink fifty bottles of whiskey!"

Captain Falcon did as he was told and died of alcohol poisoning. (a/n: this is where I'm gonna kill off characters I don't like. Watch out!) 

"Spoiled sport!" Yunsung said as he picked out another name. "Yoshimitsu, drink five thirty packs of Budweiser!"

Yoshimitsu did and died by drowning in his own vomit. Yunsung rolled his eyes. "Mitsurigi, drink 17 margaritas!"

He did, and died b/c he was allergic to the crack that Yoshi slipped into the drink when he was making them. 

Yunsung pulled out another name, getting really bored. "Raphael, drink five Ice Teas, a sex-on-the-beach, and a bottle of tequila!"

Raphael did and died b/c.... b/c I don't like him! Yunsung got sick of always picking out stuff so he shoved the dead bodies out a nearby window and passed the hat to Anaxandra, the person sitting next to him. 

"Okay, Link, drink an Ice Tea." She really didn't know what she was doing, so she said whatever she saw first in the pile of alcoholic beverages.

The SSBM Link grabbed one and downed it. "Nana, drink 4 Vanilla Cokes and a Mountain Dew!" Jeez, did you **REALLY **that I was going to make **_KIDS_** drink?! That wouldn't look good on my part....

Nana did, and then puked and said she didn't feel well, so she went to bed. Link picked another name. "Y'Link, drink 3 Yoohoos, a hot chocolate, a Pepsi Vanilla, and an Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts!"

Y'Link did, and the immediately ran to the bathroom to piss. He pissed for so long that all of his energy was wasted so he went to bed. Popo, not wanting to be the only kid there, went w/ him. 

Soon, all of the:

1. People I don't like

2. Kids

3. Pokemon

were either:

1. Dead

2. In their bed

3. Too drunk to do anything besides say "guhhhh, guuhh,"

so all of the remaining people all sat in a circle playing spin the bottle. Even Roy and Talim joined in _that_ game.

Crazy Hand used his powers to spin the bottle. It landed on Impa and Ivy, the 2 white-haired look-alikes. They inched tentatively towards each other, both insanely drunkenly. Finally, to all of the girls' disgust and the guys' liking, they locked lips for a mere 7 seconds. But there was tongue. Oh yes, there was tongue. Heh, heh, heh....

Master Hand spun the bottle the next time, and it landed on Seung Mina and Necrid. The redheaded girl scowled as Necrid Sucked on her face for a good 13 seconds. Next, the bottle that most had already come to hate landed on Nightmare and Cervantes. They protested, but since I was also sitting in the circle, hoping that the bottle would land on me and Roy next time, I made them kiss.

(Maybe I could write in the story the bottle oddly landing on me and Roy?? Naw, that'd be too odd. But maybe...)

Ok, the bottle lands on Kilik and Roy. There. That is _almost_ as good as personally kissing Roy. Almost. I mean, 2 insanely sexy Bishounen kissing?! *drools*

Kilik didn't look happy about it. Neither did Roy. And the circle of people was so fucking huge that it took them forever just to get to the center. When they did, their faces inched closer and closer together, until they could both feel each other's hot breath on their lips. Roy wanted to get it over w/, so he squeezed his eyes closed as tight as he could and plunged his lips forward. Kilik also shut his eyes and hoped it would be over soon. All of the girls in the room nearly died from staring and dehydration by drooling, myself being one of those girls. After a mere 3 seconds (yes, I have a stopwatch hiding behind that laptop on my lap... heh heh. It's not supposed to be on my lap. The school says so. *flips them off* yeah, but it's _their_ laptop... urrrrgggg stupid school-funded laptops are STUPID!!!) 

They both scooted back to where they'd been, wiping their mouths disgustedly. Yeah. Are you reading this chappy for spin da bottle or serious make-out sessions w/ heaving petting? (Heavy petting, right? ~_^)

Anyway. After the spin the bottle game, many drunken people couldn't handle it, so they started making out right there in the lounge room. Ivy and Marth especially. They were both horny, drunken people who happened to be standing next to each other. And that was that. They now rolled around on the floor, pawing and rubbing whatever they could get their hands on. 

Talim stood a little ways away, biting her lip and wishing that they would stop so she could use Kammie's suggestion on Ivy. Roy stood on the other side of the arbitrarily thrown-together couple, looking everywhere but directly at them. Talim loudly cleared her throat for the 57th time, but they still wouldn't stop. Angrily, Talim stomped over them. Her foot landed squarely on Ivy's hand. 

But she didn't do anything. Talim, now seriously pissed off, got tripped by one of Marth's kicking legs. She fell forward and Roy caught her, instinctively, by the shoulders. She sighed against him as she leaned heavily on his chest. Roy was uncomfortable and confused and angry and horny. It was the weirdest way he'd ever felt.

After several unsuccessful tries to get Talim to support her own weight, Roy just dragged her over to one of Peach's all-too-famous couches and set her down. 

"I think I broke something....." Talim sighed. 

Roy squinted. "THAT easily? But if you think so, where?"

Talim pointed to her calf, stifling a small giggle. Roy looked, and he'd seen his share of broken legs and things, but there was nothing wrong w/ Talim's leg. As he got up to inform her of this, she surprised him by jumping up quickly, but only long enough to drag him back down to the couch w/ her.

She straddled him and sucked on his lower lip as he slowly stopped being stunned and realized what she was doing. When he did, he pushed her face away from his. 

"What are you doing?" Roy asked her, wishing that she would do it more.

Talim tossed her head back, giving Roy a greatly appreciated glimpse at her marvelous neck. "What everyone else is doing." Talim waved one hand all around behind her, where many various people had put Peach's couches to use. And not just by sitting. :D

Ivy and Marth, who'd been making out 10 minutes before, were kissing each other as they left the lounge room, no doubt to go down to Marth's dorm and do more than make out, Xianhua, Zelda, and Peach were all in the corner having an orgy together, Cassandra and Link from SSBM were undressing each other, and everybody else had already taken their clothes off and were having drunken sex on Peach's couches and the floor. It wasn't a pretty sight. Roy laughed.

"Are they really that drunk?!" he wondered as he laughed hysterically. 

"Obviously..." Talim ran her hand through his hair and smiled, closing her eyes. "....they are. Now, do you want to?"

Roy stopped laughing and pulled her face close to his. "Sure. Nothing else to do."

And I watched it all from the corner. Gawd this reminds me of porn. THIS ISN'T PORN. Just so you know. Besides, porn has silky pillows. Peach can't make couches worth 2 bags of potato chips and a fudgecake. Jeez. What I'd do for a fudgcake right now. Watch my porn-erm, _story_ play out in my twisted Roy-obsessed mind. And a beer. Yeah. A beer. Okay now back to the porn-uh, story. *wink wink*

Actually, before we get back to the story, I'd just like to say that October 28, that was... a looooonnng time ago, was my birthday. So I so changed my plan for this chappy. Yup. You can probably see where Zelda and Xianghua are gonna be in 5 minutes, soo, yeah... anyway, now, that I'm a year older (making me.. *counts on fingers* 14!! YES!!) and almost as old as Roy, I thought I'd make things go his way just once in the duration of this whole story. Of course, pretty much all of the couples are already formed, except for the 2 lesbian couples, ho-hum, and the bisexual couple. 

I also have Legos!! Roy is even in my(well, mine and my little brother's) Lego story. Just read the story of our lego "show." 

(We call it a show b/c -get this- it has "seasons," like shows. One season was in a "positive inspiration house," which *sniff* DIDN'T have Roy in it, the 2nd in a fucked up community, which had Roy in it, the 3rd ON THE FUCKING **_MOON!!!!_**, which was my bro's idea, and the 4th on "Table Planet," a.k.a. our living room table, which was also my bro's idea. The cast of characters are mainly Roy, Marth, Sheik, Samus, and Zelda. Later in the seasons, Harry Potter, (yes, I _did_ say Harry Potter) Ron Weasley, R2D2, and Hermione Granger get introduced, as well as Hogwarts. Yup- around here we're BIG Harry Potter fans. Now, sit back and read...)

Season 1: The Positive Inspiration House

Whose Idea Was This?!

*3 Lego people sit around a flaming bush, drinking cold lemonade*

Red Haired Lego Dude (AKA "RHLD"): Dude. Is that like bush on fire?

MegaBlocks Girl (AKA "MBG"): Dude. It is.

Black Haired Lego Dude (AKA "BHLD"): Dude. A tornado.

MBG + RHLD: WHERE??

BHLD: Haha I got you you're so dumb!

MBG: grrr.....

RHLD: Oh fuck she's PMSing!!

BHLD: RUN!!! *runs up steps but the steps fall down on top of Big Head Lego Dude*

Big Head Lego Dude: Freakin' A! * pulls out a gun and shoots BHLD until he dies*

RHLD: BUDDY!!! HEY, YOU FUCKING ASSFACE!! *pulls out his own gun and him and Big Head Dude get in a huge gunfight*

MBG: Oh, Red Haired baby... It's time for mah lovin' (btw... she's black)

RHLD: just a second... *gets interrupted by the REAL tornado, which rips MBG's 'fro off and throws it into next week* (seriously- that really happened)

MBG: Ahhh!! My hair!!! *pulls out a gun and shoots herself*

RHLD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *shoots himself, too*

Ahh, that sucked. But it ain't my fault, season 1 happened over a YEAR ago!! But it was SOMETHING like that.

Season 2: The Kingdom of Doom

Shitwater

*it's a sunny day in the kingdom, as Roy, his dad, Skully, Roy's pet dragon (who didn't get named until season 3... hmmm), and Roy's horse Betsy (yeah, it's a cow name. Your point?) are walking through the kingdom*

Roy's dad: It's a great day!

Roy: So. I'm pissed off.

Skully (a Lego skeleton): Hahaha what's pissing you off TODAY?

Betsy: he wants to ride somewhere on me!

Roy: No, I want to go for a ride on my dragon!

Roy's dad: Fine. Go. Nothing's stopping you. 

*they all are walking past the jail, when Psychopath Bob reaches out of the jail and grabs Roy's dragon's ankle*

Roy's Dragon: You little fuckhead!! *stomps the jail down, killing all of the prisoners.

Roy's dad: MORON!! Now we have to make a new jail!!! *grumble**bitch**whine*

Skully: Oh, man, now there IS something stopping you from taking a ride on your dragon, Roy!!

Roy: Great. I _love_ rebuilding Jails! *grumble*

5 uninteresting days of rebuilding the jail later....

Marth: Man, that was useless. 

Roy: My ass hurts!

Skully: *examining his ass* WHAT ass?

Roy: hahaha. *cough*BITCH*cough*

Skully: Marth, did he just cough and mix in the word BITCH?!?! Little dickhead!

Skully's Boyfriend: Roy's dad invited us all to a pool party!!

*a few days later, everyone is in the pool under Roy's house*

Roy's dad: Man, tearing the roof off of my house was a pain in the ass! Of course Roy's dumb dragon helped, but...

Roy's Dragon: GRRRR. He said I was a HUGE help!! fucking moron!!

Betsy: don't worry. I've SO got the thing for you... 

*Betsy and Roy's Dragon go off. Yup. A horse and a dragon. It was MEANT to be*

*everyone stays in Roy's pool for 2 years*

Roy: *looks at his fingers* great. A bigass case of wrinkly fingers! *grumble**bitch*

*everyone gets out of the pool for the first time in 2 years*

Some guy: Ahh. I'm so happy my diarrhea is all gone... I hope you guys don't mind that I shit in your pool!

Some other guy: I DRANK THAT WATER!!!!

*everyone dies except for Roy, Skully, Marth, Sheik, Skully's boyfriend, Roy's dragon, and Betsy*

Roy: Oh no!!! My dad is...... DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries a river which all of the remaining characters take a bath in*

Roy's dragon: It'll be ok, buddy! MY parents are Both dead!!

*Roy glares at the dragon*

Roy: YOU STUPID FUCKHEAD!! *grumble*

Skully: Hey! Let's play hide and seek!

Everyone runs to find a hiding place. Roy just wants to hide, not be found. He's so depressed. :(

Roy's dragon chose such a good hiding place that no one found him for ever, so he went to sleep. He'd forgotten that when he snored, he blew fire. He also forgot that he'd gone to sleep next to Roy's science project, a Lego bush soaked in gasoline. In one big snore, the bush started a huge blaze. It spread quickly to Roy's house, then down the hill and it scared all of the hiders out of their hiding places. Roy's dragon woke up, and met w/ all of the people safely away from the fire.

Roy: We've got to get out of here!!

Sheik: Maybe your dragon could-

Everyone else: YES!

So, everyone piled on the back of the dragon, as he flew them... to infinity and beyond....

Yeah. This one isn't so funny if you read it. But, if you'd seen it... My god you'd have pissed your pants.

Season 3: Life on the Moon

Space Woman

They all finally arrived on the moon. Roy's dragon found many "wish flags," aka Mega Blocks skateboard flags that didn't fit anywhere else, which you can wish on, and used them to wish for a new town on the moon. They also wished that they could breathe and not float around. Roy made the final wish, and that was to have more people be around. Immediately, R2D2, 2 of those space creature thingies from Star wars, and Samus fell from the sky.

Samus: Uh.. last I could remember, I was fighting, so how'd I get here?

Roy: I wished for more people to live here! So, hello..

Samus: Hi. I'm Samus, female space saver extraordinaire! 

Roy: I'm Roy, High General of the Ostian army!

Meanwhile, as Samus and Roy make idle talk, Roy's dragon and his girlfriend Betsy are reunited.

Roy's dragon: *gasp* Betsy!!!

Betsy: *gasp* Whatever Your Name is!! (that really happened)

Skully: His name is Seal. Duh.

Betsy: Cool. I SO didn't know that. *starts mating w/ Seal*

Skully: o_O okay.....

Marth and Sheik are convincing R2D2 and his space friends to be their slaves.

R2D2 and his buddies: Beep. Okay. Beep.

So, the days on the moon go by, as Samus's relationship w/ Roy blossoms, R2D2 serves everyone, until one day he finds a bomb.

R2D2: Beep. Detonate. Beep.

*KABOOOMM*

R2D2 dies. But he's the only one. 

Samus, lying next to Roy in their king size bed: Roy? did you hear that?!

Roy: Whaaaat?

Samus: It was... a boom! I wonder if everything's okay... *begins to get out of the bed*

Roy: *grabs Samus's hand to stop her* Don't worry. We'll worry in the morning.

Samus: Yeah? Well, what are we gonna do tonight?

Roy: Duh. Sleep. 

Samus: Sleep? But sleep is so boring.... *scoots as close to him as possible, which is all the way across the huge bed*

Roy: Samus....Are you suggesting...

Samus: *nods*

Roy: Uhhh, if that's what you want... *lets Samus drag him under the covers*

The next day, they all went for a stroll in the town that Seal had wished for. It was a replica of Roy's old town.

Samus: *elbowing Roy* that was a pretty interesting time last night... eh, Roy?

Roy: *sweating nervously* uuh... yeah. It was cool. 

Samus: Cool? *scoff* right. You know you liked it just as much as I did... and, when you want to, you can use that tongue of yours _pretty_ well!

Roy: heh... *is happy* Man. I just realized something...

Samus: what?

Roy: **I'M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **Let's celebrate!!!!!!

Marth: *overhearing him* Cool. I'll order steaks from the Steak House.

Skully: Cool. Let's go!

At the steakhouse, the aliens from Star Wars give Marth some steak for Roy. Afterwards, all of them go back to the place where they sleep and sleep.

(at this point, R2D2 came back and repeatedly drove Roy's car into a wall. Then, we fast forwarded the story 3 weeks ahead)

Samus: *jumps out of bed* I feel.... like.... BARFING!!! *Samus pukes*

Sheik: I feel.... like.... BARFING!! *Sheik pukes*

Samus and Sheik look at each other, then they both break down and cry.

Both: OH NO!!!!!!!

Skully: *rubbing the sleep from her eyes* What the hell? I was having a pleasant dream about Stone Cold Steve Austin!!

Sheik and Samus: WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Skully: That's what you get for sleeping under the covers! That's also why I never sleep under the covers!

Samus: Well, I'd better go tell Roy... I hope he's not angry...

Sheik: Marth won't like this.....

Samus goes off to inform Roy, Sheik goes to tell Marth.

Samus: *walking up to Roy* Hi, Roy...

Roy: *takes Samus in his arms and hugs and kisses her* Hey..

Samus: *lets Roy hold her as she sighs and tries to figure out how to tell him* Roy, I have something to tell you.. I'm pregnant. *closes her eyes*

Roy: *gaping* what-how-who-why- uhh... *promptly passes out*

Samus: *sinks down next to him* It will be all right..... It will be all right...

meanwhile....

Sheik:*running up to Marth* Marth! Guess what!

Marth: What?

Sheik: I'm pregnant. I wanted to tell you as soon as possible. I hope you understand.

Marth: Well. How sure are you?

Sheik: Not very... but I do know!!

Marth: Well... I suppose we'll have to deal w/ it. *huggles Sheik*

OK. At this point, we fast forwarded it again. This time 15 years.

Roy: Hey, Samus, isn't it-

Samus: yup. 15 years ago today, I gave birth to Ron.

Ron: That's nice. But if you don't mind, I 'ave to go to Hogwarts now.

Samus: the only thing I still wonder about is... how did I, a perfect accent-less speaker of perfect American English, and Roy, a Japanese guy who speaks nearly perfect American English, have a redheaded **_BRITISH_** kid?

Roy: *shrugs* It's one of those mysteries...

Sheik: Well, little Harry has grown up... I feel SOOOOOOOOOOO old!!! *breaks down crying*

Marth: You think I don't? *throws Harry his wand so that he can go to Hogwarts*

Harry: Thanks dad. I'll make sure I have lots of girls in my dorm, for you!

Marth and Shiek: Ahhh... that's our boy!

Roy and Samus: Ron, if you break so much as one rule there, we'll pull you out of school and bring you back here!

Ron: All right then. I'm off! Come on, Harry!

Harry: Coming, Ron!

Just then, the Hogwarts car stops in front of Roy's house. Ron and Harry get in, then the car breaks after it goes a few meters. 

Roy: I'll fix it!

Ron: No, dad, I can fix it-

Roy: No, I insist! 

Roy fixed the car, but it he did it wrong so that it only went 5 kilometers an hour. 

Harry: this'll take a while...

Ron: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of-

Snape: No beer!! Think of some other beverage to sing about!

Ron: 99 bottles of soda on the wall, 99 bottles of soda....

*many hours later* 

Ron: ...and there's no more bottles of soda on the wall!

Harry: hmmm... I know!! 99 bottles of poison on the wall, 99 bottles of poison, take one down and somebody dies, then there's 98 bottles of poison on the wall!

Finally, after about 3 days, they got to Hogwarts.

Hermione: Were the fuck were you fucking fuckheaded fucked up fuckheads? I've been waiting to use the pack of condoms I got for my birthday, but Neville was too sheepish! Jeez, I mean, it don't BITE!

Ron: My dad tried to fix the Hogwarts car. It was bad.

Harry: I told my dad I'd have lots of girls in my room.... *goes off w/ Hermione*

Ron: *bitch*

Ok, I can't remember what happened after that part, but Hermione, after getting out of Hogwarts, became a nurse, Ron became a mechanic and used his wand to make a radio antenna for Hermione's ambulance, and Harry used his wand to stand on 1 leg on the highest point in the entire town and practice Kung Fu.

In season 4, all everyone did was spouse swap. They went back in time and found Zelda, so Roy dumped Samus for her. But Samus still slept w/ him every now and then. Heh.

Back to the story.....

Ivy opened her eyes, coming to very slowly. It was still dark out, so she flipped on the light next to Marth's bed. Immediately she regretted the decision, as the light temporarily blinded her. When she regained the use of her eyes, she examined her surroundings. The clock read 1:57 AM, and Marth was next to her in the bed, a lump sleeping almost delicately among pillows and blankets, and she was naked. She was sore in just about every intimate place we women have, and her head hurt.

Groaning, she rolled out of the bed. Down the hall she could make out the faint sounds of sex, and she didn't recognize where she was or how she'd gotten there. Stumbling out of the bed, she threw on someone's robe and walked into the hallway and up the nearest flight of stairs. The party in the lounge room had quieted, but it was _still_ quite loud. Ivy bust the door opened and relived the astonishment at how decorated it was when compared to her own lounge room at the SC2 crackhouse. 

Everyone looked up from their lovemaking and greeted her. "Whassup?" Necrid said as she walked past the entanglement of himself and Samus.

"I'm so drunk I can't feel my leggggggssssssssss.....ooooohhhhh," Samus admitted from under Necrid. 

Disgusted at the sight, Ivy walked on. A drunk Zelda ran up to her.

"Hey... *burp* I'll give you a dollar if you lick the cum off my face.... I can't find a sinnk..........." Zelda said, falling over.

"No.. wellllll, ok, I guess..." Ivy told Zel, and then did her a huge favor by ridding Zelda of the white.... substance. "Uh, Zel? Whose cum was that?"

Zelda thought about that. "Ummm, who have I given head to tonight? It could be from Link, Cassandra, Nightmare, Taki, Sophitia, Fox, Yunsung, Falco, Cervantes, or Necrid, or maybe all of the above. I don't know."

Ivy was mortified. "**YOU GAVE HEAD TO MY _DAD_?!?!?!?!?! STUPID BIOTCH!!!" **Ivy bitch slapped Zelda, and walked off w/o even taking her dollar.

Luigi, in the corner, was getting head from his girlfriend Daisy. Mario, next to him, was getting repeatedly kicked in the balls by Peach. Wario, next to Mario, had a rain cloud above his head, a Rottweiller hanging off his leg, an axe through his back, 15 of Sheik's needles in his ass, was getting toilet-papered by Voldo, egged by Berserker, punched by Maxi, and kicked by Taki. Yoshi, next to Wario, was jacking off to a cheap porno movie along w/ Pink Yoshi and DK. 

In another corner, Captain Falcon's passed out body was being kicked by Charade, who'd felt like copying Roy. The real Roy was a meter away, grinning like a madman, w/ new hickies all over his neck. Next to him, Talim, also hickey-ridden, was looking around the room in hopes of finding Ivy so that she could try out Kameline's suggestion on her. Finally she spotted the robed woman, and ran up to her.

"Ivy?"

"Oh, no. You don't want me to lick cum off of _your_ face too!" Ivy said, not even looking at Talim. 

"No... wait, **_too_**?!?! **GROSS**!!"

"What do you want you little twerp?" Ivy scowled down at Talim.

"I just would like you to know that I don't want to take none of what you have to give me. I can't stand the way you treat me, and I want you to stop!" Talim held her breath, hoping that Kammie's suggestion worked.

"Whatever. Just go away and get out of my face!"

Talim, astonished, ran to Kammie. "Thank you!" Talim said as she hugged and kissed Kammie.

"No problem. I like helping to make the world a better place to live in, but I have to admit... no one's ever kissed me for helping them out..." Kammie admitted, her face slightly red.

So then la la la across the room....

Pikachu wakes up from being passed out next to Mewtwo.

"What the fuck I was like wo and now I'm like wow and before I was like wo.."

"Shut the fuck up, assfuck. I'm trying to remember where I am...." Mewtwo said. "WOOOOOO. I have a bitch of a hangover!" *Mewtwo punches Pikachu until they both are sending electricity and purple shit all over the room*

Hey this is gettin fucking long. Jeez and I'm sick of typing. *rubs pain reliever on sore hands* Oh and I'm too sheepish too write anything else. 

One more thing:

Have a....

****

MERRY MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELL-RAISIN' CHANUKAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KICK-ASS KWANZAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND A YEEHAW NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^_______^


	12. I must go write song about anger!

Dude. That last chapter was like WO. And this chapter will be like WO. 

****

I GOT THE AYUMI HAMASAKI GREATEST HITS CD FOR XMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Oh yeah: I don't own My Little Ponies, The Sims, any random quotes of songs in any language (unless I SAY they're mine, in which case YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM),

Playboy, Dominoes Pizza, Taco Beuno, Furbies, Barbie dolls, 'Spongebob Terroristpants,' or any other shit that might come up, and **OSAMA BIN LADEN IS A PIECE OF SHIT LITTLE FUCKHEAD COWARD WHO WILL PAY FOR WHAT HE DID TO MY COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Most of this chappy is in Japanese and watashi translates some when watashi feels like it, in parenthesis. And Captain Falcon's gonna die more times than usual in this chappy... heee hee hee....

On w/ chappy!! =^.^= 

☆チャプター続ける☆　＝＾。＾＝

The lounge room showed only minor signs of partying: a cumstain here or there, a few spilled alcohol puddles, and a cloud of pot smoke that appeared to be dancing to the tune of Ayumi Hamaski's 'Real Me,'(which isn't on the greatest hits CD, which sucks cuz it's an awesome song!)

__

A woman never shows her fears,

A woman never shows her tears,

IN ORDER TO SURVIVE  
Namida wa tayasuku  
Dareka ni miseru mon janai

What I need?

What you need?

Yokubou ga atte  
Mitasarenai uchi wa  
Daijoubu kamo ne...

Over in the corner, the party continued for a few hungover girls. They all crowded around a computer that no one had ever noticed before.

"... Come on, Pimp Juice, I bet Zha 50 rupees that you'd get in bed w/ Slutty Lady before Pimpo did!!" Zelda complained as she watched what her Sims were doing in the Pimpo Pad. It had a bigass dance floor, and 3 love beds. And a magic mirror and 15 Servos. :DDDD

"Look's like I'm 50 rupees richer..." Zha said triumphantly as Slutty Lady the Sim got in one of the numerous love beds w/ Pimpo the Sim. She held her hand out expectantly.

"Oh I'll just go get my purse..." Zelda said, and then turned and ran away. Zha closely followed. 

Up stairs and down stairs they went, thru the halls of the mansion until they were finally out of breath, in the guy's end of the mansion. In Roy's and Marth's room, they could hear Roy and Marth, obviously arguing, in Japanese too fast to comprehend.

"Onore wa oroka!! Dora musuko no ama!!" Roy screamed, an obvious retort to something said earlier.

"Oh un? Onore ga akatamo no unchi!!" Marth argued back.

"Haa- haa!! Ima boku akatamo no unchi ga ka??" Roy asked sarcastically.

"Hai. Akatamo no unchi," Marth answered.

"Dochimichi!!" (Whatever!!) Roy said, unlike himself.

"Dochimichi!! Onore gamashii teinaja!!" (Whatever!! You sound like a teenager!!) Marth said stupidly.

"Boku WA teinaja, onore wa ASSWIPE!!" (I _AM_ a teenager, You are an ASSWIPE!!) Roy clarified, which pissed Marth off more

"Iie, ONORE wa ASSWIPE!!" (No, You're an ASSWIPE!!) Marth fanned the flames.

"Nuh-uh!! Marusu ga FUKKINGU ASSWIPE!!!" (Nuh-uh!! Marth is a FUCKING ASSWIPE!!) Roy was getting pissed.

"Jimei, Roi ga FUKKINGU ASSWIPE!!!" (Obviously, Roy is a FUCKING ASSWIPE!!) Marth repeated.

"Onore shinamono sagashiateru!! Asswipe watashi no taragaru desu!!!!" Roy told Marth, not very calmly, that it was HIS putdown. hahaha I love it when they fight!!

Zelda and Zha shrugged, and then heard sounds coming from Captain Falcon's dorm. They walked across the hall and pressed an Elf ear and a normal ear to the door to eavesdrop.

"...I mean, Ken is just SO manly! Purrrr, babay, you go nail Midge's boyfriend!!" Yoshimitsu's voice said.

"...*fake sob* but Ken... what about us? Aren't we something??" Captain Falcon said in a fake girl's voice.

"Yeah... but Midge's boyfriend is so hott!! I'm sorry, Barbie, he and I are going to Ponyland to become hot gay strippers for the My Little Ponies. We'll be SUCH a hott act!!!"

"I doubt it Ken, there are so few male ponies in Ponyland that any gay ones are rioted or trampled to death. Besides, those ponies are so FAT!!"

"Well, Ryan and I AREN'T ponies, are we?? We're hott human beings."

"Ahhhhh!! I can't believe you would do such a thing!!! After we had 20 sets of sextuplets- what will I do?!?!" *Barbie's 120 kids come in and murder her*

"Daddy!! We want to go to Ponyland w/ you and Mr. Ryan!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeee?????" the 120 kids asked in perfect unison.

"Ahhhhhhh, NO!! YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING BASTARDS THAT I NEVER WANTED!!!!!!!!! THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T SEND YOU ALL TO CHINA IS B/C OF 'BARBIE!!!' FUCK BARBIE, AND FUCK ALL HER LITTLE DEMONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *Ken pulls out an AK-47 and fires for 47 hours in Barbie time* "Ahhhh, no more kids! Now, I'm gonna go join the Taliban!"

*Ryan walks in* "I thought you were going to Ponyland w/ me, you jerk!! Don't you care about my feelings at ALL?!?!?!?!?" *Ryan pulls out an Uzi and then he and Ken get in a huge gunfight for 33 more Barbie time hours* 

*Ken wins and then goes off to join the Taliban* "*Ken walks into Osama's secret cave hideout* Hey, waaaaaaasssssssuuuuppppp O-Man??!"

"Stupid American!! I am a coward that fucks all my camels until they die! Why do you come here!?" Osama said.

"Can I join the Taliban??? PLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSEEEE?" Ken begged.

"You sound like your 120 kids!!! Die American!!" *Osama points his AK-47 at Ken's head, but gets interrupted by his friend*

"Mr. Osama, sorry to interrupt your killing of an American, but SpongeBob Terroristpants is on!!"

"I cannot miss it!!" *Osama runs off to watch Spongebob Terroristpants*

*Ken, angered, fires his AK-47 into the back of all the Terrorist's heads for 350 Barbie hours* The terrorists all died, and then a bunch of soldiers took him to Washington DC. 

*Ken walks in to the President Bush's office* "Yes, Mr. President, I'm the man who killed Osama bin Laden. Aren't you pleased??*=^_^=*"

"No. You also murdered your 120 kids, and your gay boyfriend. And you wanted to _join_ the Taliban, not kill them, you piece of shit! Go to Guantanamo Bay Cuba!! NOW!!" Bush said.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! You can't do this!!!!!!!! I VOTED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ken yelled as he was being dragged off by Mr. Bush's henchmen. 

Zelda and Zha bust in the door after listening to what the idiots were saying. Captain Falcon, Lizardman, Bowser, and Yoshimitsu were all sitting in a big circle, each one holding a different Barbie doll.

"Well, what the hell was that?" Zha asked.

"Welllllllllll," Lizardman started, but was interrupted by a huge fart courtesy of Bowser. *everyone, except Captain Falcon, plugs their noses*

*Captain Falcon dies**no one cares :D* "Well, we won't ask. Come on, Zelda, let's go eavesdrop on some more people!!" Zha said.

"Ok! But first lemme get..." *Zel pulls a video camera out of no where* "This!! haha!" They left the room and Zel turned the camera, focusing it on Zha.

"Ok. Is it on? It is? Oh. OK. Hi, I'm Xianghua and I, along w/ Zel," *Zel turns the cam to herself, smiles, and the focuses it back on Zha* "are gonna eavesdrop on peoplesez! FUN!"

So they went down the hall, la la la, until they got to Gannondorf and Pikachu's dorm. Zel grinned from one huge ear to the other as she listened in on Pikachu's conversation w/ someone.

"...Do you REALLY think that you can sing that song w/o messing up? I doubt it," said whoever Pikachu was w/.

"Yeah?? *music plays in the dorm room* Ok, here I go!!" Pikachu started singing:

__

"I got the magic stick  
I know if I can hit once, I can hit twice  
I hit the baddest chicks  
Shorty don't believe me, then come with me tonight  
And I'll show you maaagic  
What? What? Maaagic  
I got the magic stick"

"Yo, Pikachu, that's enough, aight? Now I sing mah song, yo mothafucka jus' sit down I'll show y'all how it's done!" a different voice said, definitely female. *the song switches and the voice starts singing*

__

"Build a bridge to your mind   
takes me there every time   
lay it all on the line   
if there's a way   
build a bridge, make a path   
overlook the aftermath   
make my tears be your bath   
if there's a way   
only if you'll take a ride   
go with me to the other side   
  
Even though it's gonna crumble down   
I'll keep building till you come around   
even though it's gonna fall apart, break my heart   
I'll keep building 'till i die"

"That's SO like you to sing a sad song, Chikorita," Pikachu said sarcastically.

"But it's PRETTY!!" Chikorita protested. "Limp Bizkit rocks not only when they pissed off but sad, yo."

*Zel and Zha bust in the dorm* "Hocus pocus, your in focus, I forgot the rest of the song, SMILE, YOUR ON ZELDA'S CAMERA!!" Zelda sang as she zoomed in on the bizarre sex party that was going on. 

In the corner, Gannondorf was tied up w/ a pair of Chikorita's thong underwear and Impa was sucking him off, forcefully, b/c Squirtle had his 30.-06 to the back of her head and a fat joint in his mouth, in another corner, Chikorita was giving Pikachu a lap dance as she continued to sing to Limp Bizkit's 'Build a Bridge,' Link, Kilik and Peach were watching porn on the TV, behind them Rika (from the 3rd season of Digimon), Ash (from Pokemon), and Misty (also from Pokemon) were having a threesome, Takato and Geri (both from the 3rd season of Digimon) were making out next to them, in yet another corner Yoshi and Assassin were taking drugs, and in the middle of the room there was a pole which Taki and Sophitia danced on like mock strippers. Everyone temporarily stopped what they were doing to look briefly at the 2 girls w/ a camera, then they just continued to do whatever.

Zha told them all to say hi, so they did, and then she and Zelda went down the hall to Ness and MewTwo's dorm. After hearing no interesting sounds coming from the room, they just walked in. Ness was puking his brains out, as Popo, next to him, held a barfbag out for him to barf in, Y'Link kept giving him bottles of milk to drink, and Nana was writing checks on a chalkboard.

"Ummm, what are you guys doing?" Zelda asked, confused.

Popo looked up, but Nana answered for him. "We're doing an experiment on Ness."

"What kind?"

Y'Link turned around as Ness was drinking his latest bottle of milk. "We want to see how many bottles of milk Ness's body can handle before his entire system shuts down. So far, he's drank 17 of my milk bottles." Nana pointed at the chalkboard, which had 17 checks on it.

"Oh, ok. Whatever," Zha said and left to go to down to Dr. Mario and DK's dorm.

They listened to terrible screams, until they just slipped into the door, very silently. On Dr. Mario's operating table, MGAW was asleep, w/ a bloody blanket over him, and Dr. Mario was cutting some things in the "nether" region. Mario was holding MGAW's unconscious hand, wailing and screaming bloody murder.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Zha asked, bewildered.

Mario wiped his eyes w/ a Kleenex tissue. "MGAW is... getting his dick chopped off. Just for me! It makes me SOOOOOOOO grateful! And, sad..."

"I am also planning to not only castrate him, but turn him into a woman!! So, then, he'll be _Mrs._ Game and Watch!!" Dr. Mario said as he continued to chop. "I've already called Britney Spear's breast implant surgeon, and the most famous transsexual of all... Marilyn Manson!!"

"Cool. I love that song... how's it go again?" MewTwo said as he walked in the open door. "The one about drugs?"

*Marilyn Manson also comes in the door* "The one about my fucked up dream? Aight.. aight..." He grabbed a scalpel as a mock microphone and began to sing 'that song':

__

"I had a dream last night, Smashers,  
You wanna hear that dream?  
I said, do you wanna hear that dream?  
I was drowning in a sea of liquor  
And I washed up on a beach made of cocaine  
The sky was made of L.S.D.  
And every tree was made of marijuana  
But the cops pulled me over  
They did not arrest me  
Instead they SUCKED MY DICK  
And it was so beautiful that God came down from heaven  
And he said to me, Marilyn Manson  
We will no longer spell the word God, G-O-D  
I said how do you wanna spell it god?  
Gimmie a D, D  
Gimmie a R, R  
Gimmie a U, U  
Gimmie a G, G  
Gimmie a S, S  
And what does that spell? DRUGS!"

"Thank you, thank you," he said at all of the applause that he was getting from his small audience. "I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me..."

Zelda and Zha backed slowly out of the room, permanently scarred, and ran over to the girls' side of the mansion. On the way, Zelda smashed into the SC2 Link (who is a very hot badass looking Bishounen), and he spilled the nachos and cheese that he was carrying all down Zelda's dress. He looked down to examine how bad the stain was. 

He muttered something in Hylian, which Zelda understood, b/c she said something back and giggled. Then, she shoved the camera into Zha's hands and walked to her dorm w/ Link. Disgustedly, Zha went back up to the lounge room. On the way, she saw Captain Falcon sticking a fork in an outlet and getting electrocuted. She rolled her eyes and watched him die, then continued on her way to the lounge room. Finally, she got there. Nothing had changed, except Ayumi Hamasaki was performing live in the middle of the room! YAY!

She flipped her short blond hair back. "Hey hey hey!! This one for you, my fans! Tanoshimu! BANZAI!!" she yelled unnecessarily as her musicians started to play the beginning of 'Evolution.'(one of her kEwLeR songs, besides 'Boys and Girls') Finally, after a whole fucking minute of electronic guitars droning, she began to sing:

__

"Sou da ne bokura atarashii jidai o  
mukaeta mitai de kisekiteki ka mo ne  
nido to wa chotto ajiwaenai yo ne  
mou ichido omoidashite

We're meeting in a new time, it's a miracle

It's only happened twice but 

We'll never be able to taste it again

Lets remember one more time

__

Kono hoshi ni umaretsuita hi  
kitto nan da ka ureshikute  
kitto nan da ka setsunakute  
bokura wa naite itan da  
wow yeah wow yeah wow wow yeah

This earth was only a star on our first day

we were all so happy

we were all so hurt

we were crying,

wow yeah wow yeah wow wow yeah"

She finished off the song, translating each verse as she did so, until the last 'yeah' echoed off in the distance. "Did you like? I think it fun! =^_^=," she said, grinning widely. 

Zha taped the entire concert and made note to get the Japanese girl's autograph. Then, she shut the camera off and walked over to the girls still playing the Sims. They had left the Pimpo Pad and gone to Daisy's lesbian house. The Sim superstar Lau Yuli was having wild sex w/ the other Sim superstar living w/ her, Christina Somebody, in her outside Fuck Bed, as their perverted obsessed fan watched and... uggghhhh...._ took pictures_! Little pervert! Zha watched as they both got out of the Fuck Bed, and then Lau went to get rid of the obsessed fan as Christina called over some more superstars for a Fuck Party. Daisy, giggling like she was party of the sex party that was about to happen, watched w/ much delight. Picking up Zelda's video camera and turning it on, Zha smiled. As she was recording the hilarious Slap/Fuck Party, she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around and Ayumi Hamasaki was standing there.

"What you doing?" she asked, scrunching up her oddly American-looking face.

"Uhhhh, I'm watching my friends play the Sims," Zha answered, gesturing a lot b/c Ayu sucks at English.

"'The Sims??'" Ayu wondered.

"Sim People nihon namae," Zha clarified.

"OHH! Sim People! Watashi sore gemu suki yo!!!" Ayu laughed. "Sore ga kokkei! Very funny!" She pushed through the crowd to watch the Fuck Party.

2 guys were standing outside the 1 room Fuck Pad, along w/ 4 girls, who were making out. Whoever instigated the kiss got slapped by everybody, b/c everyone had red hot love for everybody else. Finally, after flexing for each other 377 times, 1 of the guys kissed Lau fiery, then he got slapped by the other guy and all the girls except Lau.

Across the room, Nightmare was plotting to destroy something. "Must.... find.... something... to...killll...." he said in his deep voice. Looking around, he saw Captain Falcon fucking w/ Ayu's guitar. "Haaa..Haaaa.. Something to.... kiiiiiilllllllllll....." He walked over to the faggot-ass, flipped his (**BEAUTIFUL!!**) ass-length blond hair (that I WISH I had! His hair is so FUCKING **PRETTY!!** It's not fair!! My hair only goes down to my nipples!!! :PPPPP) out of his green eyes and stopped in front of Captain Faggot. "Heeeeeellllllllllloooooo...... wwwwhooooooo.....arrrreeeee.... yyyouuuuu...??"

"Captain Falcon, the coolest(gayest) guy in the universe!! Who are you?"

"No one.... knows..... my... REAL... name. They... alll.. callll...me... NIGHTMARE!!" After his introduction, Nightmare lifted the bigass sword in his left hand.

Captain Falcon began to sweat. "Sooo... uh.. You're a lefty?"

Nightmare smiled. "Yeaaaah... You want...to...make.... something of....it?" 

"Uhhhhhhh....." Captain Falcon pissed himself. "No, I... **I'M AFRAID!!!!!! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

Nightmare then chased the idiot all over the lounge room. Finally he got a hold on him and... you know the rest... All of the girls watched, in awe, and Nightmare went back to brooding in the corner. Ayu saw that her guitar was slightly moved, so she got mad.

"Who touch guitar?!? I say 'touch guitar?!' NO!! Which person touch guitar!!!???!?!" Ayu screamed, running to her guitar and holding it like it was her own flesh and blood. "Kigakiri nai, sore wa yoroshii. Hinpu akachan... WATASHI NO EREKI!! IIE!! (Don't worry, it's all right. Poor baby... MY ELECTRIC GUITAR!! NO!!)" 

The remaining girls all stared. "Dude, it was only moved, like, a centimeter," Samus said. Zha caught it all on video, and decided that she was definitely going to show the video to Zelda after Zel was 'done' w/ the SC2 Link.

Nightmare stepped out of the shadows and over to where Ayu was. "Captain... Falcon... was... touching... it.... I stopped him," Nightmare explained.

Ayu smiled. "Thank you!" She pulled out one of her many CDs ('I am...') and autographed it. "Here CD for reward. Now I must go write song about anger." *Ayu walks into a dark corner w/ a pad of paper, a paintbrush, and a book of Kanji*

Nightmare examined the CD. His eyes widened at the sight of Ayumi Hamasaki draped in nothing but vines w/ a dove on her shoulder (lol). _Gee.. _he thought. _This is a good picture to jack off to... _So he ran off to the public bathroom and jumped in the nearest stall, the same one that Roy went in to jack off (hmmm...), and..... you know....

All of the girls exploded in laughter. Samus suddenly slid into a shadow while they were guffawing at the events that had just taken place in front of them, and slipped out the door.

In the hall, Samus took off her helmet, shook her head of long brown hair. (? what color is Samus's fucking hair!?!?! I don't want it to be blond, there's enough blonds in the story, including Ayu and myself, so Samus died her hair so ppl couldn't make blond jokes...heh heh heh...) She walked on until she reached a door labeled "Janitor's Closet." Glancing around to make sure that no one was watching, she turned the doorknob and jumped in. 

The closet was dark, until Samus pulled on the chain connected to a light. Light flooded the small room, as Samus looked around. She found what she was looking for, a mop supposedly leaning against the wall. The wall that the mop was leaning on turned to reveal a secret room after Samus pushed on it. 

The room was sparkling white from floor to ceiling, and smack dab in the center there was one of those awesome egg chairs facing away from Samus. All over the walls were pictures of Fox, in almost every place in the galaxy. Samus trotted over to the egg chair and sat down. She began to tap her fingertips together like Mr. Burns on the Simpsons, and twirled around in her chair, her face puzzled. She stopped at one certain picture and the accompanying newspaper article. Leaning forward, she read through the article, which read:

****

The Game 'Super Smash Brothers' Causes Scandal

__

発狂 ステーション (Insanity Station)、**任天堂 世 **(Nintendo World)ー

Several months ago, the entire gaming world was rocked by scandal. The developing game known to the public only as 'Super Smash Brothers' was the cause. Around seven months ago, a rumor circulated about a certain love interest that anyone would think distasteful among the fighters to be in this game. Our sources visited the Smash Bros. mansion and found this rumor to be true. 

The fighters known as Fox MCcloud and Samus Aran were, indeed, interested in each other romantically. The thought of Fox (pictured right), and Samus (pictured left), made many fans of the game lose their interest almost immediately. After this happened, the makers of the game, known only to the world as "Master Hand" and "Crazy Hand" were forced to abort plans for further fights, special events, and secret characters to appear in the game. They released the game early and forced the fighters to take memory erasing drugs in order to forget anything about the romantically involved fighters as well as their experience in the Smash Bros. mansion. The creators expect to try and make a sequel to the game in several years, in which they will put all of the bells and whistles that they couldn't put in this game.

Samus's hand slid up to her face involuntarily to cover her gaping mouth. Memories came flooding back, of the necklace Fox had given her on their last day, building this shrine of Fox, the drunken threesome w/ Luigi and Fox, kicking Captain Falcon's ass- they all suddenly seemed so... real. Before they'd only been wisps of an image that, when she tried to grasp it completely, ran from her mind. She'd only found this shrine from a hunch that had come to her after hearing Ayumi Hamasaki say "I must go write song about anger," only someone, in her past, had said, "I must go write a song about _you_, my dear..." Samus now knew that was Fox and, carefully ripping the article off of the wall, was determined to prove it to... someone. The first person she saw.

She got back to the janitor's closet and put the mop back in place. After stumbling out, she saw Zelda and the SC2 Link strolling down the hall, hand in hand. Samus trotted over to them, clutching the article like it was pure gold.

"Zelda! I have to show you something!" Samus said, the distance between herself and the couple becoming less. 

"What do you need to show me, Sam?" Zel asked when Samus got to her. Samus held out the article and Zel took it. After she scanned it twice, she slowly looked up, her face solemn. "So. So... I... don't know what to say..."

"Dr. Mario was right! So know we have to spread the word... No, I've got to show this to Fox! Do you know where he is?"

"Haven't seen him. Sorry..." Zel said indifferently and jogged up the stairs, the SC2 Link asking questions in Hylian as he hastily followed her.

Samus turned, her heart racing. Maybe someone in the lounge room would know where he was? Samus scurried up the stairs, going 2 at a time. She nearly ran headlong into the door of the lounge room, then just bust into the door. 

Ayu was performing an awesome song, 'Boys & Girls' and everyone was dancing.

__

ta la la la...  
kagayaki dashita bokura wo dare ga tomeru koto nado dekiru darou  
habataki dashita karera wo dare ni tomeru kenri ga atta no darou  


ta la la la...

We began to shine. Someone can stop us, right?  
We began to flap. Someone had the right to stop them, right?  
_  
yoku kuchi ni shite iru  
yoku yume ni mite iru  
yoku futari katattari shite iru  
"shiawase ni naritai" tte  
mou nando me ni naru n darou  
ittai nani ga hoshikute  
ittai nani ga fuman de  
ittai doko e mukau no to ka tte  
kikarete mo kotae nante  
mochiawasete'nai kedo ne_

  
It's on my lips.  
It's in my dreams.  
It's a story told by two.  
You say you want to be happy.  
You've already been so many times.  
What do you want?

What's lacking?  
Where will you turn?  
Even if you ask,  
I won't have the answer.  
  
senaka osu shunkan ni  
wasurenaide ite  
kono natsu koso wa to  
kawashita yakusoku wo

The moment you support me,  
don't forget  
the promises we exchanged  
this summer.

She finished off the awesome song. Haaa- I could listen to that song all fucking day. And 'Audience.' Those are all very awesome songs. Anyway, Samus continued to look around for Fox. There was absolutely NO sign of him.

She trotted over to the only person who'd been in the lounge room all day: Yoshi. "Hey Yoshi, what's up?"

*Yoshi jumps a foot out of his chair* "Oh, it's just you, Samus. We were playing BS; I SWEAR I'm not cheating!!"

MewTwo gave him an evil glare. "Then why'd you jump so high?" The other people at the table, Anaxandra, Ness, Yungsung, Wario, Sibby, Kammie, and Kirby all looked at him critically as well, ready to chew him out about his cards and if he was or wasn't lying about them. 

Samus grinned at the card players. "Has anyone seen Fox?"

They all shook their heads. Disgruntled, Samus turned to go to the last place on her checklist: Fox's ship.

Once out on the grounds of the SSBM mansion, Samus knew where to go. Before, in the odd confrontation w/ 5 different Foxes, each w/ varying accents, the Irish Fox had led her to the ship. She followed her memory, glancing at the article every once in a while, to make sure she hadn't gone completely nuts. Finally, the Great Fox stood, grandly, above her. She inched closer, her tension building, until she knocked politely on the side of the ship.

After several (less polite, heh heh) knocks on the ship, she got pissed off and all out kicked it. A piece of paneling fell off, and Slippy's too-high voice followed it. He smashed open a door right next to Samus, and looked at her.

"Sam?" He took a suck of his helium balloon. "Why didn't ya knock on the door? We'd have opened it! Jeez!" He stepped out of the doorway, allowing the space fighter to come in.

The Great Fox, which usually smelled like Marijuana and burning rubber and sounded like a crowded bus station, reeked of perfume, and soft music throbbed off in a room somewhere on the ship. The lights were dimmed, and both Slippy and Peppy were dressed in robes. Over at the control center, ROB was lighting some candles and perfume sticks. Peppy was reading a magazine called "Modern Bunny _Ne_" and Falco laid, passed out, on the grubby floor, which Slippy had obviously been cleaning. 

Slightly agitated, Slippy blocked her view as best he could. "What can I do for ya, SAM?"

Snapping out of it, Samus answered quickly, "Have you seen Fox anywhere?"

Slippy's eyes widened more. He took a nervous suck from the helium balloon. "Uhhh... No, Sam. Can't help ya... I ...um, haven't.. seen him.... Yeah..."

Eyes narrowing, Samus found that he sounded suspicious. "Where was the last place you saw him?"

"The party last night... Why?"

"I wanted to show him something; THIS!!" Sam shoved the article in Slippy's face, and waited as he read it.

Slippy let go of the balloon and it zoomed everywhere. Coughing, he looked down and shuffled his feet. Across the room, Peppy appeared from behind his magazine. "Sam? You're here?"

Slippy ran over to the helium machine, filled up a balloon, emptied its contents into his mouth, and went to tell Peppy about the article. The magazine slid to the floor, as Peppy got up and kicked Falco in the balls, waking him up instantly. Then he, too, told of the piece of writing to the bird. Falco just got up and kicked both of them in the balls, and then he ran into another room. Seconds later, Fox came out, and it was obvious that he'd also been kicked in the balls. It was also obvious what he'd been doing before having his nuts so viscously assaulted, and that was screwing someone, b/c he was shirtless, sweaty, and his shorts looked very thrown on. 

Unexpectedly, Fox kicked Falco in the balls. Then, ROB, realizing that a nut-kicking contest was about to begin, ran over and kicked Slippy in the balls. Slippy kicked Peppy in the balls, and then Peppy kicked Fox in the balls, Fox kicked Falco in the balls, and then Falco went and kicked Samus in the balls she didn't have w/ his bare foot.

*******CLANG******* "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Falco screamed as his foot bounced off Samus's metal armor. Everyone but Falco bust into uncontrollable laughter. 

"_Ow_," Samus said sarcastically. She looked in Fox's direction. "So, Fox, I've found something interesting that you may take interest in."

Fox smiled and held up 1 finger. He shuffled back in the room, shut the door, and was obviously talking to whoever he'd been doing. An entire 3 minutes later and he walked out, fully clothed and dripping wet.

"Wow, Fox, I never knew you could take a shower _that_ fast!" Peppy marveled, rubbing his sore nuts as he picked up the magazine. 

Fox flicked his dripping tail in the rabbit's direction, but the water sprayed Falco instead. Ignoring the fuming falcon who'd just waged war on everyone's nuts, Fox sauntered over to Samus. Falco hadn't told him, and Sam praised him as she criticized him, her mind whirring. 

"I... um, do you want to got to the Milkbar? I'll tell you what I want to there..."

*5 minutes later, Fox and Samus are at the Milkbar, milkshakes in front of each of them*

"So, Sam, throw it at me!" Fox commanded her, crossing his arms jokingly as he sipped at his milkshake. 

Samus took a deep breath and handed the article to him. She watched his eyes comb over it and then his eyes widen as he read the same line over and over again. When he finally looked up, he avoided her eyes and she avoided his as they both coughed uncomfortably and itched itches that didn't need to be scratched.

Samus broke the unbearable silence. "Isn't that... interesting...?"

Fox looked at her, nodded, and they both broke out in laughter. "That explains a lot... like how I'd always have this...this... err.."

"...'wisp' of an image?"

Fox grinned. "Yeah... but when I..."

"...try and look further it goes away?" Samus finished his sentence off again. He gave her the most beautiful smile and got up to sit on her side of the table. Sliding his arm around her, they cuddled there for awhile, sipping their milkshakes serenely, heavenly.

In the table behind them, Zelda and the SC2 Link were enjoying a meal famous back in Hyrule, made from fish, ibex meat, and kohlrabi, called Kohshibe. They'd heard everything and Zelda was busy translating the conversation for him. 

She listened harder, but heard nothing but pleasant slurping. "They're making out!!" She giggled in Hylian to him.

He laughed. "You sure?"

Zel nodded, winking. "We'll just leave them to their 'business.'" She winked and, taking Link's hand, ambled out of the store. 

*several hours later*

*grunt* "Dude, what the fuck?" 

Pichu opened his eyes enough to let a little light in, but immediately closed them again. "Who there? Y'Link?" He peeked out from under the covers just to see a passed out Ness, his striped shirt covered in thrown-up milk, being carried by Popo and Y'Link. Nana followed closely, nervous about breaking one of the hands many rules, the rule about "if you're underage, you can't be in a boy's room after 9:00."

Pichu sat up, interested. "What you doing?"

Y'Link glanced in his direction. "Ummm, Pichu... Popo and Ness will sleep here tonight. Go to your cardboard box."

"YAY!! Cardboard box!! *=^_^=*" Pichu dove into the TV box, which reeked of mildew. Popo curled his nose up as he and Y'Link put Ness on Pichu's bed.

"Umm, Y'Link? We're breaking rules here..." Nana told them nervously as she watched the clock tick to 9:16.

Y'Link grinned. "So? I'd never be able to save the world if I always followed rules."

Nana smiled back, and quickly ran to her own dorm, unconvinced.

The next day at the breakfast table, ppls were eating. Yeah. Captain Falcon fell asleep in his cereal bowl and drowned. Ha ha.

Ness, still covered in milk, nonchalantly asked Nana how many bottles of milk he'd drank before he passed out. 

Digging in her pocket, Nana raised her eyebrows. "I think the final count was up to 47," she answered, eyeing him. Ness smiled as he thought about sending that number in to the Guiness Book of World Records.

"Wow. That's a lot," Zel commented. Master Hand and Crazy Hand came in the breakfast room right when she was saying that. 

"What's a lot?" Crazy Hand asked.

"Nothing."

"Good. Now, everyone say goodbye to our guests. I hope you enjoyed their company." All of the SC2 fighters stood there helplessly, waiting to be dismissed. Master Hand waved, and the rest of the smashers followed suit. All of the SC2 peeps ran out the front door, not to be seen again. Zha had given Zel her camera back, and she planned on watching the video of the madness along w/ all of the other smashers later in the lounge room. 

Seconds after, Impa the nasty elf trotted out, followed by Reporter Pikachu, Pichu, and MewTwo. "Attention, please?" The smashers all looked in her direction, scowling. "Pikachu, Pichu, MewTwo and I have put together a newspaper. Would anyone like one?"

Everyone wanted a newspaper, and, five minutes later, everyone had one. The room fell silent as they all scanned the newspaper. Samus looked up first.

"This newspaper is shit!!" She set it on fire w/ her blaster thing, and seconds later Roy also threw his out the window. Everyone soon knew why and didn't blame them. The headline read, "Samus and Roy: Michinaranukoi?" and the accompanying picture was of Roy carrying Samus down the stairs when she'd been too drunk to do it herself. Soon everyone had even more of a reason to hate Impa; she'd written something untrue about every single smasher. An article about Mario and Luigi describing their ties w/ the Mafia, many pictures of Kirby and Jigglypuff moping around w/ Kammie along w/ a shitty article telling why they were unhappy, explicit pictures of Fox feeling Krystal up, Link feeling Zelda up, DK slapping Ganny's ass, MewTwo next to Mew w/ a glass of wine, Pink Yoshi and Yoshi covered up only by Sakura saku, and the worst picture, Captain Falcon inn his speedos. (EWWWWWWWW!!!!! NASTY!!)

"How did you get these pictures!!??" DK asked, staring at his hand swooping after Ganny's thick ass. (seriously. Ganny has a fat ass. We know, we have nice butt contests w/ all the trophies and Roy comes in first, Gannondorf in second, and either Link/Y'Link/Marth/any other bishie trophy there might be in last. It's funny. My friend, a dirty minded blond like watashi, found that his dick stuck out pretty far, too!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Ganny has a big #$%! _I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other sisters can't deny, when guys walk in with a wicked awesome hairdo and a round thing in your face it's like WOW, can I see ya..._)

Impa looked at DK. "Why do you want to know? Something got you 'embarr**_ASS_**ed?'"

All eyes turned to Impa, hate throughout them. In a blinding movement, all of the Smashers were on her, even her associates MewTwo, Pikachu, and Pichu. Master Hand floated backward, taken aback, and then watched along w/ Crazy Hand as fur, hair, clothes, fists, pointy objects, shoes, bodies, newspapers, fire, evil magic, fireballs, glittery magic, radishes, needles, chains, pills, pancakes, water, electricity, laser beams, bombs, missiles, and insults flew through the air. Laughing, they went to go make some lemonade and then came back w/ some chairs and enjoyed the show of Impa getting seriously killed. The doorbell rang, and Crazy Hand went to get it.

At the huge door, looking around, was some bum in a Dominoes Pizza outfit carrying 17 party pizzas. "Hi," He said, looking somewhat surprised at a huge hand answering the door. "Here's your pizza, um, 7 pepperoni, 5 extra cheese, 2 vegetarian, 2 meatball, and 1 w/ all the works. That comes to... $367.75. Cash or check?"

Crazy Hand pulled out his wallet from... somewhere... and then took out 3 hundreds, 3 twenties, 7 ones, and 3 quarters. The pizza boy's eyes widened, like he'd never seen so much money in one place, much less so much money that he was going to get.

"Thank you, sir." The Pizza Boy started to leave, then came back. "Sir, over at Dominoes we're hiring. I have to tell every person I deliver to, no matter how rich they are," he added sadly.

Crazy Hand laughed. "You think we're _rich_? Riiiiiiiight.... I'll tell the others, hang on." He yelled at the smashers that Dominoes was hiring, and a Pikachu clone rushed out. He threw on his Pizza Boy hat and smiled up at the hand. 

The Pizza Boy, amazed, stood there. "He wants to work for us?"

Pizza Boy Pikachu nodded, and rushed into the car. Still laughing, Crazy Hand carried all of the pizzas back inside, where Master Hand still waited in his lawn chair. 

The Pizza Boy pulled out of the driveway, and watched the mansion shrink into the distance in his rear view mirror. Beside him in the front seat, Pikachu was reading one of the Pizza Boy's most abundant porno magazines. Snatching the porno magazine, the boy pulled off onto the Nintendo World interstate ramp. He drove past Hyrule, and then through Onett where the crazy-ass drivers almost killed him, and then went through Altea where no one understood what he was saying when he asked for directions, and finally back to Lego Land and pulled in the Dominoes parking lot, in the parking space w/ the name "Pepper Roni" painted proudly on the cement block. 

He hopped out and so did Pikachu. "What's your name?" Pikachu asked, flipping Pepper's newest Playboy magazine sideways to examine a centerfold. 

Pepper rolled his eyes and took off the ugly Pizza Boy hat, revealing unruly red hair and a freckled face. "Pepper Roni. I live in Lego Land, and deliver pizzas for a living. I have fifty girlfriends and a bachelor room. All that, and I'm only 16."

Pikachu stared. "You don't have fifty girlfriends!! Roy looks _exactly_ like you and he'd kill for _one_ girlfriend!"

"Yeah... well..." Pepper grabbed a girl that was walking by. "This is... uhhh... Jenny and she's my first girlfriend ever!"

The girl gave him a dirty look and kicked him in the balls, and continued to walk into Dominoes. 

Pikachu rolled his eyes. "Right."

Pepper forced himself to get up and went in, then handed the $367.75 to a pretty female cashier. 

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "Those people must've been super rich!"

"Yeah. They gave me a new employee, too." Pepper lifted up Pikachu in order for the girl to examine him.

"Oh my word he is SO adorable!!" She took Pikachu and held him like a baby. "You're hired!!"

The rest of the workers all stopped what they were doing in order to coo over Pikachu. Pepper grumbled as he took a break, hoping a hot girl would order a pizza and then let him in her house so he could seduce her. His nuts either ached b/c he needed to get laid, bad, or b/c a girl in stiletto heels had just kicked him in the balls, or maybe a combination of both...

The girl set Pikachu off w/ her girlfriend for training, and then continued to take orders from customers. Pepper just laid his head on the table and waited for his miracle order to come. "Yo, Pepper! The bitch in Donkey Kong Country wants a pizza!!"

Pepper sighed, disgruntled. Candy was a monkey, but on the bright side, she was also a slut. Hopping up, he took the pizzas from the counter and trounced out to his car. He began the long drive through the hills of Ostia, and over many ugly roads in Donkey Kong Country. 

__

Monkeys can't make roads worth fuck, Pepper thought angrily as he walked up to Candy's house. Before he had a chance to knock on the door, she pulled him inside. 

"How much do I owe you, Pepper-Baby?" she wondered as she bounced up and down.

"Uhhhh...." Pepper tried not to watch her shaking monkey-tits as he looked at the total printed on the paper he was holding. "$10.00."

Candy looked around and saw her purse. She jogged over to it and rifled its contents madly, but found no money. After 5 minutes of searching her house, which was littered w/ used condoms, pictures of her boyfriend Donkey Kong, banana peels, and pizza boxes, she'd discovered that she had no money. Giving him the biggest puppy dog eyes he'd ever seen, Candy turned to Pepper. "I can't find any money! Can I take the pizza and pay you later, Pepper-Baby?"

Pepper stared at her. "I'll pay for it for you, but only if you-"

"...sleep w/ you?" Candy finished, sensing she knew where the conversation was headed.

Pepper stared more. He was going to say if she'd give him a piece of pizza, but sleeping w/ her was a way better deal. "Yeah."

Candy smiled as Pepper gave her the pizza and she set it down, and her grin widened as Pepper watched her get on her knees in front of him and unzip his jeans... 

20 minutes later, Pepper came out of Candy's cabin, red hair even more mussed and sweaty than before and outfit more thrown on than before, not to mention a wide grin where there had been none. Glancing at his watch, he realized that he'd screwed Candy longer than he'd meant to, so he rushed to his car and screeched down the road as fast as his shitty car would go. 

Finally he pulled into Dominoes and bounded inside. Trying not to look suspicious, he pulled a ten out of his pocket and gave it to the pretty girl. She looked at him critically.

"You sure were gone long!" she complained.

"I got... lost," Pepper explained.

"You take pizzas to her at least 3 times a week."

"Uhhh... I decided to take a different route there."

"But we already experimented and found out that route's the quickest."

"I wanted to make sure."

"Where'd you 'get lost?'"

"In Ostia."

"Ahh, I see. Those people don't speak English worth a monkey fuck."

Pepper nearly fell over b/c her choice of words suggested that she knew, and a sly wink confirmed that.

She leaned in to whisper something in his ear: "Next time, don't let her suck you off for so long. Freddie said last time he fucked her she must've given him a 10-minute blow job."

Pepper nodded, she _had_ taken her time nursing his sore dick, but he hadn't minded, and went back to moping at the table. Pikachu busted in the door, chattering loudly.

"I delivered my first pizza!!" he said proudly, holding the pizza warmer in the air triumphantly.

"Great! How wonderful!! We always celebrate first deliveries w/ a party!!" the girl said, and rushed off to prepare a special pizza party.

Pepper heard the Pokemon coming near him. "When does work end? I am so fucking sick of those girls going crazy over me!" Pikachu asked.

Pepper looked at the clock for answers. "In a few minutes. But we'll have to stay after for the party."

"NOOOOOO!!!" Pikachu bashed his head on the nearest object, hoping to cause some damage so he could go home. "Must....inflict....bodily.....harm..."

Weirded out, Pepper turned away and watched the clock tick.

****

TAAAAAAAAAAAADDAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was SO fucking fun to write!!!!! that last part... Pepper Roni having sex w/ a monkey..... sorry, I was **SOOOOOOOO HORNY!!!!!** And Pepper _does_ exist. I don't know if he's 16, but it made sense. Candy is the sparsely dressed girlfriend of DK from Donkey Kong 64 who calls everyone "Baby," even Tiny, which made my horndog guy friends think like, Candy's a lesbian! The pretty cashier girl is a lesbian, I meant girlfriend literally. 

I also am getting over the stupid flu that is going a round. And school got canceled **_3_** **FREAKING TIMES IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** And it's so funny. Next time you're watchin' the news, listen to the weather up in the New England states. Even for my gay-ass state, that is FUCKING COLD!!!! Another reason why it's so funny is b/c I more or less _told_ my science teacher I wanted them!!! Story, it's funny:

In the last period of the day, science, when I was so sick my voice sounded like a cross between a donkey and an elephant and an ostrich going through puberty being tortured by an electric stick, w/ a cold, I was having a severe coughing fit. After I coughed about 37 times straight, my science teacher said, "Jeez, is there anything I can do for you?" and I said, "A few days off would be nice!" Haa. The next day was Tuesday and it wasn't canceled, but Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all were!! I spent those days typing this story most aggressively, cuz I haven't touched it since Christmas.... heh heh...

*next chappy is gonna be typed when this typing is done. now :)*


	13. Alex Trebek SUCKS ch 13A

13. 13 chapters. Wow. Wow.

**__**

I AM AMAZED

(oh yeah, someone suggested writing in another party in which Roy and Link kiss- I was like _wo that's a fucking great fucking idea!_ Yeah. first Roy has to get a girlfriend... but WHO?!!?! Only I _really_ know who... (fyi it's not 'the' ssbm girl... *everyone gasps* oh and it's not me, as much as I'd **LOVE** that *blubber sob*) hahaha you were thinking it'd be Zelda... man you're a stupid ass [CENSORED]) 

what? censoring in MY story? what is my problem today?!?! XDDDDD

In this chapter, a whole slew of wrestlers will make appearances. Some, like my own personal favorites Rey Mysterio (He is so **HOTTT**, and his eyes are pretty w/o the contacts. **SOO SHINY!!!** *entranced w/ Rey's eyes* **TAKE 'EM OFF!**), Tajiri (Eh, I like him mostly b/c he's Japanese. Japanese are cool, even if they are mean and have a fucking horrible accent), Rikishi (A guy who rubs his ass in evil villain's faces is cool), John Cena (He's like Eminem, and Eminem's cool), Eddie Gurrero (How is his last name spelled?, and people who can speak 2 languages are cool), and Kurt Angle (Just cool. I like his cool theme music.) will probably stay through the entire chapter, which I chopped in half b/c the chappies are too long! POO the last one was... what, **_7,000_ words!?!?!?!??!?** WOWIE!

Other wrestlers that I hate or despise for one or another reasons will no doubt be either killed or mangled in some way, especially **SABLE**. She isn't a wrestler, aight, but I still like her about as much as Captain Falcon. And I _loathe_ the scum known as Captain Falcon. So look for the slutty Sable to somehow find love w/ **(YUCK) **Captain Faggot. And then they'll _both_ fall out the window!! 

*YAY* ^________^

The rain pounded against the windows, as the smashers all sat, bored, in the 

main lounge room. Zelda was watching the video that her and Zha had made. Shaking in silent laughter, Ness and Y'Link were sitting next to her. Several other smashers stood behind her, not laughing at anything on the movie, mostly b/c the jokes were aimed at them.

Across the room, Marth and Roy were counting to a million, prolly b/c they'd forgotten half of the numbers and needed a memory refresher, and next to them Daisy was still obsessively playing the Sims. Her eyes had bags under them and she sipped quietly on a cup of coffee as her hair stood up on its newly split ends. 

Master Hand slept silently on one of Peach's couches, while Crazy Hand busily fixed the window that Captain Falcon had fallen out once again. Samus and Fox were peacefully sucking down the same milkshake, despite the fact that it was now more like a milk-milk. Ahhh, it's so damn peaceful, I'm gonna hate what I have to do now!

Pizza Boy Pikachu bust into the door, panting heavily. All of the smashers turned their heads and gazed at him. He fell down and screamed like a Sim in a fire, which woke Master Hand up. 

"**WHICH ONE OF YOU DISTURBED MY NAP????????!?!?!?!!!!!!!!**" He screeched, eyeing all of them. Finally he noticed Pizza Boy Pikachu laying on the floor, picked him up very roughly, and took him off to the stage arena. 

Soon, all of the smashers plus the usual audience were watching Master Hand and Crazy Hand beat the shit out of Pizza Boy Pikachu. 

After the Pizza Boy Pikachu died several times, Master Hand was satisfied so he gave the Smashers fight schedules, in spite of the (still) pouring rain.

Daisy was to battle Bowser and Gannondorf w/ Mario, so she sadly shut off the Sims. But, when she tried to go downstairs, she fell down all 7 flights and broke every bone in her body, except for her left arm. She raised that one unbroken thing and attempted to wail, but her jaw was broken. Just then, Bowser and Gannondorf were trouncing down the stairs; it was obvious that Gannondorf was running away from Bowser. Not seeing Daisy, he crushed her only unbroken arm. Aww. 

The next person to walk down that flight of stairs was Peach, going to find Link for a quickie before their battles. She spotted Daisy laying in a bloody heap and stared. Then she sauntered past like Daisy was just another dirty clothes pile that was laying in an arbitrary place where someone would walk. At that exact second, Captain Falcon tripped over a pile of arbitrarily placed dirty laundry and broke all the bones in his body when he fell down the seven flights of stairs, too. He landed next to Daisy, and they both waited for someone to come...

Finally, after waiting for an entire day, someone was wandering down the stairs. The person saw Falcon and Daisy slumped over each other, sleeping, and quickly ran over to them.

"Are you OK?" he asked as he shook each of them in turn. Daisy opened her eyes and then the person realized that her bones were broken. "Oh man!! Hey, someone, come here!" He started to run up the stairs but someone else behind him jumped on his back, knocking him to the floor. 

"Hey, you gonna help these people, Rey? HAHAHAHAHA, not if I can help it!!!!" The guy started punching Rey and trying to take off Rey's mask until another guy ran down the steps.

"Hey, Chavito, I wouldn't do that if I were you, homes!!" The guy chased off the guy that was punching Rey and then helped Rey up. "You all right, homes?" he asked in a Spanish accent.

"Yes, but these people aren't! They need medical help!!" Rey and the other guy looked at Daisy. "Eddie, man, they must have broken everything!"

Eddie rubbed his sparse goatee, contemplating. "Let's call the ambulance, homes!" Rey stayed w/ the 2 smashed-up Smashers, as Eddie ran to find a phone.

"Okay. I'm gonna ask you some questions. Blink once for 'yes,' and twice for 'no', alright?" Rey said slowly to the mute Daisy. "Are you in a lot of pain?" -Daisy blinked once- "Did you fall down the stairs?" -Daisy blinked once- "Have you been laying here for a long time?" -Daisy angrily blinked once- "Has anyone besides Eddie and me walked by?" -Again, Daisy blinked once- "Blink once for every person that has walked by you 2." Daisy blinked 3 times, and her eyes welled up w/ tears.

Finally Captain Falcon and Daisy were taken to the nearest modern Nintendo World hospital, which was in Metroid. 

In the reception room, which had posters, some naughty and others not so naughty, plastered all over the walls, ceilings, and floors, Peach, Anaxandra, MGAW, Mario, Luigi, and Rey sat in the many ugly chairs that reeked of pot smoke, either staring at a poster, reading a dirty magazine, or just spacing out. 

A nurse skipped out from one of the poster covered doors, and when she stopped her shoe caught on a poster, a poster that proclaimed **"Barney is the Anti Christ, Mathematical Proof!"**, and fell flat on her ugly face. Looking up from his Playboy magazine, the special 'Torrie and Sable' issue, Rey noticed the nurse and the odd angle at which her ankle was stationed. 

"Oh, you must have snapped your ankle," Anaxandra noticed dreamily.

Rey threw the Playboy magazine and, even though he was in the next room, gave Captain Falcon a severe paper cut.

"GAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Captain Falcon screamed as the Playboy mag chopped up his broken arm.

Rey examined the ankle as some more nurses and some obviously high doctors entered the room. 

"Ha ha ha. You are so lucky. Ha ha ha," one doctor said.

They took her into the operating room and chopped her arm off. "All better. Ha ha ha," a doctor said. 

Rey smacked himself in the head and then went to find his Playboy mag. He walked down the hallway and saw Captain Falcon, severely bandaged, looking at the magazine w/ mild interest.

"Hey, man, that's mine!" Rey told him. Then, noticing the sad look in Captain Falcon's eyes, he just waved it off. "Forget it. I can get another one in the waiting room."

So, going back to the waiting room, he grabbed a Penthouse magazine and flipped through it. After around 4 hours, Anaxandra, Peach, MGAW, Mario, and Luigi had fallen asleep, and Rey had tired of the magazine. He dropped it and joined his companions in sleep. 

The next day, Harry Potter and his friends were called to the hospital. As Zanni slowly awoke, she remembered where she was. A bunch of kids in robes were over in the corner of the waiting room, and Zanni sensed they were there to help the injured Daisy and Captain Falcon. She shook Peach awake and sat up to look at them. (If you didn't know, Zanni is Anaxandra, Kammie is Kameline, Sibby is Siobhan, and Janie is Janine. I gave them nicknames cuz their names are too long! POO!)

The only girl of the 3 kids looked at the former princess and asked, in a noticeable British accent, "'Allo, Ma'am, do you know where the doctors around here are? _They_ called for us, not vice-versa!"

Rey awoke at that second and looked around. "Dammit!" he cursed, rubbing his eyes. "I slept in my fucking contacts again!! I said I wasn't gonna do this!" He took out the contacts from his eyes that made them ice blue and set them on the table. He blinked again and his eyes, instead of being a light, nearly white, blue, were big, **_gorgeous_**, shiny, coal black Mexican eyes, bloodshot like he'd been smoking pot all night. Reaching up to pull off his mask, he realized that people were watching him. Grumbling in what sounded like insulting Spanish, he grabbed his blue contacts and trotted past the staring Harry, Hermione, and Ron and into the bathroom. 

Zanni pointed to the hallway, still staring after Rey. 

"Thank you. If you don't mind my wondering, whatever is your name, my apologies for neglecting to ask sooner?"

"Anaxandra," Zanni sighed, holding out her long fingered hand. Hermione shook her hand, thinking _my fucking God she's beautiful!_, just like Harry and Ron were thinking. Zanni watched them disappear down the hallway. 

A bunch of people stumbled through the door, pushing and shoving, and then there wasn't any room in the waiting room. All the smashers were there, along w/ some muscular guys and some very sparsely dressed slutty looking women. One of those women walked down the hallway, her long obviously dyed blond hair swishing along w/ her, past hips that swayed proudly. 

She poked her slut face into the emergency room Captain Falcon was in and smiled. A nurse w/ one arm and a broken ankle was holding a Playboy magazine open for him to look at. The woman recognized herself on the cover, along w/ her friend Torrie. 

"So, are you enjoying that?" the slut asked Captain Falcon, stirring him from a most likely perverted reverie. Slowly and seductively she sauntered over to his bed. Putting a perfectly manicured finger on her picture on the cover she said, "That's me."

Captain Falcon stared, for lack of anything else to do. 

"Tongue tied?" she wondered, licking her lips.

"No, his jaw is broken," the nurse answered.

"Did I ask _you_? **NO**!" She kicked the nurse's broken ankle, making her scream in pain. "Now, I'm Sable, what's your name?"

Captain Falcon rolled his eyes toward his diagnosis chart, where the name "Captain Falcon" was printed, along w/ a list of his many injuries. Sable glanced at the list.

"Poor baby! Wait, I know what will cheer you up!" She stepped back and ripped off her shirt. Shaking her voluptuous hips, she shimmied out of her tiny skirt. 

Back in the waiting room (hahaha don't you hate me :PP), everyone was agitated. The muscular guys were beating each other up, and when they shoved each other the shoved person would make a domino effect of the Smashers.

"**ENOUGH!!!**" Gannondorf growled, stopping someone's fist w/ his giant hand. "We are all acting like animals! Now, if anyone is pissed off then go fight in the hallway! Jeez!!"

Half of everybody in the group shoved each other out the door. Only a few smashers remained, and they plopped themselves down on the chairs that smelled like pot, almost surreally. Pizza Boy Pikachu slapped a steak on his black eye and gazed around, daring anyone to look at him oddly. Across the room, Ness was using Impa's cell phone to call Guinness World Records; Impa also was checked into the hospital after the beating she took. 

I was in the corner, writing a song. Yes I write songs are you gonna steal them? WELL, motherfucker?

Ok, I begin to sing my song and everyone covers their ears b/c my singing sucks some major ass:

__

Outside, I'm smiling

Inside, I'm crying

There you are...

Standing in the pouring rain

There you are...

As if I've caused you all this pain

There you are...

Staring daggers at me like it's my fault

There you are...

A glare so cold, it could freeze all the raindrops...

(Fast forward through song.. lalala)

__

Tomorrow...

You won't call me up to talk

You'll wake up, feeling like shit

and sore in an intimate spot

wishing you hadn't fucked that kid

But you did...

And forgot all about me

Too busy- sniffing rubbing alcohol

Too busy- giving football jocks blowjobs

And now, 

I hope you've learned.

(fast forward some more lalala)

__

The clouds have cleared up,

And I can see the sun...

(END)

TADA!! I just put down the best parts. The begging has a tune like the end of Ayumi Hamasaki's "M." (Yeah, the song's called "M" I don't know why; maybe b/c she says "Maria?" yeah...) My song is called "Illusion." It's about my friend and if anyone steals it I'll know... only I can write and actually _remember_ the lyrics; I didn't cut and paste this (unlike most of the other lyrics I've put in this story *sweatdrop*). But seriously, I have better songs than that. Also, feel special. I've never shown this song to ANYONE. It's really emotional. Even more emotional than the song I wrote when I was PMSing, on a sugar high, and in tears. Yeah. I just hope that friend don't read it... hahaha that'd be bad....

OK Harry Potter and friends healed Everyone in the whole damn hospital b/c I'm sick of being at the hospital. Hospitals **SUCK** unless you're sick. They just bring you down. Maybe that is what was wrong w/ Zanni...

Then, inviting Harry and his friend to stay at the best hotel in Metroid, the stupid monsters bulldozed the hospital. Then, they airlifted Hogwarts to its place. Yup. Harry and henchmen/women went w/ the smashers instead of staying at the shitty hotel. Yup.

Finally all the smashers plus some wrestlers are back at the mansion. Rey Mysterio had a new mask on, matching pants, his usual black fox shirt and no contacts in. Beside him, Yoshi was questioning him into boredom. Next to Yoshi, Tajiri, Roy, Marth, Funaki, Ultimo Dragon, and any other Japanese wrestlers I might have missed were talking in their mother tongue about boobs and then laughing, and, listening to their seemingly jibberish-like language and actually trying to figure out what they were saying, Zelda and Peach relaxed in their lounge dresses. All was so peaceful.

Over in a corner, some random people were taking drugs. Fox and Samus were watching Daredevil and missing most of it b/c they were making out, Beside them Ron was looking at the movie w/ mild interest, and, standing next to Ron, the cured Daisy was making out w/ Luigi like it was the last thing that she'd ever do. 

She suddenly stopped and reached up to tap Ron on his towering shoulder. 

Back in reality, he turned slowly to her. "What? Make it quick; I'm about to find out how he got blinded," he said irritably in a surprisingly deep voice w/ a heavy British accent as he looked down at the couple. 

Fox and Samus stopped. "I can pause it for you if you want, Ron," Fox suggested, picking up the controller to the DVD player. 

"Please do," the redhead said, thankfully glancing over his shoulder briefly. "Now, what?"

Daisy craned her neck to grin up at him. "Could you... make a condom appear? You're magic and all, right?"

Ron's ears turned bright red, and his face quickly followed. "Uhhh... You .... I.. wha- Um... I'll try.." He took his wand from a mysterious pocket inside his robes and muttered some things. A small flick of his wand and a condom appeared in his right palm. W/ a face still as red as his hair, he handed it to Daisy.

"Thanks, Ron. We'll need it..." Daisy dragged Luigi to the nearest Fuck Suite. Master Hand had explained that sexual feelings between 2 individuals that couldn't be cured through "self-gratification" could be taken to a Fuck Suite. Fuck Suites had candles, a Fuck Bed (straight from the Sims!), and other various romantic things (too lazy to elaborate :P).

"That's too much information!!" Ron yelled back, still embarrassed. Across the room Hermione had been watching. She trotted over to ask him about it.

"Ron... where did you learn _that_ charm? I thought that you were-" Ron put a finger to her lips.

"I learned it in sex-ed class."

Hermione was about to question him but again he stopped her. "I know, we don't take a sex-ed class. But Madam Pompfry (spelling?) wanted to know if anyone wanted to know some... things. And you know how much Harry and I like the word 'vagina.'"

Rolling her eyes, Hermy walked off. Under her breath she said, "That could come in handy... muahaha..... *eyes flash red*"

Captain Falcon was cured and sitting by the window w/ Sable. 

"So," Sable started, running her hand up Falcon's leg, "I've been wondering... would you, maybe, ever think about going out for coffee w/ me sometime?"

Captain Falcon, being the idiot that he is, actually had to take some time to think about it. "Yeah."

"Great!!!" Sable dragged him down to the Shop Arena and continued on the Cafe Latte. Inside, the same girl that Roy was w/ when Pikachu tried to help rob the cheese shop was there. She looked up from her position behind the counter. 

"What can I get for you, lovely young couple, today?" she asked, bowing courteously in the traditional Japanese style. 

"'Couple?' Why, thank you. But I only met him a few hours ago," Sable explained.

The girl smiled. "Frankly, Miss, I really don't give a shit. Now, again, what can I get for you?"

"You can get a book to lose the accent! It's annoying! Oh, and, I'd like a fat free Cafe Latte Cappuccino w/ double sugar, cream, and a little chocolate sauce."

"Miss, I already have a book, but it happened to work better for Roy than myself. And I'll _try_ to make that "fat free cappuccino." I hope you trip over an extension cord and die, thank you for your business." She bowed once again and agitatedly started to pour cream and sugar into a cup. Turning back to them when it was done, she asked, "And what would you, respectable sir, be wanting on this fine sunny day?"

"Wow, I've never been called a respectable sir! Ahhh.. Oh, I want coffee w/ lots of sugar and cream and chocolate and honey and sprinkles and ice cream and marshmallows!"

Raising an eyebrow, the girl bowed and began making his not so coffeeish coffee. "Thank you for your business. On your way to your seats, please don't notice the extension cord my assistant put right in your walkway. Trip on it and spill your super hot drinks all over yourselves, and then have a nice motherfucking day, bitches!"

Sable sneered at her and started toward a chair. Sure enough, she failed to see the extension cord and her high heeled shoe became tangled in its knots. She screamed as her hot cappuccino burned her. Captain Falcon also walked into the extension cord and fell on her, spilling his coffee over both of them. Looking up into his eyes, Sable forgot about being burned in places we womenfolk should never be burned and looked up into his eyes. Her obvious thought was that he'd fallen on her purposely, instead of being so motherfucking stupid that he also fell seconds after she had, so she slowly untied her tie up gothic style night wear, revealing breasts too perfect to be real.

Disgusted customers watched as they started doing the nasty right there on the floor. The redheaded girl shook her head slowly, showing severe disgust. At that same second, the group of Japanese wrestlers along w/ Roy and Marth bust in the door. 

Tajiri looked at Sable and Captain Falcon and shook his head also, but not from disgust. "Hahaha what happen to dem?" he asked w/ a heavy accent.

Funaki broke through the group to look. "Well, dey have severe burns and much issue," he explained, also shaking his head. 

Sable looked up. "Urgg!" She stood up and bitch slapped Tajiri, and then slapped Funaki, Ultimo Dragon, Akio, Sakoda, Roy, and Marth all in one super slap. As they all rubbed their faces, she heaved Captain Falcon into the nearest bathroom.

Suddenly the entire cafe broke out in uncontrollable laughter. Even the redhead who seemed like she was having a bad day giggled a bit.

Roy looked at her. "Hi. Where else are you going to work besides here?"

She shrugged. "Here, there, everywhere." The wrestlers all looked at her, amazed by her ability to talk and have people actually understand instead of staring incomprehensibly. "Who would they all be?"

Roy introduced them all. And then, he introduced her to them. "She is my English teacher, I guess if that's what you could call her."

Every wrestler got down on their knees, touched their foreheads to the floor and chanted, "Kimi wa megami, Kimi wa megami!" (You are a Goddess! You are a Goddess!)

Marth laughed. The wrestlers were amazed by the way Roy and Marth spoke English. They had no accent, could actually pronounce the 'th' and 'l' sounds w/o messing up, and their grammar was immaculate. Except for an occasional fuck up that usually even native speakers made, they were awesome and fairly comfortable w/ it.

But, Master Hand wanted to be mean so he made it seem like they could only speak Japanese. That's why their winning things are so stupid. Besides Roy's voice of course. Roy's... evil... girly... voice.... GAAAAAAAHH!!

Okay, yeah. Back at the mansion, Zelda was done watching her and Zha's movie for the 15th time and she was in her dorm playing Vice City. Peach was sitting next to Zelda w/ a gloved arm around her waist. She giggled as Zelda ran over 2 bums right in front of a cop, and then slowly stroked Zel's blond hair. (Yeah, Zelda's hair is about like mine. Same length & color, but mine is more splintery. GAAHH split ends...)

Zelda sighed and the guy ran the purple Pimpmobile car into a wall. "Hmmm a hooker. I think I'll go screw her and then kill her for a refund!"

Peach smiled. Zelda made the guy (his name eludes me.. meh) go steal some dumbasses' sweetass car. Then he ran over three hookers for the hell of it. Finally, Zel found a whore up to 'her' standards. Hahaha and then they screwed and she got killed. That's what stupid hoes get in mah story!!!

Just then, a thunderous blast was heard. The two women rushed out into the hall to find Rey huddled in a corner, covering his face out of humiliation b/c some dickless fuckhead ripped his mask off. Beside him, John Cena was swordfighting w/ some random wrestler, next to John, Jigglypuff was crying and cowering along w/ Rey and some random Smasher (hmm lets make it Yoshi!), next to them, yet another random person had a joystick in their left and as far as we know dominant hand, black eyes glazed over in a power hungry stare, and a pudgy belly. Hmmm piece it together w/ me... What Smasher is left-handed, has black eyes and is pudgy? *Jeopardy tune plays loudly all around as everyone stops whatever they're doing in order to figure it out*

*the camera looks at everyone as they scrunch up their faces and put their hands on their chins. Also, some of those Jeopardy platforms have appeared in from of everyone*

*Alex Trebek walks out of the closet* "Ok, folks, your time is up! Now, let's check out what you all answered... after a few brief messages from our sponsors!" *a bunch of girls come out and flash everyone* John grabbed one of them on her way past him. "Wait... they were not our sponsors, folks. Please, don't slap an indecency charge on us, or our contestants won't get their winnings!" *the camera pans over everyone, from Peach and Zelda making sad faces to John Cena and the girl he grabbed making out*

Alex widened his eyes at them and then hurried to cover them. "Sorry folks. Uhhh... lets see those answers!" W/ blinding speed he pulled an electric stick out of his pocket and swiftly shocked John and his make-out partner. While he had his chance, Alex pushed a button on the wall and the girl dropped down a secret door in the floor. John offered a both threatening and stunned look before sinking down the wall next to Rey, Jigglypuff, and Yoshi, who kept glancing at the random person and sketching that person (hahaha I'm not saying if 'that person' is male or female!! hahaha I suck...) onto their little electronic writing spaces. 

"Okay, Peach, what did you get?"

Peach stared back. "Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"Please, push the red button, _Peach_."

She did as she was told and then her answer appeared. It was written in big fancy letters w/ a lot of extra drawings and curls, making it almost illegible.

"Um... what does that say?"

"It says 'a person w/ left hand and black eyed peas.' Wait... I thinks that's supposed to say 'black eyes and pudgy.' Oh well." *Peach falls on the floor and starts making snow angels*

"Ok. Zelda?"

Zelda's writing was neat, orderly, concise, and pretty. Alex wiped away a bit of drool from his mouth. 

"I think that the random person is Samus."

"Um, wrong. I don't even think her eyes are black. Ah, you tried. Rey? Your answer?"

Rey pushed the button and his spiky handwriting appeared on the front of the booth. His handwriting was messy but readable, w/ uneven spaces in between words, which were written in Spanish.

"La persona al azar es '????????'" He read w/o looking at it, his hands still over his face.

"Yeah. Wrong. Jigglypuff?"

Jigglypuff pushed the red button and a shitty sketch of the random person appeared. 

"Umm... Jigglypuff.... What did you guess?"

She shrugged and Alex sighed. "John, what did you get?"

John stood up. "I want that chick back, Alex! Where'd you put her?"

"She landed safely on an arbitrarily placed pile of dirty laundry in the basement."

John ran off to find the girl and Alex sighed. "Yoshi?"

Yoshi pushed the button, a picture of a bong appeared. "The letter of the day is.... '3!' And the number of the day is 'fuck you!' No, wait, it's bong! Yay!"

Alex took out his electric stick and shocked Yoshi, then sent him down into the basement via trap door. "Sorry folks. Now, random person, WHO ARE YOU?"

The random person smiled and, standing up, sank into a corner clutching the joystick, singing in a quivering whisper "I'll never tell..." Then the person turned and ran to the dorm that they were assigned to.

Alex turned to the camera. "For your information, folks, this was an incredible easy question, considering that only 3 of the smashers have black hair, and only _six_, Jean included, are left handed, out of **30**!!!! **THIRTY!!!!** ARE YOU ALL STUPID? DON'T YOU TAKE VERY CAREFUL NOTICE OF WHAT HAND A PERSON HOLDS THEIR FORK IN? PEN?!?! GAHAHAHAHAGAGAGAGA!!!!" 

Peach got up from making her snow angels and stepped up to her Jeopardy podium. "I have a dream today. I dream of a world where people are judged by the content of their character, not the hand they write w/. Alex Trebek, you are a **hand racist**!!!"

*audible gasp by all in attendance* Alex Trebek stepped back. "I am not!! I just think -scratch that, _know_- that people who are left-handed are dyslexic! It's a proven fact!!"

MewTwo walked out of the closet and shook his head. "No, trying to make left-handed people use their right hand when they are not comfortable w/ it makes them dyslexic. _That_ is a proven fact, hand racist!"

Alex Trebek started to sweat like Link does when he goes inside a volcano. "So? I... what... GAHHH screw this!!!" *Alex throws his electric stick at a random person and then runs away to the jeopardy van, crying*

Ha ha ha... man Alex Trebek sux. I can't stand him. And that's why he insulted my ppls. I'm right handed, but wondered what it would be like to be left handed so I used that hand for a day. Yeah, so it turns out I'm ambidextrous! In eating, coloring, writing, but not drawing (hmmmm wondering).

MewTwo, Peach, and Zelda skipped down the hall to the lounge room, singing, "When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie that's a moraaaaaaaallllll...." Rey was still huddled in the corner, but now that he was sure people were gone he had his face uncovered. He is sooooooooo cute!! *droooooool puddle* Almost cute enough to rival Roy... heh. But, since he is cute, he also looks underage. Yeah.

Back at the lounge room, there was a party. But it wasn't a drinking party. Roy made everyone have plastic cups full of Kool Aid. MewTwo and Peach walked in, but Zelda was nowhere to be found. But, since everyone was on a sugar high, no one noticed.

Meanwhile, down seven flights of stairs, in a cold, mildewed place known as a 'basement,' Zelda was sitting, wide awake, before her captor...

tbc.... in Chappy 13: Part 2!

Yeah... So I wanted to cut this chappy off cuz some pplz were asking me stuffs. 

Excalibur130, I didn't say I didn't like it. The writing fucking rocks! But I didn't quite get the plot, and in my review I'll admit I sounded like a conceited asshole/bitch/ho, *shakes head* Just don't hate me for sounding like a conceited bitch-ho, kudatte, and thanks for an honest opinion! 

Justin Lynn, no, I never played the game just saw the commercial for it. And the song was like....WO. Yeah. And I think it is called "simple and clean," but it's actually pretty easy to jumble up J-Pop songs. 

There's a plot, it is just like, complicated. There are subtle notes about what it is, so subtle even _I_, the writer who can kill off Captain Falcon as she pleases- speaking of that, it's still raining and Captain Falcon and Sable just got hit by lighting, don't see them. Maybe it's, like, reading ability (mine SUCKS). *shrugs*

I finally put up my Swordswoman story!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!! Go check it out over at Fictionpress.com; search for either CAHLAY or Swordswoman. It's only PG-13, but not any softer than this story. But it is like angsty writing, not yet, but it will be. This story, for me, is a fun thing to do when I've got the time, which is why the plot is so... 'undetectable.' HMM.


	14. Pink redi

BACK! Ahhhhh... and w/ a head full of fresh hentai XDDDDDDDD!!! Hentai rocks.

Oh yeah, the cliffhanger! slaps self

Ø.Ø Anyway,

Zelda was staring up at her captor. Is that what she was doing? Damn, that's stupid. How about:

Zelda was biting her captor's leg as she stared up at him. Nah. Maybe:

Zelda was biting her captor's leg as she stared up at him and watched him strip b/c he was really hot. Yeah. But why was he stripping? Ahhhhh... I've got it:

Zelda was biting her captor's leg as she stared up at him and watched him strip b/c he was really hot and the room was on fire. I like it.

Oh, fuck, the room's on fire!

Damn blonde! Ah, so that means:

Zelda was biting her captor's leg as she stared up at him and watched him strip b/c he was really hot and the room was on fire and he wanted to save her from the fire b/c he was not really a captor at all, but a savior. But Zelda didn't know that he was a savior, so:

Zelda was biting her captor's leg as she stared up at him and watched him strip b/c he was really hot and the room was on fire and he wanted to save her from the fire b/c he was not really a captor at all, but a savior that Zelda didn't know was a savior so she kept on biting him and he was getting pissed off.

Yup.

__

I AM THE CENSOR. I AM THE PART OF THE BRAIN THAT FAILS TO WORK IN WHOEVER IS WRITING THIS STORY. OBVIOUSLY, SINCE I DO NOT WISH TO KEEP ANYONE WAITING ANYMORE, I SHALL CONTINUE TO THE NEXT SENTENCE, B/C THIS COULD GO ON FOR A WHILE. Luv, the Censor

P.S.- BRING ME SOME SACRIFICIAL OFFERINGS SOMETIME.

Ah- that is the censor. Hmm he is the reason that my "lemony" chapter was not so lemonish. He is evil, and I will listen to him this once....

"We must leave!" said the captor/savior/hot guy. "..or we will die. Or other potentially serious side effects, such as burning feeling in any body part, blindness and even flaky skin."

Zelda stopped biting his tasty leg (mmmmm tastes like chicken!) and looked at him. Seeing that he was stripping, she said, "I see. So, doggy-style or missionary? I don't really prefer..."

"Ma'am?!?" he was surprised. "This place is on fire!"

Zelda looked around. "So? I fucked Link while Gannondorf's castle was falling in around us."

The savior was impressed. "Whoa. You have some skill. But I would like to put this fire out first." He made sure he shook his ass to go over to the fire and proceed to take off his pants and beat the fire down.

The fire just got bigger.

Panicking, the savior yelled for help. Over in the corner, John Cena and his mystery chick got up.

"You yelled for help?" the girl asked, then saw the fire. "Oh, that. Forget it. Just go back to making out."

They turned to walk away but the savoir tapped John on the shoulder. "Were you... you know.... over in the corner?"

"What, having sexual intercourse? Of course! But only with the protection of Trojan Condoms! Who knows what venereal disease that slightly loose woman might have?" John threw a spare condom at the savior. It hit him square in the left eye, blinding him.

Zelda immediately was at his side, wondering if he wanted to take his mind off of the pain in his eye. When he nodded, she pushed him onto his back and performed a long strip tease, considering how many clothing layers she had on.

First off came the shoulder pads, then the dress, then the slip, then the under slip, underwear, under slip, underwear, and finally complete nudity! Except for the triforce earrings and hairpin thingie, which Zelda promptly removed.

Since the savior was already naked and w/ a 12-inch boner, Zelda's job was a lot easier.

__

(Beware..... I am about to ignore the censor and write a graphic sex scene)

(Come on, Hentai high, what happened?)

Ahhhhh..... here goes nothing:

Zelda gave him the best hand job of his life, and then followed it w/ the best blowjob of his life. He cummed in her mouth and she swallowed every drop of it, which made him cum even more. They followed this pattern until he was sure that she'd sucked every last bit out of him.

She sat up, dignified, and crawled over to sit on his stomach.

"What's your name, in case I want to scream it at any time from here on out?"

"My name is Roy-"

Zelda got up and screamed. She looked at him and screamed. She looked at him again and screamed.

"What? My name is Royal One, defender of the poor. I never reveal my real name, due to the fact that severe irritation of the mailbox could occur when used w/ enemies."

Zelda sank down to her knees, slowly letting her breath go, too.

"Why did you scream like that?"

Zelda didn't know. It wasn't that she wouldn't mind having fifteen minutes in a dark room w/ the Bishounen Roy, but to just suck his balls dry and ask for names later was unacceptable. She had to change her ways, _after_ she got her slice of the pie and a little sex, too.

"No reason." She smiled at him and straddled his face, not asking for anything but demanding it.

As his tongue slid up into her she brought forth the fantasy of her and Roy that she'd created while fingering herself. It got her off, but made her embarrassed when she had to be anywhere near the messy-haired teenager.

__

I'm only two years older, she thought. _That's not so much..._

Back at the lounge room, the party was severely boring b/c the lives of the party were all out hunting for Zelda.

The Pikachu, Popo, Link, Y'Link, and Marth team was assigned to the attic. As usual, Link had to drag Y'Link and Marth along so that they had no chance of killing each other. (Hey, is this deja vu or what? :PPPPP)

Pikachu was trying on all of the old clothes in the attic. He found a disco suit and all of a sudden a big disco ball dropped down and everyone was suddenly wearing disco outfits. "One More Time" started playing and Link and Marth were dancing very close. Yeah... and Pikachu kept trying to put a move on Y'Link but Y'Link isn't a moron, so he chopped Pikachu until he had no fur left.

But then Pikachu started to hump his leg, reverting back to retarded Pokemon mode.

"PIKACHU!! You asswipe!" Y'Link yelled so angrily that he made Pikachu deaf. Popo saw what was happening and then took his time laughing. Then, he pulled a dildo out of his disco pocket and threw it at Pikachu.

The Pokemon squealed and ran into a dark corner w/ his new toy. Y'Link looked at him, and then at Popo. "What the-?" Y'Link felt like not happiness kind of stuffs.

Popo opened his disco coat and revealed all kinds of dildos. "They were in the coat. You should see what's in yours."

Y'Link stuck his hand in and pulled out.... "OMG!! WTF IS THAT?!?!?" Y'Link wondered.

Popo looked at it and decided that it was... "OMG!! MARTH, COME TELL US WHAT THIS IS!!"

Marth looked at it. "It's a hairbrush. Haven't you guys ever seen one?" He looked at Y'Link's hair w/ spite. "Sorry- I guess not."

Y'Link examined it so carefully that it broke. He found another one in his disco pocket and tentatively ran it through his hair. Magicalness kinds of stuffs happened!!! Y'Link grinned for the first time ever since he got back from being an adult. He ripped his hat off and combed his hair until it shined so bright that Pikachu's dark corner was illuminated. W/ it all slicked back, he looked like Draco Malfoy w/ Elfie ears. SO CUTE!

He ran over to the window and looked out, making the world so bright that all trace of hunger and poverty was erased by looking at his shiny hair. All the evil monsters that Link fought as a kid and an adult all perished -for good- and blind guys trying to cross the busy intersection of the Nintendo world town and were about to be hit by some evil racer all stopped being blind and kicked some car ass.

Y'Link jumped out of the window of the mansion and rolled, determined to spread the joy of hair brushing to all parts of Nintendo world. Popo, afraid, jumped out after him and immediately broke his leg. Then, w/ the light of Y'Link's hair gone off across the field to a street called "Fuckyourmother Lane," Popo's bad luck descended on him when a flock of geese ran over and shit on his disco outfit, and then a bunch of ducks came over and rubbed the shit in and shit some more, and then some retarded squirrels came over and ate the shit, taking a lot of skin, too. Pikachu saw him and jumped down onto his stomach, then fucked his ass w/ the dildo. When he ran off, he accidentally thundershocked him.

Popo was so pissed off that he yelled, causing an avalanche in his hometown to melt and carry him off in a flood. He washed up on an island inhabited by cannibals. He could do nothing as they crowded around him, examining his wounds...

The Roy, Yoshi, Mario, Jean, and Anaxandra team was assigned to the basement. Mario was riding on Yoshi and attempting to get him to move. He made Yoshi throw his tongue out by punching him in the back of the head, but no matter what he did, Yoshi wouldn't budge.

Roy was getting not happiness feelings. He watched Mario be a jackass for fifteen minutes before he clapped and made Yoshi run over to him.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Mario wondered.

"Motte manuke onore da yo ne," Roy answered, pissed off.

Everyone scratched his or her head, but knew what he said was insulting since everything Roy said in Japanese was almost always an insult.

They all continued to search the basement to find Zelda. But did Zelda want to be found? They wanted to find her.

Jean seemed insanely good at looking through dark cobwebby places, after all she did go through a million of them in the mental version of my Swordswoman story. She knew what she was looking for this time, though. A seventeen year old slutty elf w/ too big tits and blond hair.

Easy to find!

Roy opened a door and a pile of flour landed on him. He yelled agitatedly, and Anaxandra quickly had her hands on his floured shoulders.

"It helps if you don't get mad. You keep yourself angry when you yell and ponder things. Forget it."

Roy turned, disgusted b/c she was right. "What are you, another Kameline?"

Anaxandra smiled the smile that made peoples' hearts melt. "She may have taught me a thing or two."

Roy continued on, wondering what else Kammie taught Zanni. Mario opened a random door and got covered in wine. Yoshi opened a door and got covered in pizza.

Jean knew better than to open another door, but she would have to eventually, since they were wandering down an endless hallway.

Suddenly, Roy, who was leading them all, stopped. Jean and Anaxandra ran into him, and Yoshi and Mario into them.

He turned, and confirmed their worst fear. "I think we're going in circles. Over there is the place where Yoshi opened the door and pizza fell on him."

Jean nodded. "Maybe we could open the doors and make sure that we stay behind them. That way, no one will have anything fall on them." They all nodded their approval, and Yoshi went to try it out. He kept his back to the door, and as he pulled at it, he made sure to keep still.

He watched a huge rock fall right where he would have been standing had he not used Jean's suggestion. And, so, they used Jean's excellent plan in order to open so many doors w/ so many unpleasant things behind them. Finally, Anaxandra pulled open a door that didn't dump something on the floor.

She motioned them all over to her, and they all went in together. Roy almost immediately fell over laughing. All around, hanging off of the ceiling, shelves, and walls, were hunks of fish. Anaxandra pointed to another door, and Roy was elected to open it. He did it insanely quickly.

Inside the door, He saw Zelda and some guy screwing doggy-style. Instantly he laughed, and then it hurt to move he was laughing so hard, and he had to sit down. The rest of the team hurried to see.

Jean and Anaxandra narrowed their eyebrows in disgust, hoping they'd found her reading a nice little book like "The Three Bears." They don't like sex since they had to use it to get money for necessities.

Zelda stopped moaning long enough to look at them in embarrassment and rip Royal One's dick out of her. She rushed over and threw on just her pink dress, and, finally, went to the door and greeted them.

When Roy stood up Zelda's eyes widened for a split second and then rolled back into her head as she fainted when she realized what he had seen her and the guy doing.

Back at the lounge room, a big party was being thrown and everyone was drunk, yes even Roy and Jean. Zelda sat close enough to Roy to feel his body heat, but not close enough to have their thighs touch.

"Oh, yeah, so den, kare, took da ashi and besides da matter he faru and hurt!" Roy was reaaaallly bad at English when he was drunk. His accent had come back, as had Marth's, (Marth's? or is it Marths? dammit I suck at my _own_ language!!!! guuuurrrrrr...........) and they were nearly ununderstanderableness. Now I know _that's_ not a word!

Zelda was amazed at them, so she waited until they were less drunk and more hungover to talk to them.

"So, Roy, I was w-w-wonder.... what I really want to ask is.... do you think it would be fitting.. to.... have me...."

Roy looked sideways at her, shook his head, passed out, woke up, looked at her, shook his head, passed out, woke up, drank some more beer, and finally asked, "Oh, pink redi, what is you want?"

"Will you go out w/ me?!?" Zelda blurted, and then turned red. Marth laughed, and Tajiri had appeared next to him so he was laughing too, and then, confused, he sat up.

"Waratte iru ka?" (what are we laughing at?) Tajiri asked.

Marth turned to him. "Zerda agerira Roy kai ga iru...."

Roy laughed, and Zelda heard her name through a thick drunk Japanese accent, and Roy's, w/ some other words in between. Suddenly Roy grabbed her hand and led her out the door.

He leaned heavily against the wall in the lavishly decoratedness hallway, and smirked at her. "What you want out here, pink redi?"

Zelda blinked, misunderstanding. "I want to go out w/ you. You understand? Date, dinners, eat together, boyfriend and girlfriend?"

Roy stared at her, and then stared at her more, and then stared even more, and then he finally looked like he was thinking about what she said. He stopped leaning on the wall and stood erect (heh heh heh, erect...). "Yes, pink redi! I rove to! I rike you, pink redi. Ret's go have drink, and tark."

Zelda smiled. _Mission accomplished_.

Jean swayed drunkenly, and sat down on one of Peach's ugly ass pink couches decked out in tacky bows. She stared at a certain spot in the floor, and remembered when she could do this all the time. Janine would snort w/ laughter, and later tell her that the hangover was worth it for all of Jean's joking and generally being funny.

(I'm about to cut and paste from my Swordswoman story... beware!)

__

Jean stood up, the vodka that she had been drinking obviously interfering with her ability to do so, and she announced drunkenly, "Tomorrow, I'm going to that castle! I'll impress the queen yet! If she wants a swordswoman, she'll get one!" She raised her cup high in the air and the others followed suit, then dumped the rest of whatever they had in their cups down their throats.

Once back in her chair, Jean clapped Janine's shoulder. "She won't even look at anyone else. I'll be the best one. You just watch!"

Anaxandra watched Jean go down memory lane in her... mind... yeah. She, too, could recall times of things that would remain locked in memory, aspects of herself she never wanted to show again. (yes, more copying and pasting..)

__

"'What?'" she mocked him. "You can be so ignorant sometimes! Just like mother..." Anaxandra switched her disgusted frown to her mother, whose knee length hair was let loose for no apparent reason. "It's been six months! There can't be that few swordswomen in this town!"

Alexander sighed. "She has other things to do than rush to meet your demands, Zan. Just be patient, like you used to be."

Sneering, Anaxandra picked up her pace. Not even looking back to see if the male mirror image of herself was following or not, she trotted to the table piled high with every food imaginable.

It almost made her cry to think of herself like that, but an easy life in the castle had made her a spoiled brat and, though she may not have admitted it then, she was disgusted w/ herself.

sorry, but I feel like my chappies are waaaaaaaaayy too long. And, since I know that I _hate_ stories w/ long chappies, I am shortening each chappy to 3,000 words or less. That will make them go faster, but not be so short that I leave everyone bitching at me.

thank you, as always, for taking time out of your precious day to read my story.

Arigatou.

有難うとサヨナラ、　まで次回！


	15. messed up jeopardy f sexy newscasters!

yeah! Finally!

In honor of my getting a Mountain Boy My Little Pony, I am updating!! ye-ah! Now, my Mountain Boy, Lightning, (I renamed him Zeus.. lol) is dating Regentropfen! And I have yet another Mountain Boy, Ice Crystal! YE-AH!

For those of you who have no idea what I just said, oh well! Anyway, I don't (but sometimes occasionally wish I did) own any of the people/things on the following list:

Jeopardy!

CNN

Paula Zahn

Anderson Cooper

Heidi Collins

the fat chick on CNN

Lou Dobbs

Jimmy Neutron

Cindy Vortex

The Fairly Oddparents

Ken Jennings

Katie Couric

My Little Pony

TV guide

the ABC broadcasting company

and any relationships/characteristics (except for Paula being a bitch) of any of these people and/or things are purely fictional. (yup, I'm pretty sure Heidi never had sexual relations w/ Anderson)

That said,

On w/ story! ;)

The sun was blinding him. It swallowed him up in all its blinding power and dared him to scream for help.

The cannibals hadn't eaten him yet, for reasons he didn't understand.

__

Oh, shit, he thought, watching the cannibal king approach.

"What your name, plump one?" the king asked, stopping.

"P-pp-popo."

"Popo? I like. Servants! Bring the boiling pot!"

**__**

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!! Popo's mind screamed.

Six cannibals carried the pot over and set it on a hot fire. The king ordered them to do something in cannibal language, and Popo feared for his life. The king smiled down at him, his teeth rotted and bloody...

Y'Link stood in front of the huge crowd, showing off his hairbrush and shiny hair. A bunch of "ooohs" and "awws" could be heard as they watched him demonstrate the correct way to brush hair.

"Now," he told the crowd, "take your hairbrush and hold in the hand that you write with. Carefully, hold it up to your head, yes, just like that! Touch your hairbrushes' bristles to your hair and pull back! Now you've got it! Yes, that's it!"

All the people on Fuckyourmother Lane cheered and brushed their hair until it shone brighter than the sun! Y'Link waited until they were all finished and dove off the stage, into the waiting arms of the residents of Fuckyourmother Lane.

"Y'LINK! Y'LINK!" they all shouted, tossing his light weight twenty feet in the air and catching him again.

Samus was bored, but when she looked at the clock on the lounge room wall, she realized that Jeopardy! was on. OR, she could watch The Fairly Oddparents. BUT then again she could still watch the second half of Anderson Cooper 360. _So many choices... _she thought as she watched the TV guide channel.

But then she remembered how fucked up Alex Trebek was, and decided on Jeopardy. Soon she had rounded up most of the smashers, that would be all of the smashers that weren't giving hairbrushing lessons, getting eaten by cannibals or curing one bizatch of a hangover.

The total was about five:

Fox

Samus

Peach

Yoshi

Pichu

Jeopardy! started. but instead of Alex Trebek grinning maniacally at them, Paula Zahn stood stiffly behind the game-counter-thingie, shuffling the answer cards.

"Good Evening," she greeted them, her expression unchanging. "I'm deeply sorry that Alex couldn't be here tonight, but he had a serious mental breakdown and is currently staying in a local mental hospital. I, being a personal friend of Alex, was chosen as the first ever sub. YES! Take _that_, Katie Couric, you bitch!"

the camera pans over the contestants, who are looking worried

"Ah, yes. Anyway, since I temporarily have a show on broadcast television, things will be run _MY_ way!"

All of a sudden, the Jeopardy! board is pink, and all of the camera men, w/ the exception of fat ones, are naked. Also, Paula's bitch, Heidi Collins, is in one of those horny-ass porno suits, dancing on a pole that appeared from no where.

"And," Paula continued, "I shall now interview the contestants, who are my personal favorite TV show characters!"

Paula walked over to the 3 podium thingies, taking her time and slapping the redheaded Heidi's ass on the way.

When she finally arrived at the podiums, she shook hands w. the first contestant, who also went by the name Jimmy Neutron.

"Hello, Jimmy. Nice to see you."

"Nice to be here. Remind me, again, where the hell am I?"

"Why, you're on Jeopardy! silly!"

"Oh. Cool."

"So," Paula started tentatively, "I'm going to ask you some questions that-"

"I _REFUSE_ to answer personal questions that I find, uh, distasteful."

"Well, Jimmy, you _have_ to answer _every_ question, or face the wrath of Lou Dobbs!"

"Oh, no! it's _HORRIBLE_!!!!!" Jimmy screamed, and then he calmed down. "Ok, um, ask away."

Paula holds up a picture of herself naked "What do you think?"

"**YUCK**!!!" Jimmy grabbed for the nearest pointy object w/ which to poke his eyes out. The lie detector machine that was all magically hooked up to him put two words in green on it's huge, computer-like screen: **NOT LYING**. Jimmy grinned at it. "I invented that, yanno."

scowling, Paula held up a pic of Cindy Naked (whoo whoo Cindy lol) "What do you think?"

Jimmy crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "I refuse to answer."

"Ok..."

Paula turns on a TV showing Lou Dobbs's show on CNN "Blah, blah, blah, President, gay marriage..."

"OK!! MAKE IT STOP! I'll answer the question, just please, make it stop!"

The whole studio audience holds their breath

Samus and her non-hungover, non-gettingeatenbycannibals, non-teachingpplhowtobrushhair smashers all held their breath b/c they just finished watching the Jimmy Neutron marathon and think it's totally obvious that Cindy and Jimmy _LVE_ each other

(A/N: actually, that was me :P. A week at my sisters taught me to appreciate cable TV.)

"Ewww?" Jimmy hoped his lie detector machine would lie. Out of the corner of his eye he read the word **LYING!** in huge red letters.

Paula nodded and went to the next contestant, AKA Cindy.

Jimmy looks all shocked b/c Cindy appeared out of nowhere

She was giving him a weird look, and before he knew it he was in a room, and it was 3 days later. (I'm not saying anyone fucked anyone; I'm overly implying it!)

Paula watched the 2 kids drag each other off. "Well, my last contestant is the only contestant left, and therefore he is the winner. Your winner, Ken Jennings!"

the directors backstage are all unhappy "Paula! You dumb bitch, We have 25 more minutes of airtime, jackass!"

Paula then threw a huge hissyfit and quit her temporary job. ABC cut to a sudden commercial break, and when they came back, Anderson Cooper was hosting the show, which was still pink and slutty.

"Welcome back. Sorry about that, maybe CNN will drop her, too." Anderson puts his hands together and mutters a prayer. "Alright, our new sacrificial lambs- er, 'contestants' are Bob and Anne. Well, welcome to Jeopardy! and I hope you've memorized every encyclopedia at your local library. Alright, our categories are: 'science fiction,' 'Insanely dumb blonds,' 'sex stuff,' 'languages,' 'My Little Pony,' 'book prices,' and, of course, 'CNN.'" Andy seems amused at 'CNN,' and raised his eyebrows at 'sex toys.'

"Well, Ken, the producers tell me you're first."

"I'll take CNN for 200, Andy."

"This news anchor on CNN is known to bore audiences to sleep."

Anne rings in "Who is Lou Dobbs?"

"Yes, believe me that is true. Alright, go again, Anne." Anderson stared boredly off into space, reading questions when expected, dadidadada.

Finally, the entire board is cleared, except for 2 categories, 'insanely dumb blonds,' and 'My Little Pony.'

"Alright," Anderson said, looking at Ken Jennings' score, which totally whipped the asses of bob and Mary's. "We'll take another commercial break."

During the break, Andy read through all of the answer cards, adjusted his tie, got a lap dance from Heidi, and reported the news to the audience, all in 3 minutes!

camera pans over Andy, who is looking sideways at Heidi, almost skeptically and unbelievingly

"Thank you Heidi for, uh, _that_. Well, Ken was about to pick."

"I'll take 'My Little Pony' for 200, Alex- er, Andy."

Andy looks amused, then a bit offended

"The My Little Pony pictured here is called this flattering name." a pic of a My Little Pony w/ a yellow body, extra long blue, pink, green, and red mane and tail w/ a mirror painted on her butt is shown

Ken answers, "What is Pretty Vision?"

"Yes. By the way, why did you call me Alex?"

"Uh, you two look similar and I've been on this show for, what, two months now?"

"Do I really look _that_ old?" Andy's afraid...

"No, it's just that your hair is white, and I mean _really_ white. How old are you, anyway?"

"37. How old are you?"

"37! cool. By the way, your girlfriend Heidi is pretty hotttt."

"She's not my girlfriend! Well, we may have had horny drunken sex in a car when I got back from Baghdad, but it meant nothing."

the camera pans over Heidi running off crying and then that fat chick that sometimes subs for that old guy on CNN comes out

"Well, hello, uh, whatever your name is. I really like your outfit," Andy commented.

She looked down at her skirt and professional top. "Thanks, Andy. But Heidi's all insulted and shit. You should apologize."

Heidi comes back out, except she is properly dressed and even stiffer than the bitch known as Paula Zahn

Andy said some things to her and then they hugged. It looked really obvious that Heidi was going for a kiss, but Andy steered their lips off course. the audience 'awws' until the fat chick gives them a dirty look

Andy turned back to the camera and got all professional, or as professional as he gets, b/c no offense to him, he's kinda casual when reporting, except for that time when he was live in Baghdad. He looked like he either wanted to die, get fired, or fall asleep. Of course, he looked the same way at the Democratic National Convention. (lol, it's true.)

Ken, Jane, and Joe are all staring

"Alright, Jane- wait, 2 minutes ago your name was Mary! And 4 minutes ago it was Anne! And Joe? What the....." Andy was all bewildered and shit.

"Andy, Andy, Andy...." Ken said, getting creepier w/ each word he spoke. "Haven't you realized that I'm beating new contestants so fast, the producers have to bring in new, identical clones every commercial break?"

"But, if they're identical..."

"Yes, I know. But those producers are so high they don't know what the fuck's going on. Oh yeah, Jane says you're so hotttt and she wants to fuck you. Can we continue?"

camera pans over Jane, who is smiling shyly and waving at Andy

"Well, uh, like I was saying, Jane will pick first in Double Je-"

"But Andy! The board isn't cleared yet! That's a buncha-"

"Listen, Ken, shut your mouth. Just b/c your Alex's boyfriend doesn't mean you can boss me around. You could have bossed Paula around, but not me! Alright, let's take our- what? Oh, ok. The producers have just informed me that we don't have time for Double Jeopardy, so we have to skip directly to Final Jeopardy. The Final Jeopardy category is 'Algebra.' Well, make your wagers and we'll go to our last commercial break."

During the commercial break, Andy readjusted his tie and went backstage to talk to Heidi. Long story short, they ended up having sex again, but Andy got back just in time to read the Final Jeopardy question.

"Now, taking Algebra to the Nth degree- wait, no, uh, ok, here's the question: 'This is the theorem used to solve for c in the equation a² b²=c²' Alright,

you have thirty seconds."

camera pans over Ken writing steadily, Joe writing steadily, and Jane staring, love struck, at Anderson

"Well, time's up, so Joe, you had the least points, so we'll look at your answer first. Alright, you said 'what is the Pythagorean Theorem?' Yup! You wagered? '30,000 points?' well sorry, Joe, but you don't even have that much. Alright, that brings you to 15,000 points. Next, Jane, you answered 'Anderson Cooper is hottttttttt!!!" Uh, thank you? You wagered? '_I wanna screw you_?!' Do you realize-"

"SO??! Andy, you are so fucking sexy. I want your body!!!" Jane runs over to Andy's podium and attempts to hug him, but some naked security dudes stop her

"Well, Ken was right and now has way too much money. By the way, Ken, I like your tie. It really brings out the redness of your hair."

Ken looks down at his tie "Thanks, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my hair! Thank you for acting girly and complimenting my fashion choices! I'm gonna go dump Alex and date someone else, like, say, YOU!" Ken runs over and hugs Andy

While rolling his eyes, Anderson drags Ken backstage to pry Ken off of him.

(A/N: I'm not saying that Ken's gay; I'm overly implying it!! And in no way am I saying or overly implying that Anderson is gay, contrary to popular belief on the internet. I _will_, however, say that he _does_ have some effeminate qualities, like how he compliments everyone on their clothes and has an impeccable fashion sense. Someone noticed that he also started a good 60% of his sentences w/ either a fuck up, "well," or "alright." That gets really annoying. And I'm pretty sure he's used to girls jumping all over him. At the DNC (not that I watched it.... hell no i didn't watch it I ain't a democrat.) He was interviewing this chick that compared a picture of him to a picture of dog, and she **_really_** said this: "You're both beautiful creatures." It was **FUNNY**!!! But, ya gotta admit, he seriously kicks everyone else's asses at CNN in the looks department. Okay, Heidi's kinda-sorta pretty, but hell no, I ain't a gay democratic biatch.)

Samus curled her knees up to her chest, and rocked back and forth, traumatized. "Ken.... so.... smart...."

Fox walked over and hugged her, while Peach scowled at them both.

Popo closed his eyes and let them take him. They put him up high, he sensed, and when he finally allowed himself a peek at his surroundings, all of the cannibals were bowing to him. He smiled, realizing that they thought he was so pudgy b/c he constantly ate people. Long story short, they made him his king and he ruled over them for ever and ever.

Meanwhile, back at Fuckyourmother Lane, the crowd had failed in catching Y'Link on their billionth time throwing him up in the air. All of the hairbrushes spilled out of his disco pocket, and the crowd, eager for one of his hairbrushes, ripped him apart. Bummer.

Samus ended up in a mental hospital and locked Fox in w/ her; they both became crazy and slit their wrists until they died.

Zelda and Roy had sex for so long that Zelda had a heart attack and died.

MGAW and Mario got so depressed that they jumped off the NintendoLand Bridge together.

Link and Marth watched Lou Dobbs and died of boredom.

Mewtwo accidentally shocked Mew and Pikachu to death while having an orgy party w/ them and them hung himself from a Canadian flag.

Ness got stuck in a dishwasher and Jigglypuff turned it on. And he died.

Gannondorf duct taped Bowser to the road and both of them got run over. The driver of the car that hit them was Captain Falcon and they all died.

Master Hand and Crazy Hand ran off to go swimming and drowned.

Yoshi overdosed on heroin and died.

Luigi and Wario had a threesome w/ Daisy and she was so hottt that they died. Then, she castrated them both and tried to eat their dicks but she choked on Wario's fifteen inches and died.

Peach murdered the rest of the smashers that were left b/c of her obvious pent up rage about Mario dumping her, but she missed two.

They looked at each other and began to cry, allowing themselves to finally break down. The only survivors were Jean and Anaxandra, just like all over again...

OK, what an impromptu ending (eyeroll.)

So what's the deal?

NO ONE REVIEWED MY DAMN STORY!! pissed

thanks to those that did, fuck those that didn't.

I'll just put the Epilogue:

A blond girl was watching TV, CNN, to be exact, for lack of anything else better to do.

"Well, earlier this week officials found an abandoned mansion. There are an estimated twenty dead bodies inside, all of whose decomposed remains resemble game characters. Our CNN crews attempted to get close, but seven were snipered with what appeared to be umbrellas. Police are giving no further information as the investigation is ongoing, but we are hoping for further developments. Here to overanalyze this story is a woman going by the name Peach Toadstool. Welcome, miss," Anderson reported.

The blond girl sighed and switched off the TV.

In New York City, Peach smiled and took out her umbrella.


End file.
